Asking for stuff back?

[lauren_gal25]

Hi - I posted a couple wks ago about breaking things off with a guy after a month's fling last Nov/Dec. He called after Christmas and NY's, was very nice, & I called a couple wks after the last time we talked (mistake- should have given both him and myself some space). Left msg, he hasn't returned it, & I'm not counting on him to. I'm doing a 60-day "no contact" period & am 1/2way thru.

I accidentally left earrings at his place that are special to me, & forgot to ask for them the last time we talked. I'm wondering if, after the 60 days, it would be weird to ask for them back? Or should I just do it now, the sooner the better? Although it wouldn't be the end of the world, they were a gift & I can't find a replacement. I don't know if he would still have them- do guys throw stuff like that away after a short time or just leave buried in a drawer? It IS my stuff & I want to at least ask, and if he has them, ask him to mail unless he's nice and offers for me to stop by. I'm tempted to text or call soon to just get it over with, but am hesitant to break the 60-day deal b/c I'm still not completely over him, unfortunately.

What do ya'll think? I've never had to deal w/this "stuff" thing before.

[TAVS]

hmm Tough one. Dont know what to tell you.

I can tell you I haven't thrown valuable things away from my Ex who dumped me. Next time she's in town; I'll let her know I have some stuff she left behind.

[Tone]

Bleh - I wouldn't bother for some earrings.

[Gigabitch]

Are your earrings more important than this guy's opinion of you? You seem to be following some kind of code. Why? Are you concerned he'll think the earrings are an excuse to talk to him?

Could you send him a bubble mailer with your address on it and a note asking him to mail them? I know that seems kind of cold, but no worse that not returning a phone call.

[vashti]

Could you send him a bubble mailer with your address on it and a note asking him to mail them? I know that seems kind of cold, but no worse that not returning a phone call.

Good idea.

[clynn]

Are your earrings more important than this guy's opinion of you? You seem to be following some kind of code. Why? Are you concerned he'll think the earrings are an excuse to talk to him?

Could you send him a bubble mailer with your address on it and a note asking him to mail them? I know that seems kind of cold, but no worse that not returning a phone call.

I also agree that this is a good idea.

I would call him or track him down IF the earrings are really important to. But be honest with yourself, how important ie: valuable, meaningful are they?

[bluesummer]

Ugh, I called my ex once after our breakup because he had these really nice pictures of me from my graduation (the professional ones), and I wanted them back because they cost me a lot, AND they were from MY GRAD. Memories and all. Figured he'd be happy to let them go. I told him I'd send him a stamped addressed envelope so he could send them back to me free of charge. However, the ******* denied I'd ever given them to him. Which is total crap because he had them framed on his dresser for five years. Grrr.

I guess it depends on the guy.

[lauren_gal25]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I think I will call in a couple wks, b/c I am almost over him but not quite. Once I am, I can contact him w/not much mixed emotion & ask him to mail them & I can pay back if necessary. I'd rather text- more casual- but want to explain myself well & don't want to leave a lengthy text.

My question now is, should I mention the fact that he never returned my voicemail from a while ago? In a couple wks that will have been about 1 1/2 mos. back. I think that's rude & I shouldn't let a guy get away w/treating me like that. Or just act like I never called, be cool, and mention nothing but mailing my earrings? Guys can be guys sometimes & maybe he didn't mean to be mean, I'm just not priority to him anymore & he will call when he wants, he needs space now. I'm not sure if he wants to stay friends or not, & want to leave that option open, but I guess he'll make it clear if he does, right? Guys are soo hard to understand.

[Gigabitch]

My question now is, should I mention the fact that he never returned my voicemail from a while ago?

Hell, no! Unless you think he'll suddenly become another person and start calling you back because you mention it. Sounds unlikely.

[lauren_gal25]

Hell, no! Unless you think he'll suddenly become another person and start calling you back because you mention it. Sounds unlikely.

Oh yeah, I know that won't change his future actions. I guess I just want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't get the msg... you don't know til you mention it, right? Then again, do I want him to know that I called? Not really, I wish I hadn't at that point. But, if he didn't get the msg, and now has me calling and being all business-like and just wanting my special stuff, wouldn't I seem rude to him after he had called twice after the holidays to see how I was doing?

[Tone]

You're not over him. And if in a couple weeks you're asking him why he didn't return your voice mail - you're still not over him.

Just cut your loss, lauren, and forget about the earrings. I don't think they REALLY mean as much to you as you like to think, I think you're really just looking for any excuse to talk to contact him, HOPING (maybe subconciously) that the subject of "us" will come up. But I could be wrong... if you REALLY want them back, and are NOT just looking for an excuse to talk to him - then do what Giga suggested and send him a letter.

[Gigabitch]

Okay, okay, too harsh. Leave him a voicemail about the earrings, not mentioning the other message. if he doesn't return this call either, you have your answer.

[lauren_gal25]

if in a couple weeks you're asking him why he didn't return your voice mail - you're still not over him.

if you REALLY want them back, and are NOT just looking for an excuse to talk to him - then do what Giga suggested and send him a letter.[/QUOTE]


Yeah, I'm not over him yet. But a lot more so than a couple wks ago and won't call til I am. I'm not going to ask why he didn't return the call, just mention it something like "I didn't hear back from my voicemail a month ago... we don't need to talk, I just want earrings back..." to acknowledge that I know he's not interested in talking often or at all anymore and that's why I am strictly calling to get my stuff back. I guess I do hope to stay friends, but there is absolutely noo desire to hook up again, he's not the one for me. Does that make sense? How would a guy respond to that? I know I'm being an overanalytical female!

[Tone]

Being friends will only cause more pain, drama, confusion, problems, etc.

[Pears]

Being friends will only cause more pain, drama, confusion, problems, etc.

True. You can only be friends with someone years after you have gotten over him/her.