Small Problem - Love Forum

#1 (**permalink**) 12-02-06, 05:20 AM

hey guys! first time back in while.. anyways, i come to you guys for some help..

my girlfriend jordyn and i have now been together for nearly a year. although, i'm discovering something about myself. i get jealous when she talks to other guys. yeah, small small small i know, but it creates some pretty serious rage inside.

what i noticed is that i get it from my dad. he's seriously like that. i've done more than enough about this problem. my therapist says that it's normal to feel the jealousy when my girlfriend talks to another guy. but i don't want to feel this way. it's wrong and it does nothing but hurt. i've also talked to her about it. i just don't know what to do. i've tried holding it in and not doing anything but i end up taking it out on her in a different way.

can somebody help please?

Gigabitch · #2 (**permalink**) 12-02-06, 05:41 AM

My therapist says that that kind of serious rage is fear-based and doesn't have much to do with your present situation. Try to figure out why you have a trust issue. Do you trust Jordyn in general?

Holding it in is going to give you an ulcer.

#3 (**permalink**) 12-02-06, 05:37 PM

do i trust her? ...no, not at all.

it's kinda one of those things.. it takes forever to build trust, but one lie to destroy it type thing. i finally caught her lying to me once and i went ****in wacko about it because i'm so serious about staying true to your word.

#4 (**permalink**) 12-02-06, 05:38 PM

gigabitch, i think i'm realizing things now. i'm getting a bunch of "ah-HA!"s at the moment. thank you so much

ghenzmitz · #5 (**permalink**) 12-02-06, 07:24 PM

JUST FEEL IT BRO...IF BOTH OF you really have feelings between the both of you, you'll know that you trust her...not asking us if we trust her or not because in the first place, we don't know who she is.

#6 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 12:56 AM

i think every guy is like this cuz im like that with my gf. oh and she hasnt broke my trust either.. im just really insecure.

maybe if you build enough resistance then you will be able to tolerate it without feeling jealous. let her talk to other guys and dont say anything about it. talk to other girls if it makes you feel better.

Only-virgins · #7 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 01:00 AM

People who have therapists are crazy.

#8 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 01:03 AM

i thought they meant like guidance counselor or something.

Nameless18 · #9 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 01:12 AM

I understand how you feel on this matter. As for me, i could not tell her not to speak to other guys ever again or something like that. I give her freedom yet some restrictions on our relationships. If she should ever leave me, then she probably isn't the one i'm waiting for.

#10 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 03:08 AM

Yeah, but the thing is, it's really hypocritical on my part. I talk and flirt with other girls all the time and she hates it. It's not like I'm going to **** these other girls...well....

But she doesn't like it, and she does the same thing and I don't like it. It's not really healthy. =\

So given all of the above statements and facts, how do we actually FIX the problem(s)?

alice · #11 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LTsK8eR2gO

Yeah, but the thing is, it's really hypocritical on my part. I talk and flirt with other girls all the time and she hates it. It's not like I'm going to **** these other girls...well....

But she doesn't like it, and she does the same thing and I don't like it. It's not really healthy. =\

So given all of the above statements and facts, how do we actually FIX the problem(s)?

maybe both of you could just stop flirting?

clynn · #12 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 04:41 AM

Yah, until one of you stops you'll both continuing doing it as a means to ignite something in the other person.

Gigabitch · #13 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 05:34 AM

I stayed with my high school boyfriend for at least six months too long because I was interested in punishing him for a flirting incident. I tortured him with guilt. It was rotten, and when I finally grew up enough to move on, my life was much happier.

Would it be horrible to break up? If you don't have trust, do you at least love her?

Debunkt · #14 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

If you don't have trust, do you at least love her?

I don't think you can truly have the latter without the former.

I think ya'll are both using the flirting as a means to entice the other, as someone pointed out earlier. You're right, its not healthy, and typically a sign that you're not as in love as you think you are. Love and non-love are all about the ease with which you can do things, and if you can easily flirt, be hypocrytical, and hate an aspect of that other person, its not good.

gHEXjt · #15 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilwing89

i think every guy is like this cuz im like that with my gf.

Every guy is definitely not like that. You should either hold it in and not display your jealousy at all, or break up w/her if you don't trust her. Relationships are built on trust. Insecurity is SO ridiculous if they've done nothing to lose your trust. It's hypocritical bullshit that I've never stood for and will never stand for. Cause the insecure people treat their partner like shit, and then a lot of the time, turn around and pull the same shit and think its okay. Each insecure girl I've been w/has been forced to hit the curb rather quickly. Her having to put up w/your insecurity and vice versa is just being a doormat for you. There's an easy remedy--Stop, think about what the situation is, and then decide not to be a huge dickhead and don't make a big deal about her talking to another guy.