Dating your shrink - Love Forum

2c2bt · #1 (**permalink**) 11-09-03, 02:20 PM

I'm 26.
I see a 27-year-old therapist 3 times a week just to talk.
I'm not crazy or anything, but I see her because I really like her.
She's real cute, and we get along well.

She doesn't seem the least bit interested in a relationship with me.
She might be a little attracted to me, but I'm not so sure.

I'm not sure she really knows how I feel about her because I only mentioned to her once that she was attractive and that I feel close to her.

Another problem is the "ethics". It's an ethical standard in the mental health field that therapists and patients may not get involved.

She always tells me I'm doing good because I never miss an appointment. Even though I drive 30 min to see her. But of course I never miss an appointment. I like being with her.

I know she's going to mention it next time, so I planned out what I'm going to say.
I've been rehearsing it:

"Driving down here to see you is really nothing.
I would travel a million miles to be with you.
You’re so sweet and wonderful.
I would kiss you if I wasn’t afraid that somebody might walk in at any moment and catch us.
I’d never do anything to put your career in jeopardy.
But if I knew we were safe, and nobody was looking, I would definitely kiss you.
And the fact that it’s "unethical" would make it all the more enjoyable.
You really mean so much to me, xxxxxx."

I hope I'm not coming on too strong. I just want to show her that I really like her without making her feel uncomfortable.

Amyejean · #2 (**permalink**) 11-09-03, 08:14 PM

Wow, Why can't all guys be as romantiac as you.
Not to pry, but why are you going to Therpy, other than to see her. DO you have some deep relationship issues that you are spilling out in therpy, or is it stress related Job stuff. Cause I would find it truely weird to date my theripist ( if i had one, other than my mother) when all I have been doing is laying on a couch for an hour a week bitching about my life and how it sucks.

I would honesly try to find a diffrent theripist and than make your move. If there are ethics about dating, work around it, and show her you want to be with her.

-Amye

leight69 · #3 (**permalink**) 11-09-03, 08:20 PM

i hate to burst your bubblem but i am 99% certain that you can never ever date her. or have any sort of relationship that is not professional with her.

she could lose her liscence and go to jail, if she were to engage in a relationship with any of her clients or former clients.

2c2bt · #4 (**permalink**) 12-09-03, 01:44 AM

Thanks!
The reason I'm going to therapy is mainly because I like her.
I actually chose her to be my therapist because I was attracted to her when we first met. Sounds pretty silly.
Our sessions will only last until November when she will be finishing up her dissertation.
If I choose to continue going to therapy with somebody else, it isn't because I'm stressed out or want to sit there and complain.
I just like having somebody to talk to once in awhile about life in general.

I don't think she'll go to jail, but she could get in trouble or loose her license.
Which is why I'd never engage in any romance with her without the utmost discretion.

2c2bt · #5 (**permalink**) 28-09-03, 08:15 AM

I wrote her an email.
I don't know if it's sounds stupid.

Sometimes I really feel affection towards you even though I know you're not really attracted to me, and only want me as your client and nothing more. I know you do care about me as a client, and that you wouldn’t want me to think we could possibly be involved. Of course I wish we could be closer, but I can easily sense that you don’t feel we would be right together. I’m sure there are certain qualities you are looking for that I don’t posses. Sure I’m a little hurt by the truth, but I would never want you to hesitate confronting me with it. Let me know what you think, or if you feel I’m reading you incorrectly. Please understand that I would never think any less of you or be embittered as long as you’re honest. I want to reassure you that I’ll always completely accept whatever it is you feel.

Illusional · #6 (**permalink**) 28-09-03, 09:19 AM

and did she reply yet? raverboy

2c2bt · #7 (**permalink**) 28-09-03, 10:15 AM

No. I don't think she's going to. Next time I see her is Wednesday.

2c2bt · #8 (**permalink**) 29-09-03, 09:15 AM

Here's a poem I'm thinking about sending to her:

If I wasn’t just your patient, would I be your hearts desire?
If you weren’t with someone else, would I be the one that’s on your mind?
When I’m with you everybody else just seems to disappear.
Do you ever feel the same or am I just being silly?
If I ever built a ship that could ever leave this place,
Would you ride with me to an island, deep in outer space?

If I came to you and no one knew, would you let me in?
Would you wrap yourself in my arms and kiss me?
Would you let things happen on a whim?
Or would you tell me go away?
Sometimes I wonder what you’d say.

Are you afraid of me?
Am I not right for you?
Do I make you uncomfortable?
Am I just a foolish clown?
I really hope I don’t come off weird.
I would never mean to creep you out.

Though we’ve talked for a few months, I don’t know that much about you.
But one things for sure, I think you’re really sweet and cute.
I search closed doors for questions I cannot answer.
In the rain I remain your ever adoring dreamy dancer.

Here's the other part.
I'm not sure if I should include it.

Would you let me undress you with my teeth?
Then kiss every inch of your body?
Then make love to you until we both could barely breathe?

Illusional · #9 (**permalink**) 29-09-03, 03:12 PM

don't send her anything yet till you get a reply. raverboy

2c2bt · #10 (**permalink**) 30-09-03, 05:21 AM

2c2bt · #11 (**permalink**) 01-10-03, 12:18 PM

OK she replied:

I don't think beyond any
therapeutic relationship. Aside from my personal life,
ethics, and boundaries with clients, there is the
repercussion of license revocation when a clinician
enters into a dual relationship, as well as
compromised treatment. I would never want to put any
client in that situation. I understand how you feel,
and it is positive- because it means you were able to
trust and care, which allowed for work and progress.
That's the nature of therapy. We can discuss this in
person if you'd like, so until then, take care!

Does she mean "take care" as in leave me alone?
Or just "take care"?

2c2bt · #12 (**permalink**) 09-10-03, 04:11 AM

It's not fair. She doesn't like me at all. How will I live?

leight69 · #13 (**permalink**) 09-10-03, 07:14 AM

Quote:

It's not fair. She doesn't like me at all. How will I live?

WTF?!?!

Ok you need some serious help man, lots of people have crushes that dont like them back....you accept it and move on.

So to answer your question, you'll live happily.

2c2bt · #14 (**permalink**) 11-10-03, 08:30 AM

Why is it that I always fall for the girl that could care less if I exist, and would rather be with some big dumb ugly rich lout?

jane · #15 (**permalink**) 11-10-03, 09:35 AM

ok ...
First realize that you are in therapy for reason. You decided to go right! Having an attraction to your therapist is one thing but having an obsession is another. She is your therapist. Someone who is supposed to help you get through and understand tramtic events that happen in your life. How is falling in love with her going to help you?
i hope that when you see her agin you will tell her everything thatyou have said here. I honestly think it will help you. I knowsome saying you wil find someone who will fit with you is hard to believe but you will. It's not a good thing to think abot right now. You need to take care of yourself first. Whne you feel stronger, yoou will feel differently. Take good care of yourself.