what to do......

[juscallmefresh]

so me and this girl were official boyfriend and girlfriend for about 2years. then things happened between us, such as her health problems (cancer) and my depression. we split up. i pushed her forcably out of my life and told her to move on (i was an extremely depressed person at that time, and didn't know how much I loved her) well, she found another guy. and of course it was then that i realized that i loved her more than i had thought before. it's that old saying, you don't know how much you love someone until theyre gone. well she wasn't completely out of my life... we still talked and we have been talking. things got really messed up when she would tell me that she loves me and that she doesn't know what's going to happen with her and this new guy, but she fears that i am too late... at that point I decided that if i ignored her and got her out of my life completely that she would see what i saw when i lost her that she would realize how much she loves me... people told me that if i got out of her life that she would realize what she is missing... i tried it, and failed. i guess i didnt fail miserably because everytime i would not talk with her she would freakout and say she doesnt want to lose me. to make this shorter i will get into whats been happening recently. for about two weeks she has been going back and forth between me and this other guy. one night she hangs out with me, then the next she's with him. friday she went to his place. now, he is an alcoholic and they arent getting along too well so she ended up going out to a bar/club without him. so then me and her had planned on a date for saturday night... so she called me saturday morning to confirm our plans. so we went out and had an INCREDBILE night together. then she ended up going with him to a super bowl party the very next day, which was yesterday. this morning (monday) she called me and said, "let's go to the movies tonight"................ now i have read a few books on how to get her back, but i dont know how long i can deal with her going to see this other guy. people have told me not to tolerate it and that she's just walking all over me and not respecting me. others have also told me that if i remain calm and dont bring up the past and just have good times with her eventually she will want to be with me and he will eventually not be a part of her life. what should i do? i dont know how long i can pretend that her going to spend nights with him doesn't bother me, but i know if i bring that up to her she's just going to pull away from me and say that im pressuring her to chose between me and him... do you guys think i should just stop thinking so much and make myself happy and just enjoy my times with her and hope that we'll end up together??????

[Tone]

She's having her cake and eating it too, and you're allowing it.

[Ellynn]

Can you accept the fact that she may never want to be with you again....but that maybe she wants to be your friend? Can you handle a friendship with her?

It sounds to me like you two have been thru alot....and even though things didn't work out well with the two of you together......maybe friendship is the way to go.....if you can handle that.

If you can....then hang out with her....but you have to realize she has moved on... Don't expect anything to happen... Just go with the flow.

If honestly its bothering you being around her so much......and with this other guy in the picture....then it might be better to just distance yourself from her. If you do.....let her know your reasons.....truthfully. Maybe then she will understand where your coming from... and won't take it as your trying to cut her off becuz you don't care... but becuz you DO care.

Then whatever happens after that.....will tell you how much you mean to her. IF she wants to be with you again....she will come back. If not....then at least you weren't wasting your time in the meantime...dwelling on something that may or may not ever happen again....