Dating a white guy - Page 3 - Love Forum

Tone · #31 (**permalink**) 02-02-06, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alice

what's the matter with you? outside the kkk this shouldn't be an issue to anyone anymore.

Shouldn't.. but it is.

Back on topic - girly, if you're not willing to talk to this guy, then sit somewhere else so you don't have to be around him.

whaywardj · #32 (**permalink**) 02-02-06, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alice

what's the matter with you? outside the kkk this shouldn't be an issue to anyone anymore.

Very well put, Alice.

toohot4pants · #33 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alice

what's the matter with you? outside the kkk this shouldn't be an issue to anyone anymore.

it's an issue...it's a BIG issue. listen...go talk to some brotha's and sista's...listen to some hip hop and rap. how often do you hear about black guys going after white girls? and how often do you see/hear a group of black girls standing around getting pissed cuz all the brotha's are dissing the sista's...just discounting them completely?

race and dating are HUGE issues. i read an article in a sociology class talking about asian males getting the short of the stick in the dating world. NO ONE wants to date the asian male...they are thought of as the least masculine, least assertive, the lowest sexual prowess, smallest dick, etc etc etc etc. asian girls are going after white guys and black guys. and no one is going after the asian guy.

in MOST cases...these attitudes are undertones to peoples dating habits...not explicity stated preferences. but sometimes...they're even explicitly stated.

as for brownpearls question...i got NO problem with ANY race. as long as she looks hot...and as long as she's a cool person, i'm down. shoot...gimme jada pinkett smith, gabrielle union, etc...i'd hit that junk all day, baby!

alice · #34 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toohot4pants

it's an issue...it's a BIG issue.

yes, but why? because people who should know better keep making an issue of it. i know, there's still lots of racism around, all over the world, and it's probably never going to stop. the kkk, skinheads et al. will possibly exist forever – it's the responsibility of the people, who refuse to buy their racist crap, to prevent their being tolerated by society. and this is surely not to be achieved by going on about what white guys think about black girls or vice versa.

Hugo Pickle · #35 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 01:26 AM

To answer your question I’ll simply relate a story of my own. I have worked with many black women and went on light dates if you want to call it that but every time that I did things started out great but quickly got unnerving and upsetting. Example.

I worked with this beautiful black woman, she was a model part time while we both worked in a doctors office. I was a medical assistant and she was a data entry counter person. We had to talk and hang around each other all day everyday as every patient that went to see the doctor had to first see her and then see me and then me and her would have to talk and converse about the patient after the doctor saw them. We had a lot of contact and it was very flirty and so on.

Well one day I asked her to lunch, we had gotten so comfortable around each other that we were like old friends. but as we were leaving the hospital together all the damn old people and bigots kept starring at us and the black males were the worst. She was very attractive and they gave us the worst "your in my territory" cold stares. While I am not the most well built guy on the planet, I am no little weakling either. I stood my ground and she just calmly walked by my side. By the time we got to the car and got inside we were both different people. I took a look at her to see if she was ok and she took a look back at me to get my reaction to the stares from all the black men. it was a moment of clarity as we both stared into each others eyes for a moment not saying a word but just trying to judge what the other person was thinking.

I started the car and neither of us said a word as i pulled away and then to break the silence I had to remark about it. We were too honest to each other to just laugh it off and not say anything about it. It was the first time that either of us had been viewed so harshly by others when being with another race. I am not a bad looking guy myself and together we made a strange sight. It isn't very often that you see interracial couples that are "regular" so to speak. Often one is rather large or obese and the other one gives off the impression that they are just along for the ride. Rarely are interracial couples genuinely affectionate in public. After this experience and another one soon afterward I now understand why.

I said to her in the car, "tough crowd tonight huh." She sadly said, "yeah". I tried to cheer her up and was very flirty, touchy and playful. this helped a bit and while it was just the two of us in the car things got better. As we pulled up to the restaurant and got out things were pretty much ok and could have gotten better but we both realized almost at the same time that our choice in restaurant was not the best one. It was one of those standard cookie cutter type places like Applebee’s and was almost fully filled with white people (I am white she was black I forgot to mention that) I immediately panicked and thought that all the white waitress girls in the joint was going give her a bunch of shit-eating looks so I screwed up and said, "we can go somewhere else if you want". Bad move and I knew it the moment that I said it but I just couldn't help it. I was so unprepared to have to defend a simple lunch date between co-workers. She obviously said, "no, that’s ok" and I knew right then that I made her totally uneasy. She was all ready worried that the white waitresses were going be a problem but I only made things worse.

At this point she became defensive and started to treat me like any other white guy that just didn't understand racial tension and was unwilling to "man up about defending my choices" I saw this coming and started to play the arrogant male card to all the people in the restaurant. This helped her feel more at ease but did not get me out of the dog house to enabled her to totally let her guard down again.

We ate our meal and had a decent time, the mood got better and it was almost back to old time so to speak, but as we were looking for our waitress to get our bill and leave to go back to work she was markedly absent. We waited for a while and was about to be late to go back to work and i got upset and got up and started asking people to get my check so we could leave. after talking to 3 different waitresses someone finally reluctantly got our check. That’s when someone told us that they were sorry for the wait but our waitress had to take a break. I said why? and was told simply that she "needed one." Once again I understood the tone of things. Our waitress increasingly got upset when me and the black girl started to hit it off again. She basically "had to leave" so as not to confront us about something.

To make a long ass story end quickly we got back to the car drove to the hospital and never went out together again. We just were not prepared to have to fight the entire world it seemed just to do small things together. I imagine now that there are more inter-racial couples than people realize but they choose not to go out in public as much as possible just to make life better for the both of them. Sad, but I completely understand that line of thinking now.

