Apologizing - Love Forum

theguy · #1 (**permalink**) 02-02-06, 11:49 AM

I need some advice... I took my girl home (a little late 20 minutes top) and her mom had a panic attack over it! She continued to get in fights with her mom over me and, and us not doing what she is assuming...Now shes grounded, and her mother does not like me. Anyway she figures the best way to get on her moms good side, is if I go and apologize to her. Not only is that one of the most dreaded things a guy ever has to do, but I have no idea how to do this. Be sincere for sure... but what to say? Bring a gift? Compliments ? Shes an interior decorater so I can make small talk with that.. Some suggestions would be appreciated~!

vashti · #2 (**permalink**) 02-02-06, 11:57 AM

I think a genuine apology is all that is necessary, and not one that is shrouded in resentment.

Apologize profusely, and promise to not let it happen again. If her mom lectures you or yells at you, avoid rolling your eyes or becoming defensive in any way. You were wrong, and you know it. Try doing something novel, like bringing the girl home EARLY the next few times you go out, and don't be late again.

theotherguy0123 · #3 (**permalink**) 02-02-06, 11:58 AM

What did you do in the first place to make her mom pissed off at you?

oo wait just because you took her home late once? well talk to her mother about it, be polite.

Pears · #4 (**permalink**) 02-02-06, 01:08 PM

If your girlfriend's mom yells at you, try very hard not to get defensive. Just listen and apologize. You can tell her honestly that you don't want anything bad to stay between you and her and that you want to make things better.

Hugo Pickle · #5 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 06:11 PM

Screw that crap, don't apologize for anything. I bet (and I’m guessing here) that you would really like to say to her, "what’s your damn problem biatch?", "I didn't kidnap your daughter and I don't appreciate you judging me like I’m some kind of thug just because you have bullshit issues that you want to dump all on me."

If this is the kind of thing that you would really want to say to her then fine, I understand, but that’s not what you should say at all. But definitely don't apologize for your actions. What you should say about it and all you should say to her about it is, 'I’m sorry that you are so upset about it." This lets her know that you know damn well that this crap is her problem, not yours. Just walk away when she pulls out her issues and wants to be an ass by giving you the 3rd degree about responsibility.

You will want to say all kinds of things, but just be confident that your girlfriend knows the truth and her mom is just freaking out over her own issues. If you do what these other people tell you to do then you will regret it soon trust me. What you are doing if you apologize is setting up her mom up to blame you for everything that is her problem. And when you don’t apologize for whatever her issue is then you’re just an ass now and you’re different from what you used to be.

If you choose to just apologize fine, I understand, it takes balls to follow a lot of my advice. But remember, her mom is pulling some crap on the both of you and it will only get worse until you eventually confront it. If your serious about this girl then you will tell her all this before confronting her mom. In the long run it is usually best to handle things like this from the start and not let it get worse. Don’t be afraid to be more of an adult in situations like this, I know its screwed up that you have to be more of an adult than some peoples parents sometimes but that’s life.

misombra · #6 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 09:01 PM

i think it takes more balls to just apologize. mothers freak out when they don't know where their daughters are. do you know what happens to young girls out there in the world? you guys could've called and said you would be late so she wouldn't worry.

toohot4pants · #7 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

you guys could've called and said you would be late so she wouldn't worry.

fer real...that's what should have been done.

now you gotta man up and apologize to the mom. forget all that nonsense about bringing a gift or complimenting her. just lay out a SINCERE apology. nothing more, nothing less. who knows...she may not even accept it and may still hate you...but thats not on you, you just have to apologize...very simply, very sincerely.

meh · #8 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 10:07 PM

You were 20 minutes late? That's nothing at all, just a waste of money to call and say "hey, you know, I'm supposed to be home now, but I'm actually going to be home in 20 minutes". I'd tell my kid "ok, and?". That is, unless she is under 12.

vashti · #9 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 10:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hugo Pickle

Screw that crap, don't apologize for anything. I bet (and I’m guessing here) that you would really like to say to her, "what’s your damn problem biatch?", "I didn't kidnap your daughter and I don't appreciate you judging me like I’m some kind of thug just because you have bullshit issues that you want to dump all on me."

If this is the kind of thing that you would really want to say to her then fine, I understand, but that’s not what you should say at all. But definitely don't apologize for your actions. What you should say about it and all you should say to her about it is, 'I’m sorry that you are so upset about it." This lets her know that you know damn well that this crap is her problem, not yours. Just walk away when she pulls out her issues and wants to be an ass by giving you the 3rd degree about responsibility.

You will want to say all kinds of things, but just be confident that your girlfriend knows the truth and her mom is just freaking out over her own issues. If you do what these other people tell you to do then you will regret it soon trust me. What you are doing if you apologize is setting up her mom up to blame you for everything that is her problem. And when you don’t apologize for whatever her issue is then you’re just an ass now and you’re different from what you used to be.

If you choose to just apologize fine, I understand, it takes balls to follow a lot of my advice. But remember, her mom is pulling some crap on the both of you and it will only get worse until you eventually confront it. If your serious about this girl then you will tell her all this before confronting her mom. In the long run it is usually best to handle things like this from the start and not let it get worse. Don’t be afraid to be more of an adult in situations like this, I know its screwed up that you have to be more of an adult than some peoples parents sometimes but that’s life.

Umm.. If you are under the age of 18 and you follow this advice, odds are very high that you will not be allowed to date this girl anymore. Parents hate kids who refuse to acknowledge they did wrong. Being a man requires one to see other people's point of view and be able to empathize with it.