Coming on too strong - Love Forum

nogame · #1 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 11:30 PM

As you guys know your username says what kinda person you are and I can tell you I really have no game.For this reason I am asking for some help from you.I hope that you guys have the patience to read long posts because this one is long since I don't wanna leave any details out if you're gonna help me .

The thing is I met this girl in school and I feel that she likes me but I think that I may be coming on too strong with her and I would like some answers on helping to slow things down.I am what would be considered an average joe I am 6 3 300lbs and average looking and this girl is like 5 3 100 lbs and gorgeous talk about opposites

.Anyway I have spoken to her 3 times and there are 3 incidents that occurred where I think that I came onto her too strong all of which occurred the 2nd and 3rd time I spoke to her which were:

1&2. She came up to me with one of her girlfriends and told me that she was a part of a club in school and why I didn't join the club and so on and so on then I said I wasn't a part of the club and I didn't wanna join and so on and so on.Then she went for lunch in the school cafeteria and came back outside alone.I was just standing alone when she was going on the elevator and pretended at the moment she was passing me that I was walking in her direction to go somewhere else and then stopped and talked to her but, after I finished talking to her I made the mistake of going back to standing where I was which I think mighta creeped her out or even if it didn't she knew that I wasn't going somewhere else but I just wanted to talk to her.When we talked at the elevator I blurted out to her that I had joined the club but, minutes before when she first spoke to me I told her I didn't want to and in addition to that I didn't give her a good reason why I joined the club and she didn't ask me either.I am feeling now that I shoulda really come up with an excuse about why I joined the club because now she probably thinks I joined the club just because she joined it which is mainly true but, I didn't wanna let her know that.

3. I also mighta given away my hand when I saw her with a male friend and her girlfriend from the time before sitting at a table in the school cafeteria while I was with my friends at another table.I didn't know when to go talk to her and myself and my friends were debating when I should do it.So just when she got up to leave my friend went to talk to her and I think he said that I was interested to her and then I got up and talked to her a little and asked her for her number in relation to some dance steps that she wanted to be taught.She gave me the lie that it was her mother's phone she was using and she worked all the time.The thing is I didn't wanna use the I was interested in her apporach but I wanted to use the I wanna be your friend first approach but my friend has made me probably have to change my game plan.
What I wanna know is since I'm gonna see her in school today should I tell her a good lie in response to my friend's statement and if so what lie should I tell her to not make her think of me as a stalker or should I just leave things how they are and talk about other things.

Tone · #2 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nogame

I am feeling now that I shoulda really come up with an excuse about why I joined the club because now she probably thinks I joined the club just because she joined it which is mainly true but, I didn't wanna let her know that.

Whaaat.. that's a GOOD thing - I'd WANT her to know I joined just because of HER. You have to drop her SOME hints that you're interested in her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nogame

3. I also mighta given away my hand when I saw her with a male friend and her girlfriend from the time before sitting at a table in the school cafeteria while I was with my friends at another table.I didn't know when to go talk to her and myself and my friends were debating when I should do it.So just when she got up to leave my friend went to talk to her and I think he said that I was interested to her and then I got up and talked to her a little and asked her for her number in relation to some dance steps that she wanted to be taught.She gave me the lie that it was her mother's phone she was using and she worked all the time.The thing is I didn't wanna use the I was interested in her apporach but I wanted to use the I wanna be your friend first approach but my friend has made me probably have to change my game plan.
What I wanna know is since I'm gonna see her in school today should I tell her a good lie in response to my friend's statement and if so what lie should I tell her to not make her think of me as a stalker or should I just leave things how they are and talk about other things.

No, why would you LIE to her?? Do you think girls like liars?

I wouldn't put all my eggs in this basket though, cause it doesn't sound like she's really too into you. But who knows. How old are you? The way you describe the story makes me think of Junior High School, but I'm gonna guess High School - never heard of any 6'3 300lb junior high kids. ;P

Pears · #3 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 11:47 PM

When you go back to school, take a look at how she is reacting. If she looks like she is avoiding you, maybe give her some space for a while. If she is willing to talk, then you can start with small talk. Judging by her responses, you can then decide if you want to bring up your situation with her or not. I'd say not to lie, but to be honest. Say that you didn't mean to come on too strong to her or scare her, if that's what you did.

nogame · #4 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

Whaaat.. that's a GOOD thing - I'd WANT her to know I joined just because of HER. You have to drop her SOME hints that you're interested in her.

No, why would you LIE to her?? Do you think girls like liars?

I wouldn't put all my eggs in this basket though, cause it doesn't sound like she's really too into you. But who knows. How old are you? The way you describe the story makes me think of Junior High School, but I'm gonna guess High School - never heard of any 6'3 300lb junior high kids. ;P

Sorry about that I had to log out for a sec.I am 21 years old I go to a small college.Thanks for helping me out with the first situation and about the phone number thing I thought it either meant she wasn't into me or she was doing what most girls do which is not to give out their number so early after talking to a guy.Honestly I don't know what it is.

