What to do.. - Love Forum

irrelevance · #1 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 04:53 AM

looking for the opinions of what other people think.. I'm a type of person who has few friends, mostly with those that are my best or close ties. I don't like having friends who are considered "single-serving" friends, long story short, I just prefer being around with people who are caring and are considered "worthy" of a good friendship.

My chinese horoscope is the Boar/pig, if that says anything, which I've read.. is clearly a lot like me. My zodiac sign is Leo.

anyways.. getting a bit out of the introductory cycle.

a little less than a year ago, I met a female from an online internet game (MMO RPG) that I played. At first, it was just a small friend, talk to talk every once and awhle about random stuff sort of thing. Somehow, this then morphed into a thing where we started talking about anything, everything, everyday. There was rarely a day where we didn't talk to each other, seemed like we had a great time talking to each other. We eventually did stuff like questing, hunting, etc ingame together. Little by little I learned more about her. I have practically all our IM's logged on my computer, sometimes I have a habit to go back and reread them.

She has a boyfriend, lives practically across the US. I learned that with her boyfriend, it seems like he treats her very very horribly and so demanding that I want to beat this guy up if I ever saw him in RL from what she's been telling me that he does. This guy plays the game too, is leader of some stuff that a lot of people do for him (including me, his gf, and other people etc). But he has two faces, one online, and one to her. The one to her is very very rude in my opinion. She on the otherhand, has nothing to do with her life everyday. had moved from another state, didn't finish HS so she could be with this guy (said they went great for 1 year, this is the 4th year, and the last 3 have been worse). They moved from one state to another, so she lost all her close/and-or/friends. She told me one feature about her was that she had the tendancy to cling onto things.. so this was why she could not bring herself to break up with him, she's more of the "submissive" type (in my thinking) of their relationship. I also learned.. that sometimes she doesn't get to eat food for a day every other few days of the week, because that's simply how their living conditions are. The guy has gotten offer for other jobs and stuff, but he doesn't take them and continues to blame her for not having a job (she's had three different jobs since the last year) and keeps saying she needs to pull her own weight. Sometimes, he gets mad at her over things like her doing things with her "internet friends" (a term that really hurt me when I heard it) such as me.

The last few months we've been talking and talking, talked on the phone a few times every other month about random stuff. I kind of really liked her as a friend, wanted to get to know her better. Over these few months I eventually got her able to get the guts to send a message to her parents about their relationship (she lives with the guy in a home where they share one room with 3 or 4 other tenants). She got the guts, told her father and stuff, then we're kinda at like present now. Nothing's happened, but said she's just staying so she could get the money that her bf owes her for her glasses, and will go.

But at the same time.. it seems like our talks have been getting worse in the process. I try to care for her like a brother, as if she's a sister that I never had. I finally got the guts to say that after I grad from univ. this coming summer, I'd fly over and visit her, and this wasn't a bluff, more like something I said I promised to do, if she moved back with her parents. She sounded very happy and was looking forward to that, and those words made her happy for a few days. However, over the last few weeks.. it seems like her cycle with the guy is continuing again. Things get great, then go bad again, in a continual cycle. Lately I think I've been getting on her nerves by telling her again this guy is such a nusiance. Our chats have suffered in result, sometimes she doesn't get in the mood to talk to me or do things anymore.

I think I kind of like her, but I still don't know what to do. We've shown each other our pictures, talked a lot about random stuff. I told her once or a few times that I thought online relationships were too crazy, it's stuff that needs to be left alone. Ironically, it was me that first started with the rock solid image that making love relationships online were a pure waste of time, but over the last few months, this transtition changed from me and I started to think otherwise (I've had girls who tried hitting on me in the past online, eventually I end up ignoring them, and told this to her once, she didn't really give a coment about it.)

Also another thing that shouldn't be factored and doesn't really need to be considered, I guess. I'm asian, and she is white. Even though race doesn't matter to me, I wonder if she thinks otherwise. She's stated she had an ex in the past who was asian as well.

