Irrational Jealously tearing at me

[Ellynn]

Its normal to feel jealous. But you have to remember........this was a long time ago...... Things have changed. She obviously isn't with the guy.....and she probably had the big elaborate wedding becuz it was her first wedding. Some women choose to have the second one like that.....but others probably feel....why? I mean its one day....and super expensive.....and the day goes by in a big blur.

Anyways......also keep in mind she had kids with her first husband. Even though she doesn't have those feelings for him....she is still tied to him thru them. I mean.....she is probably hanging on to those pics for her kids sake. So they have something of their parents....when they get older...

My friend recently got married......and her husband and her decided to get rid of all pics of their ex's. THe only pics she didn't get rid of.....were the ones of her daughters father.....becuZ she wanted something for her daughter to have....to show her there were once happy times.

Don't be jealous......shes with you now.......and not him. Its her past.......and everyone has a past. YOu have to respect that.

[Rosebud]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

You can only be in love for the first time once, so it is not surprising that she doesn't look at you the same way. She was young and foolish when those pictures were taken, and don't forget that they were probably posed, and not natural.

Anyway, you know very well that she doesn't love him any more, so why try to compare yourself? Forget the pictures - they are momentos for her children for later on (he is a part of their history and they will want the pictures).

100% agree. Everyone get's jealous at some point in their life. But comparing yourself to others in your partner's past is not the way to go about handling it. You should be happy with her and not jealous of what she had in the past, obviously she loves you very much if she's marrying you and letting you be in her children's life.

[clynn]

I would say as an adult child of divorced parents that it is very comforting to know that at one time my parents did love each other....

But you don't need to feel jealous.

I bet her idea of romance and a big wedding and all that jazz has changed dramatically over the years.

Today - the stability and real love you give her is probably much more romantic than the other phoney baloney stuff!

[Rosebud]

Quote:

Originally Posted by clynn

I would say as an adult child of divorced parents that it is very comforting to know that at one time my parents did love each other....

I would also agree!!!!!!

[Converse]

She's probably really happy with you so I wouldn't worry, maybe she just keeps them to save her memories and there's nothing wrong with that at all.

[Only-virgins]

Previously married girls are out in my book.

[vashti]

That's okay, you may not rank very high in their books, either OV.
:-)

[misombra]

maybe she doesn't want such a big wedding because the last one was so stressful and the marriage didn't last anyway, she realized a smaller wedding was a lot less stress, you know? just cause that wedding was supposedly better didn't necessarily mean they're marriage was better, right? he'll always be a part of her life, you'll have to accept that preferably before you marry her. but she's not with him, she's with you. now stop being such a jerk.

[Gigabitch]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Upross

I know I am being irrational but I feel demented and am afraid I am going to say something awful when she returns.

OMG, don't say anything about it. Jealousy is sooo unattractive. Don't be angry with her for having a life before you- it's about your future together, not her past.

[AmyLee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

You can only be in love for the first time once, so it is not surprising that she doesn't look at you the same way. She was young and foolish when those pictures were taken, and don't forget that they were probably posed, and not natural.

Anyway, you know very well that she doesn't love him any more, so why try to compare yourself? Forget the pictures - they are momentos for her children for later on (he is a part of their history and they will want the pictures).

i strongly agree with her opinion.

This is part of her past, she will never be able to erase that for many reasons including the
fact that she has children with this guy.
She's with you now, and she's getting married again because she loves you, its been 8
years like you said and i seriously doubt she has any hidden fillings for this guy cause that
makes no sense, she wouldn't be with you.
You're not kids anymore so i think its totally clear that you have no reason to feel jealous.

I know jealousy is not something you can just 'forget about' cause its a very strong feeling
and sometimes it makes us feel akward and bad, but remember she loves YOU not her ex
husband, and you should be glad that at least she keeps some memories from her past
to show her children whenever they're bigger (im not sure if they're lil kids or what), they
will be asking her where's their father if that's the case and she needs soemthing so they
can remember him by if they are not able to see him often or whatever.

Cheer up! everything will be just great, never forget to tell her how much u love her and
what the heck, bring a camera with u all the time and take those pictures she doesn't take!
u deserve ur pics too!

[Only-virgins]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

That's okay, you may not rank very high in their books, either OV.
:-)

Then it doesnt matter.

[Upross]

Thanks for the advice and in some cases the harsh (deserved) words. I looked at the picture a few times more and each time they mattered less and less. The past is another country. I actually can remember what I was doing the weekend she got married and I bet my fiance would get a bit jealous if she knew.! I agree that what only matters is now and the future and both look very bright.Hew daughters (10 and 9) are very excited about the wedding and their first words to me after I proposed to their Mum was 'Can we call you Dad? They do know their dad but the realise he has no interest in them.
Incidentally last night my fiance called to say she saw some lovely wedding dresses on her business trip and now wants a white wedding after all preferably in a castle!

[Lloyd95]

Sounds like the making of a great/happy family! congrats.

[AmyLee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Upross

Thanks for the advice and in some cases the harsh (deserved) words. I looked at the picture a few times more and each time they mattered less and less. The past is another country. I actually can remember what I was doing the weekend she got married and I bet my fiance would get a bit jealous if she knew.! I agree that what only matters is now and the future and both look very bright.Hew daughters (10 and 9) are very excited about the wedding and their first words to me after I proposed to their Mum was 'Can we call you Dad? They do know their dad but the realise he has no interest in them.
Incidentally last night my fiance called to say she saw some lovely wedding dresses on her business trip and now wants a white wedding after all preferably in a castle!

I knew everything was going to turn out great... im glad you realized it wasn't a real
reason for feeling jealous.
you have your own family now.

[Tone]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Sounds like the making of a great/happy family! congrats.

Agreed, good job fella.