Tone · #5 (**permalink**) 04-02-06, 12:05 AM

Well just keep on playin it cool and goin with the flow. Like Pears said you have to read into her and pay very very close attention to how she acts around you, read her body language, step up your flirting, look into her eyes, smile at her, find small excuses to touch her arm, etc.

Just keep at it. It can only benefit you, even if it doesn't work out.

nogame · #6 (**permalink**) 04-02-06, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pears

When you go back to school, take a look at how she is reacting. If she looks like she is avoiding you, maybe give her some space for a while. If she is willing to talk, then you can start with small talk. Judging by her responses, you can then decide if you want to bring up your situation with her or not. I'd say not to lie, but to be honest. Say that you didn't mean to come on too strong to her or scare her, if that's what you did.

Thanks for the help.I wanted to ask one more question and it is directed to you or anybody else.Me and my friends and her and her friends usually hang out in the same area a little distance apart from each other.What I wanted to ask is if I use the friend approach is it wise for me to introduce her to my friends and my friends to her friends and try to think I can win her heart because she might be interested in me or should I just deal with her and her friends.The reason why I asked this is many of my friends are guys and they are like wolves waiting on pounce on anything.I did tell them I was interested in her and they said they would respect that but I'm not sure if I should believe them.

nogame · #7 (**permalink**) 04-02-06, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

Well just keep on playin it cool and goin with the flow. Like Pears said you have to read into her and pay very very close attention to how she acts around you, read her body language, step up your flirting, look into her eyes, smile at her, find small excuses to touch her arm, etc.

Just keep at it. It can only benefit you, even if it doesn't work out.

Thanks again

Pears · #8 (**permalink**) 04-02-06, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nogame

Thanks for the help.I wanted to ask one more question and it is directed to you or anybody else.Me and my friends and her and her friends usually hang out in the same area a little distance apart from each other.What I wanted to ask is if I use the friend approach is it wise for me to introduce her to my friends and my friends to her friends and try to think I can win her heart because she might be interested in me or should I just deal with her and her friends.The reason why I asked this is many of my friends are guys and they are like wolves waiting on pounce on anything.I did tell them I was interested in her and they said they would respect that but I'm not sure if I should believe them.

If you want to keep things on a friendly level and you trust your friends to behave, then you can introduce your friends to her friends. When there's a bigger circle of people, it's easier to feel relaxed. Your friends by your side may help you feel more at ease when talking to her. If you think your friends will start trouble, then tell them seriously that they need to behave or you won't introduce them at all.

nogame · #9 (**permalink**) 04-02-06, 07:16 AM

I'll think about it

nogame · #10 (**permalink**) 09-02-06, 01:55 AM

I need some more help please.I didn't see the girl on Friday but, I'm most likely gonna see her in a couple of minutes and I wanna aplogise to her for potentially coming on too strong but, I'm not sure when to do it.The thing is like most pretty girls she usually has people around her and I was wondering if I should excuse her from her friends and talk to her or I should try to wait until I see her alone or if I should talk about it in front of her friends or what.Also do you think I should try to give her my number or would that help to scare her away?

DutchBoY · #11 (**permalink**) 09-02-06, 04:56 AM

I'd do it in private (friendly ask a word with her if she's surrounded by ppl all the time), and I wouldn't offer your phone number.....you want to apologise for coming on too strong; giving your phone number doesn't really back such an apology up imo. Save that for a bit later.

Tone · #12 (**permalink**) 09-02-06, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DutchBoY

I'd do it in private (friendly ask a word with her if she's surrounded by ppl all the time), and I wouldn't offer your phone number.....you want to apologise for coming on too strong; giving your phone number doesn't really back such an apology up imo. Save that for a bit later.

Yes, I agree with Dutchy.

I hope you read his post in time.

nogame · #13 (**permalink**) 18-02-06, 02:49 AM

Thanks for the help everybody but I didn't even see her.Anyway this is gonna be another long post because I have a few more love problems now.
After thinking about it I have come to the realization that she is a BP (Busy Pretty) Woman unless I'm that blind.I say this because of the always being with friends and her saying she works a lot scenarios (that part might not have been a lie) which I spoke about earlier and then there's the fact that I have never seen her like more than twice in a week and I'm a guy who is usually all over the campus at some time or the other.So after considering all of that is there some kinda special strategy anyone suggests for me to woo her or should I just do what I'm doing already.

