Talk about some Mixed Signals

[Nikos]

Hello all.....so...here's the new dilemna...I have recently been seeing this girl who just recently got out of a serious relationship...it lasted about two years, I believe...Anyway, we;ve definitely had an interesting ride...at first, we were so nervous around each other, we had to drink just to relax and a lot of times that would lead to things we would regret the next day...Anyway, after all that..abouot 2 weeks, we finalyl started hanging out sober and really enjoying each others company..we have really grown to like each other a lot...we definitely act like a couple a lot of the time when we are together and she's told me how much she likes me but that she's scared of relationships and getting hurt by guys right now...

What this has led too, is one night she will be so sweet and treat me like I'm the only thing that matters to her...she's tells me how much she likes me, etc...but then the next day, she will act very nonchalant about everything, almost like it didn't happen....She says it freaks her out- the way we act...and that she's scared of developing too many feelings right now...
Like I said, it drives me crazy...because I really like this girl and I do not necessarily want a relationship...I just want to be able to express my care for her without her acting strange the next day and ignoring me...

I would appreciate any advice on what to do in this situation>.....thanks guys..

[chadro]

she is using u as the "not really my bf" untill i fund a permanent replacement. She wants the feeling of having one, but not REALLY having one.

[Lloyd95]

Welcome to the World of Women. Good luck with that.

[Pears]

She is having unstable feelings. She doesn't know what she wants. She wants to be close to you so she is sweet, but not too close so she is nonchalant. It looks like she is having trouble finding the reasonable medium to be in. When you talk to her, tell her that you are confused when she acts differently towards you day to day. You want to know how she really feels about you. If she can't figure it out now, maybe she needs some time to think about it. Until she figures out what she wants, you can protect yourself by not giving too much.

[Gigabitch]

[quote=Nikos]
Like I said, it drives me crazy...because I really like this girl and I do not necessarily want a relationship...I just want to be able to express my care for her without her acting strange the next day and ignoring me...
QUOTE]

From a female point of view, the phrase 'I do not necessarily want a relationship' is a RED FLAG. Your signals are also mixed. I'd be really careful about getting involved with you too.

[Rosebud]

I agree maybe your signals are a littel confusing as well but I would also like to add in that because she did just get out of this other relationship she's probably not ready to jump into another even though she likes spending time with you.

[clynn]

[quote=Gigabitch]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nikos

Like I said, it drives me crazy...because I really like this girl and I do not necessarily want a relationship...I just want to be able to express my care for her without her acting strange the next day and ignoring me...
QUOTE]

From a female point of view, the phrase 'I do not necessarily want a relationship' is a RED FLAG. Your signals are also mixed. I'd be really careful about getting involved with you too.

DITTOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nikos]

thanks guys...we just kind of broke it off and decided we cant be friends right now because we both still have feelings but we know we both aren't ready for anything serious...

It really sucks..because I am really upset about all of this..I really liked this girl....well off to sulk...thanks for your advice everyone...

[Rosebud]

Well it's probably for the best as much as it sucks! Sorry, but I'm sure you'll bounce back!

[foolinlove]

Niklos, your original post just described my exact situation about a year ago better than I ever had luck doing myself in here...

I agree with the others that she's just using you as the in-between guy at the moment. What I did was keep being nice hoping that things would evolve as they DID seem to get better (we went from only hanging out while drinking, to hanging out sober like you).
Unfortunately about half a year ago she found another guy, and I was devastated! Even though we were never boyfriend/girlfriend it took me a lot of time getting over this, and damn it if she didn't just tell me a couple of weeks ago that she has actually kind of regretted that she didn't let things evolve between us. Nothing will happen though, because she already moved in with the other guy, but this just set back my recovery over her to almost square one

So my advice is to talk things through with her. Be sure to let her know how you feel about her and how much you enjoy her company and that you'd like things to evolve. If I could do things over I even think I'd have let her know that I don't just wanna be the in-between guy...

Hope things work out to the better

[Fluffy]

recently i got out of a serios relationship. now i am not ready to get in a new serios relationship. i have a "bf", who is actually not my "legal bf".
if you really want to be with her, tell her about your feelings, but don't force the note. show her that you really care about her, and make her feel important. try to spend more time together!
she is confused and she doesn't know what she wants: she wants a guy, but the memories are too painful right now; she wants to be alone, but she is afraid.
GOOD LUCK!