Journ's back. and needs help..again

[Journey]

OK. A quick recap. I met a girl about a year ago. I was with her for 5 months. I fell in love with her. She told me 3.5 months ago she met another man and she’s been with him ever since.
She wanted to be friends – I tried but I couldn’t do it. I basically have ceased contact. We met once after the break-up and she brought two friends. One of them had to return to her home country but the other one was interested in me. From the start she moved fast - and so for about two months now its been just a physical relationship where we get together about once a week.
Its like we both have this unwritten agreement that its just a physical thing – she hasn’t indicated at all that she expects anything more. But somehow I sense that with time, feelings will come into play. Also there’s the fact that I still love my ex – which she might sense.
I feel like its time to say something like, “I don’t have much to offer right now – my heart is not ready for anything more with you or with anyone. I just want to make that clear, but you might sense that already.” She might know already that I still have feelings for my ex and that I have not yet moved on, but I'm not sure.
Due to my Collin Farrel behaviour and uncanny resemblance I might get a slap across the face but I don’t think so – she has wanted nothing more than what we’ve had so far, but I feel like saying something. Should I? She still hangs out with my ex alot and I’m sure they talk. It would feel good for me to be open with her, but I’m sure it would get back to the ex that I still can’t move on after all of this time :S (which I think is not an attractive quality).
I've also thought about saying good-bye to her altogether. Being with her for longer is just keeping the physical relationship going - it satisfies my physical needs but is not doing anything to heal my heart. Will cutting all ties help me to move on?

[DutchBoY]

Well, is the true problem here you wanting to move on or you staying in this fling without it getting serious or anything. If you want to move on, but still feel tied to your ex by the girl you're having a fling with now, cut off all contact and start working on moving on.

If you're just wanting to keep the fling going without it getting too serious, it seems from your story the girl isn't expecting anything more from the relationship than you do, so I think you shouldn't do anything and go with the flow. When the time comes she actually wants more, you can always see from there where you stand and if you're up for something more serious.

[misombra]

... do i wanna be theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeieeeeeeeeeere in myyyyyyyyyyy cityyyyyyyyyyyy...

what up journ? i told you a long time ago to not get involved with this girl, you decided to not listen. i still feel the same. you should've made it clear before you guys got physical what you expected and what she expected. if you don't wanna hang out with her then let go soon before she gets attached, if she's not already. if she is then you're really in for it. good luck.

[Journey]

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

... do i wanna be theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeieeeeeeeeeere in myyyyyyyyyyy cityyyyyyyyyyyy...

what up journ? i told you a long time ago to not get involved with this girl, you decided to not listen. i still feel the same. you should've made it clear before you guys got physical what you expected and what she expected. if you don't wanna hang out with her then let go soon before she gets attached, if she's not already. if she is then you're really in for it. good luck.

ooooh ooo oooooooo oo oo oo
so you said your loneleee
well my friend..I'm lonleee toooo oo
I wanna get back, to my citee by the raaaaaiiiiiiiaaaaaaann
ooooo ooooh oo ooh ooooh


I thought about it mis - is my desire for love greater than my desire for just sex with no deep feelings. I know I won't be with the friend long-term. I know I'm not head over heels for her - like love at first sight - as it was with the ex. I know it should be good bye.

I'll be allright withooooooouutt you
there must be sooooomeone eeeeelse
I keeeep telllin myyyyyyyyyyyyself!!!!!!!

[clynn]

I think you should end it with the friend.

For both of your sakes.

[Journey]

I don't think she is tooo attached, but anyways I want to say something like.."I want to be able to give myself fully. I was able to do that about a year ago. But now I can't. I just want to be able to get there and I need some time alone."
A year ago is when I met the ex. And it felt so natural and I was happy to give everything I had. With the friend I am not feeling that way. The friend should know that when I am with someone its not just for sex. Although I will miss that. That message will probably get back to the ex too.

[Journey]

So I talked to her last night. I told her basically that right now I can’t give anything more into the relationship, that my heart is closed based on what has happened to me in the past, but that deep down I am looking for more – to be in a fully loving relationship. Those two things conflict - I know. So I concluded that I just need my time alone.