Honestly I don't know what I'm doing.. I try to care for her because - simply it's part of my nature to do so (I think) for people that I care about. But am I going too far? Is there something that I'm doing wrong or taking this a step too far?

opinions are appreciated.. thanks

edit.. i noticed that some of this may seem kind of vague. I tried quickly to condense what I saw within over half a year.

Rosebud · #2 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 05:24 AM

In all honestly, you shouldn't be medling in other people's relationships even if it is as a friend. This is something she has to do for herself and you don't ahve any control over it what so ever. I don't know if you really just like this girl as a friend or you want more from her but I'd back way off because as it looks, she is doing that to you. Not to mention you ahave no control over anything and you getting upset and saying things about her boyfriend no matter how she feels about him....is wrong!

Tone · #3 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 05:25 AM

word, I read your story and I agree with RoseB.

I'll also add in - this is why you don't mess around with girls on the INTERNET either - try to meet some girls close to you.

clynn · #4 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 05:31 AM

Me three. You don't want to get involved in someone else's relationship.

Only-virgins · #5 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 06:13 AM

Cliff notes please someone

________________

Converse · #6 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 06:14 AM

STAY OUT OF IT! I don't mean to sound harsh but, you've only heard what she has had to say about her relasionship and it might not be all truthful etc. Go into the real world and get a girlfriend they are out there, lol!

clynn · #7 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 06:14 AM

Cliffs Notes:

this guy likes a girl he met on an internet computer game.
she has a boyfriend who he doesn't think treats her very well.
what, if anything, should be done about it?

Only-virgins · #8 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 06:17 AM

Thanks clynn for the cliff notes.

I would like to agree with everyone her....but...that depends on how extreme this "bad treatment" is. If it is physical abuse then, yes, get involved, but if she just thinks hes mean then stay out.

clynn · #9 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by irrelevance

I also learned.. that sometimes she doesn't get to eat food for a day every other few days of the week, because that's simply how their living conditions are. .

OV, I picked this out of his story. There was very little else that were specific references to this guy's treatment of his girlfriend.

Rosebud · #10 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 06:36 AM

But again you guys...He's never met her in person so for all he knows she could be a compulsive liar looking for attention!

cyraxlk4d4 · #11 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 02:20 PM

If you can't look inot their eyes when they talk then don't believe everything they say. You met on an online game right. So I'm assuming the game has a monthly subscription fee and they most likely need a high speed connection to play it. And a computer. Things can't be that bad. Makes me suspicious. By "talk" do you mean instant message or actual talking. She may just like the attention she gets from your sympathy. The pictures she sent could be anyone. You never know. If the friendship was made int the game it should stay in the game.

Only-virgins · #12 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosebud

But again you guys...He's never met her in person so for all he knows she could be a compulsive liar looking for attention!

Very true.

clynn · #13 (**permalink**) 08-02-06, 02:52 PM

I was just picking out stuff for OV cuz he didn't seem to want to read the whole post. I wasn't making comments on it.

I personally wouldn't go too far with people I met on line.

ha ah. Though I'm starting to believe like some of you are real live people. But of course LV is different.

Pears · #14 (**permalink**) 09-02-06, 12:01 AM

From your post, I take it that you don't go out much or meet new people often. When one of your hobbies is playing games on the computer, it's hard not to find someone to like online. Starting anything with her is a bad idea. First, she lives far away, so you'd have to manage a long distance relationship, which is hard. Second, she is already in a relationship. Regardless of whether it is a good or bad relationship, it is not your call to break it up. It is up to her. If you try to persuade her to like you, she will get more confused. Third, there are most likely people closer to you who you haven't met and could potentially be great partners.

Gigabitch · #15 (**permalink**) 09-02-06, 12:02 AM

My ex- used to play EQ constantly. I think he got pretty involved with people online with game politics, etc. Then he went to a convention and pretty much lost interest in the game, sold his character and just quit. He said that he was shocked at how different people were IRL.

You have no idea what the real story is on her. Do you feel that you have a responsibiliy to this person you've never met?