friends first? - Love Forum

youraddiction · #1 (**permalink**) 12-02-06, 12:49 PM

i have been surfing around this forum and most of the posts starts with 'i knew this girl for 2 years' or 'we have been friends forever' stuff like that. before getting into a relationship do you need to be friends with them first? can't i just skip that stage? is it possible? what are the pros and cons of it? i really want to know what you guys think

vashti · #2 (**permalink**) 12-02-06, 12:54 PM

I think the advantage of dating a friend is that you have more to base a relationship on than physical attraction. That being said, I have never dated a "friend".

lilwing89 · #3 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 12:17 AM

no you dont need to be friends with them first.
yesyou can just skip the stage, its possible. you make it seem like you are stuck in a situation like this now. please tell me more information and i will help as much as i can.

the pros are
deeper feelings for eachother
stronger relationship that will last longer
a friend even when you break up

the cons are
you have to wait
you have to wait some more
ok you really have to wait on that stuff..
also if she goes out with another guy while you guys are 'friends' it will hurt you.
its really hard to be friends with someone you want to date.

this is everything i know, everything ive experienced with those kinds of relationships.

Gigabitch · #4 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 05:23 AM

I've found that the relationships can be really different. With people who were friends first, it's a little more complicated.

I guess I trust my friends much more that guys who ask me out first thing. (Is this true for others?) Sometimes that results in a lot of pain if it doesn't work out. I miss the friend more than the boyfriend.

I think skipping the friend stage might be more honest. If you're attracted, why pretend you're not?

DutchBoY · #5 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 05:27 AM

well, personally I haven't been in a relationship with a friend before, but I'm currently giving it a shot with a friend I've developed feelings for the last couple of weeks. In my opinion what lilwing said is pretty much all there is to say about it I guess.

King_For_A_DAy · #6 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 05:32 AM

My current girlfriend and I were friends first. I had to wait through 4 months of wanting her for her to finally come around. I think it's better to be friends first, this relationship is different than all of my others. It's my first time dating a friend, and really, it doesn't feel like there's any pressure or worry about impressing them. We know each other inside out, there're no odd moments, we can talk about anything, and we're extremely comfortable around each other.

I say try and be her friend first, but drop subtle hints that you want more all throughout the relationship.

secrets · #7 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 01:10 PM

i think that the *friends first* thing is overrated...i mean..some people meet and click..romantically...others develop romantic feelings through friendship..

my boyfriend and i..we were friends first..and he had a thing for me..but i was like "babe..i would never date you..you are far from my type" and now we're together..and i like the way our story unfolds...i think it depends on the relationship...and how it begins...romantically or on friendly level...

Ellynn · #8 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 02:33 PM

You can definately skip the whole friends first thing.....

I have dated guys who I basically jumped right into a relationship with. It was just an instant attraction.....so we were beyond friendship right away. I mean obviously you have friendship....but you have more... I think its important to have both......no matter what order they come in.

Cybog · #9 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 03:40 PM

Friends first translates into "Won't last more than a year" 95% of the time.

Sure, there are exceptions, but very few relationships stand the test of time when they are "friends first" for a long time before the relationship started. It's a stupid thing to think of anyhow...guys and girls can't be friends in the first place.

alice · #10 (**permalink**) 13-02-06, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cybog

It's a stupid thing to think of anyhow...guys and girls can't be friends in the first place.

bullsh*t. maybe you can't, but that doesn't go for the rest of the world as well.

Late_vamp · #11 (**permalink**) 14-02-06, 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alice

bullsh*t. maybe you can't, but that doesn't go for the rest of the world as well.

I agree with Cybog ... no man can be friend with woman truly ... attraction and sex always comes along ... if not then there is different ways of thinking ... and one girl can never really be "one of the guys" even if some claim they are ... wait until one of those chumps cant take it anymore and opens up to her to how much he likes her , or better yet , wait till one day shes out "with the guys" and she gets drunk and screwed by all the "guys" .

Cybog · #12 (**permalink**) 14-02-06, 08:29 AM

Alice, if you have any guy friends that aren't gay, and you aren't ugly/fat and disgusting, they would **** you in a heartbeat. Good friends you have there.

Hell, even if you are fat or smell - a lot of guys still would. How else would people like some of these forum regulars have gotten here?

TyRuK · #13 (**permalink**) 14-02-06, 08:34 AM

Cybog is right. I am friends with girls who are ugly but with the girls who are very good lookin' I would **** them in a heartbeat. But what's to say that friends can't **** in the 1st place and still be friends?

I've worked out that I've been in love three times. And the girl who was my best friend who i fell for hurt the most when nothing became of my feelings so don't do the friends thing. Stay friends!

DutchBoY · #14 (**permalink**) 14-02-06, 08:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TyRuK

Cybog is right. I am friends with girls who are ugly but with the girls who are very good lookin' I would **** them in a heartbeat. But what's to say that friends can't **** in the 1st place and still be friends?

I've worked out that I've been in love three times. And the girl who was my best friend who i fell for hurt the most when nothing became of my feelings so don't do the friends thing. Stay friends!

I feel ya, I'm in exactly the same situation now. I've fallen damn hard for a friend, and now I'm hanging by a thread. She knows how I feel, and needs time to work things out. But I almost certainly know my having told her won't affect our friendship too bad, and I think I would've been more messed up if I had kept it in. Anyways, we'll see how things work out, I've got another thread going in dating talk in which the details are, and I'll keep you guys posted.

alice · #15 (**permalink**) 15-02-06, 03:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cybog

Alice, if you have any guy friends that aren't gay, and you aren't ugly/fat and disgusting, they would **** you in a heartbeat. Good friends you have there.

Hell, even if you are fat or smell - a lot of guys still would. How else would people like some of these forum regulars have gotten here?

i'd still say they're very good friends, even if they would **** me in a heartbeat. they respect me, treat me as i would expect to be treated by a friend, are there for me when i need them and vice versa. what else does it require to qualify as a friend?
two of my closest friends are male. another is female and lesbian. with each of them i've shared my bed dozens of times without ever having sex or getting anywhere near it. maybe we've just grown used to it, maybe it's because we're not animals and able to control our instincts.
i do realize though, that your point of view is shared by the majority of people.