she is always on my mind....advice

[bigbadbear]

hello everyone,

i little background info. for those that did not reply or don’t remember my last post back in november of 2005. i meet this young lady at work when she first started back in july of 2005 and we hung out in group settings with others at work. i thought the world of her and liked her more and more as the time went along. i got the nerve to ask her out in november but than i did something that many on this forum said i should have not done.... i gave her a diamond necklace before we went to dinner that night and that was the last time we went out. we talked after the date and she said she would let me know that coming monday. she never did and i did not bring it up but let it go and gave her time. well, she ended up leaving the job and we have not communicated since december of 2005. many said it was probably lust or infatuation but not true love. well since the day i saw her the first time and even as i type i think of her day and night everyday. if you need to know ages she is in her early twenties i am in in my late twenties. no other woman has had this effect on me at all...ever. i know that she was in a relationship in january but the guy is a jerk....yeah i know what your thinking ..bitterness... no it is just the truth. what i don't understand is that we always had fun and i was reading that she was into me. i said oh well i guess i would chalk this up to learning from experience but i never knew how much it would hurt losing something i never had to begin with. i just left the florist where i was about to order 22 dozen tulips for her birthday coming up but then i told the florist i would think about it and left without buying anything. now i am on here asking what too do. i always did things on my own and never asked for help and never asked for advice. i would love to her from some of you guys and will check back later in the day or this evening. thanks for reading.
the person that said it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all must have never been in love. She has accomplished a great deal in her life and is mature beyond her age. She has closed another chapter in her life by graduating college a semester early and all I wish is that somehow I can be in the next chapter of her life. Do I have to let this bird fly away? Is she the fish that I cannot catch?

later
bbb

[xwfuro]

well from what i can tell you really like her so if she means that much maybe try and make contact but dont over do it (22 dozen tulips) just simply try and talk to her maybe she feels your too straight forward.. other than that if she still avoids talking and stuff your gonna have to let it go for the best, just hangout with your mates and stuff a lot.

[Off2College]

hey dood, i was like in your exact situation.

I went out with this girl once last december.. i really liked her, so i treated her to the "date" although we both went into it thinking it was just as friends. That was the last "date" we ever went on. She's turned me down ever since.

I also had that "she's always on my mind" part. i know how you feel. I just keep thinking about her, day and night, and it just seems like everything in the world constantly reminded me of her. i think of her before going to sleep, and the first thing i wake up.

Nows its a bit better since i got better things to occupy my mind, at least for the moment... college admissions decisions... She no longer completely occupies my mind, although she often still pops up, especially when i see an attractive girl.

So my advice is to just sit it out if u can't fix it, you'll get over it eventually. oh, and open your eyes, there are other great girls out there too. And like your situation, nothing between us could ever last since i'm moving to a different country for university. See? same boat.

[DutchBoY]

I'm there right now as well. Been dating a friend, which was going somewhere only to blow up in my face. Admittedly, I made some mistakes (wasn't aggresive enough in hindsight, and it was doomed beforehand I guess as she wasn't as invested in it as I was). Well, last week she told me it would be best if we didn't see each other anymore in person, at least for a while, and I felt relieved and sort of better the first days. But now my life is like a living hell, and she's on my mind 24/7. Along with other crap that's happening in my life I feel like I'm sliding in a depression, so I've made some decisions that'll hopefully get my life back on track (moving out of here and get my own place, get more socially involved if time and money allows). But all that won't fix her being on my mind constantly. Only time can do that, so the only meaningfull advice to give is hang in there, and perhaps open your eyes to other opportunities (girls) out there. Rationally I know I'm being an ass for feeling so down over things not working out with this girl and that i should get out and live life and meet new people. I'm going to try and give it a shot. I think you should too.

[Off2College]

amen. amen. amen

[GradStudent187]

Bear

Well, let's see if I can add a bandage to the wound rather than some salt. First, a little quote to set the tone..."Wisdom is realizing that you really know nothing." Now, that said, it can be so easy to read into something, and be right about it, but then the other person gets scared. I wouldn't necessarily say that what you did or still do feel is lust or infatuation, but you have to ask yourself if maybe all you really wanted to know is if she was indeed the same cool person that you met in a group, outside of that setting. Perserverance is a great thing my friend, but soemtimes you have to cut your losses. Trying to work in between her and this other dude may not be such a good idea. Your girl sounds like a professional, educated woman, and probably would rather have you respect where she is, rather than trying to come between them. However, be ready to dash in to save the day at the first sign of real trouble. Play it cool, be a gentleman, no flowers, but maybe just a nice phone call wishing her Happy Birthday. Best of luck and hope this might have helped you a little.

K-