I asked her to leave it up to me to decide when to call her again – a day, a week, a month – I don’t know. She gave me a big kiss, as if she felt like she was losing me – then she asked if she could see me tomorrow. I said that if I called her – yes, she could see me. I will not call.
I really like this girl, but something inside of me tells me that I should’nt continue because our feelings will get stronger – despite her respecting me and my wishes and us taking it day by day right now. She is so great that way.
But I don’t feel for her the way I felt with my ex – it was much stronger with the ex. I think I can find that feeling again – someone for whom I really, really want to be with all the time. She is a really nice girl though and we have chemistry.
I feel we’re even in the honeymoon stage – and it just hurt me so much to say that to her last night.

[clynn]

I think you've done a good thing.

You did need time on your own.

You may decide, after a while, that you want to start going out with her again (maybe? maybe not) after being single for a while. But then at least it can be with a clean slate and not just a rebound from the ex.

I think you are smart to say that you'll be the one that calls her.

[Journey]

Quote:

Originally Posted by clynn

I think you've done a good thing.

You did need time on your own.

You may decide, after a while, that you want to start going out with her again (maybe? maybe not) after being single for a while. But then at least it can be with a clean slate and not just a rebound from the ex.

I think you are smart to say that you'll be the one that calls her.

I understand Clynn, but I feel like I've really screwed up because now the ex knows that I'm still hung up about her and that I haven't moved on. And I've lost the friend too - she wanted nothing from me and I had to go and complicate things by saying all this feelings stuff: like I need time, that I have a closed heart, that I can't give anything more, but that I do want more bla bla bla..

One thing I haven't mentionned thats really weird. While we were talking,the ex called. Really weird. I didn't answer. It seems like more than a coincedence that she would call right then,after months of nothing. The friend knew that I wanted to talk with her that day and she thought it was about dumping her.

The ex didn't leave a message. I thought of calling the friend the next day maybe to ask if the ex was trying to reach her last night? Her phone had a weird message as if it had been disconnected! Never before have I got that message. So I called the ex. I left a message saying.. "Hi how are you - its been a long time. I was too busy last night to get your call, but feel free to call back. Anyways if you see (the friend) please let her know that she can call me if she wants to." That message was last night. Still the friend's phone is buggered up and I haven't heard from either one.

I think my message was a good thing. But the ex's call? What was that all about!

[BlueRaven]

Quote:

I wanna get back, to my citee by the raaaaaiiiiiiiaaaaaaann

Not to nitpick with your nearly perfect lyrics but I'm pretty sure it's "city by the baaaaayyyyy", not rain. By the bay because Journey began in San Fransisco and the bay area... I'm a pretty huge Journey fan myself if you didn't already gather that.

[Kieran]

Hahaha... I've seen the home video that Colin Farrel made with some black bird.. HAHAHA! You wouldn't be proud if you had seen it.. lmfao! the guy is a faggot.

"Oh wow.. I'm in a porno... oh wow.. wow.."

Fag lol

[clynn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Journey

I think my message was a good thing. But the ex's call? What was that all about!

It is true. The friend, who is now your most recent ex, was pretty low expectation. But --- ultimately you want more than that in a relationship. You want to be able to give and get more, it seems. Yet, it doesn't seem like you are ready for that quite yet. That's okay.

The ex's call?? Who knows? Probably the friend told her that she had a hunch that she was going to get dumped. Maybe the ex wanted to intervene. She probably hopes that you are over her and hopes that you don't have lingering feelings that are interfering with the possibiity of a new relationship.

[misombra]

journ i must say that i am a bit disappointed that you didn't listen to the many people who advised you that going out with her was a bad idea in the first place. i don't really know what to say now. only that i don't know where i'll be tomorrow.

[Tone]

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

journ i must say that i am a bit disappointed that you didn't listen to the many people who advised you that going out with her was a bad idea in the first place.

Oh hello. Did someone call me?

[clynn]

Did all you ever really do was get together and have sex?

You didn't go out on dates or do other things together?