Tone · #36 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 01:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toohot4pants

it's an issue...it's a BIG issue. listen...go talk to some brotha's and sista's...listen to some hip hop and rap. how often do you hear about black guys going after white girls? and how often do you see/hear a group of black girls standing around getting pissed cuz all the brotha's are dissing the sista's...just discounting them completely?

Yes, because hip hop/rap songs speaks on behalf of all black people.

Using that theory, should we advise the original poster against dating the white guy? I mean go listen to some rock and roll, heavy metal, emo music - the guy is liable to go out and shoot up his school because daddy doesn't love him.

Other than that - I agree with the rest your post, toohot

Bluevetteracer · #37 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 01:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whaywardj

Very well put, Alice.

Well, have you ever seen how latinos or Blacks look at white guys when they are dating Latino or Black women?

There is a HUGE reverse racisim in this country

I WILL never date a minority again, not because I do not like them, but I am tired of the crap I have to put up with from the men of their status.

Tone · #38 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hugo Pickle

We ate our meal and had a decent time, the mood got better and it was almost back to old time so to speak, but as we were looking for our waitress to get our bill and leave to go back to work she was markedly absent. We waited for a while and was about to be late to go back to work and i got upset and got up and started asking people to get my check so we could leave. after talking to 3 different waitresses someone finally reluctantly got our check. That’s when someone told us that they were sorry for the wait but our waitress had to take a break. I said why? and was told simply that she "needed one." Once again I understood the tone of things. Our waitress increasingly got upset when me and the black girl started to hit it off again. She basically "had to leave" so as not to confront us about something.

Hey interesting story, Hugo - but I think this part here is all in your head.

I dated a black girl for almost 3 years, I'm half white / half hispanic - and we live in Lincoln, Nebraska - you can imagine some of the things we had to go through. ;)

Tone · #39 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluevetteracer

I WILL never date a minority again, not because I do not like them, but I am tired of the crap I have to put up with from the men of their status.

Wow, that's pretty cowardly.

Because of what OTHER men will think about you, or say about you will prevent you from maybe having somethin special with a non-white girl?

I feel sorry for you~

Hugo Pickle · #40 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 01:42 AM

I would agree with you except for the tone of the way her friend told me that she "needed one". Young women do not hide their disdain very well, it was obvious the way that she said it to me that I should have known that she need a break or had to leave. She said it too me like it was my fault that her friend "needed a break."

I didn't add that the only reason that we had a decent time in the restaurant was because we instinctively found an "out of the way" table and the more our waitress was absent the better our time got because she wasn't around to destroy it.

But yeah man thanks for the comment about understanding, it something people who have been there just don't talk about and all you can do is just sympathize if you’ve been there.

Thanks

whaywardj · #41 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 02:06 AM

The heavy hand of conformity smites and, having smit, moves on.

Too bad most can't rise above their own limitations.

toohot4pants · #42 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 04:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

Yes, because hip hop/rap songs speaks on behalf of all black people.

Using that theory, should we advise the original poster against dating the white guy? I mean go listen to some rock and roll, heavy metal, emo music - the guy is liable to go out and shoot up his school because daddy doesn't love him.

Other than that - I agree with the rest your post, toohot

someone tell me if this is true or not...

doesn't it seem like theres a LOT more black music that speaks of their color as a whole? but white music...rock, alt, emo, whatever...when they talk about relationships, it's just individual...what happened to that artist.

i might be way off...just a thought that popped into my head...haven't thought about the thought yet though...

toohot4pants · #43 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 04:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alice

yes, but why? because people who should know better keep making an issue of it. i know, there's still lots of racism around, all over the world, and it's probably never going to stop. the kkk, skinheads et al. will possibly exist forever – it's the responsibility of the people, who refuse to buy their racist crap, to prevent their being tolerated by society. and this is surely not to be achieved by going on about what white guys think about black girls or vice versa.

wheres the line between it being racism and it being simply people reacting to their experiences?

i mean...just having played sports and having worked out and having worked in a hospital for a bit...you know, asian dicks are tiny compared to black dicks. not all across the board...i mean, some black guys do have tiny ass dicks. however, gotta say, never seen an asian with a big dick. (alright, all the regulars are gonna complain that penis size has been brought up again...yipee.)

and on the dating scene...from what i have observed and from what i have heard from women...black men ARE more assertive, aggressive, forward, confident (at least seemingly), etc etc etc than most other mean. like the penis thing...i'm sure there are exceptions.

it just seems like sometimes (SOMETIMES, not all the time...not even often...but sometimes)...it seems like we're being asked to ignore our experiences for the cause of ending racism.

Bluevetteracer · #44 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 05:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

Wow, that's pretty cowardly.

Because of what OTHER men will think about you, or say about you will prevent you from maybe having somethin special with a non-white girl?

I feel sorry for you~

Well, I pick my battles, and there is not one modicum of sympathy for someone in my situation. It is a battle I could fight to the end of time, and never have a glimmer of a chance.

Tone · #45 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 05:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluevetteracer

Well, I pick my battles, and there is not one modicum of sympathy for someone in my situation. It is a battle I could fight to the end of time, and never have a glimmer of a chance.

You act as if you're the only man who's ever tried to date someone outside his own race.

As I mentioned, I dated a girl outside my race for almost 3 years, and despite all we had to go through I would not hesitate to do it again. Race will never stop me from goin after a girl I think is worthwhile. I'm just sorry to hear it will you.