I did say this was gonna be a long post so here comes the other problems.The thing is I have developed an attraction to my best friend and I don't know what I should do with regards to her.At first my interest level in her was about 70% but now it's about 90%.Our relationship has been kinda strange because she drives me crazy.When I first met her I had heard rumours that she might be bi or a full out lesbian but whether she is or not I'm not sure.She has just about as many bi and gay friends as she has straight ones then there was a time when some guys had asked her to kiss one of her gay friends but then she said she wouldn't do in public what she does in her bedroom.Anyway so our relationship developed she asked me for my number I gave it to her then she asked me if I liked her and I said no then she threw away my number.Later on she would sit in my lap from time to time,pretend like she was kissing me but not actually kiss me,slap me on my ass and that kinda thing but I thought she was just showing me how to deal with girls because I had told her I wasn't good with dealing with girls but now I'm not so sure what she was doing.She would also call me her boo from time to time and say I'm a gentleman and that we could go to the mall and watch a movie and so on and so on. It's always been so hard to tell with her though because one time she would talk to me very well then the next time she would pretend like I was stranger.In general she is either laughing and behaving childish or she is quiet as a mouse for long periods.I have always told people that she is my friend and when she is around I say that she is my friend but then I also act in a way that shows that I might be attracted to her. My friends asked her from time to time what she felt about me and she said that I wasn't interested in her because I liked another girl but she didn't say what she felt.

Anway so on Monday she asked me to be her Valentine and I said yes then we talked and she said she liked me as a friend and she again brought up the fact that we could hang out with each other. She then said that she was asking me to be her valentine because she was my friend and that she wasn't desperate or anything like that and she wasn't getting me any gift.On Valentines day now I got a gift for her but I couldn't go to school that day and then I heard from my friend that she was very depressed that I didn't show up and waited in school until 9:00 for me and she was like almost in tears because I didn't show up and she did actually get me something.So I called her Valentines night and talked to her and she said it wasn't a problem that I didn't show up then like 2 minutes into the conversation she said she was on another call and that I should call her back.I left a message but she didn't call me back then yesterday she told me she was sorry she didn't call me back.What do you guys think she feels about me?

Pears · #14 (**permalink**) 18-02-06, 06:51 AM

She definately likes you. If you like her, you better tell her so!

nogame · #15 (**permalink**) 05-03-06, 12:21 PM

Thanks for the help Pears and sorry again about the delayed response.I think that my chance with both girls are probably gone ie unless there is something you guys know that I don't.I know this is a Saturday night and I really don't expect a response now but, if I can get one by Monday that would be good.

With regards to the first girl I finally saw her in school again and just before I even got to say anything to her she was like 'I gotta go talk to professor so and so' and she left right away.

As for my friend I think games and inexperience might have just about ruined everything between us.What happened with her was after the whole Valentines' fiasco she called me back on Presidents' Day and we talked about the Valentines' stuff I gave to her.I then asked her if the offer for a date was still on the table she said yes and I said that it should be today and she said that I should call later on to finalise it.Anyway so the day after the phone call I decided that I was gonna play a game with her or at least try to where I would not give her attention and see how she would react.In school now she suddenly came up to me and greeted me with a hug which was the first time she ever did that.So I gave her a hug and then she started with her childish antics but I wasn't paying her any mind then, the two of us and about 15 other people went into a theater to rehearse a play.She then continued with her acting up but, I didn't pay her any mind.In the theater now there was an ipod connected to 2 big speakers and she was going through the playlist then an Usher song came on and she started doing a real sexy dance.She was rubbing her breasts,pointing at me and even showing a penis going into her and later on a song came on named Hyperventilating then she was like this song is dedicated to Joel(me) but throughout this theater episode I was basically serious all the time and I acted like if her dance did nothing to me and nothing else she did later for that matter.Anyway so I called her back a little later to talk about what happened and after multiple calls and messages I finally got to speak to her and we were having a good conversation flirting and everything.I then suddenly asked her if she was hyperventilating about me then she paused for a second and then came back on the phone cussing like if she was highly offended by that question and to boot she said the stuff she was doing in the theater was just a joke.She then hung up the phone like she did most times and I forgot to confirm the date like always.So not wanting to appear too desperate I finally decided to call her up on Thursday to confirm the date so I called her and she said call her when her minutes are free so I called her back and left a clear message on her phone saying that I was calling to confirm the date.I then said to myself if she was really interested in me she was gonna give me a call and I also didn't wanna appear too desperate either but Friday night I got no call from her.Today now I called her just before the date and asked her what was going on she was like 'why didn't you call me Friday' so then we got into a little argument and one of the things she said was she went out on Friday night then she was like she is in a relationship with someone and that she didn't know when she was gonna be able to go out with me.So was that definitely a rejection from her,did she cancel the date in advance,is it possible at this late stage that she is still playing games? And if she is possibly still interested in me or might be in the future how should I approach her.