I need your advice, I feel my world is going down.

[wbean]

Well, I started to like this girl no long ago, but since the beginning of our friendship, even before I liked her, I noticed she didnt feel comfortable doing certain things alone with me, and yet we became close friends.

The problem is i think i tryed too damn hard, I havent feel this for a girl since years, even what i felt for my last girlfriend never was as strong as what I feel now, I think i really fell in love even when I tryed not to (because of this way she acts since I know her). I cant control my feelings and this may made me act strange, I asked her out three times, and only one suceed. The friendship went from bad to worst until I almost lost her completly but last day i send her an email telling I was worried for her and that I didnt want to be a burden, instead i wanted to do all i could to make her feel happy. She didnt reply but I started to recover her slowly while tryed to show that no matter what does she do I will be there, that for my help I'm not asking for anything in return.

Right now we still are friends, but i dont feel the friendship like before, maybe if I didnt rush and taked my time things could be different by now. Before all this happened she used to search for me using the IM, now she never speaks to me, i need to start the conversation and she doesnt seem willing to hold it for long and logoff very fast.

So as you can guess I'm all confused, my mood changes from angry to sad to happy several times a day and I know this is not right and that i shouldnt feel like this for anyone. I know that with what I already said she knows my feelings, and I know that if she hasnt reacted is because she is not interested. I know is stupid to keep thinking about all this but i just cant help it. I would like to forget her, to be free again and recover what made me feel happy in the past, lately all i do seems without sense, How can I forget her?, I know girls who likes me, but all seems so stupid, Im interested in no one but her... And I want this to stop, but I dont know how, everytime I decide to forget her i discover that i cant, that i still have hope showing her that my feelings are for true, that she can trust me, but this hope is killing me.

Have you ever feel like this?, Is there any easy way to get a grip?, how can I pull myself togheter?, I have many things to be proud of, but since i know her all lost meaning, without her i feel useless, meaningless.

[DuckyWucky]

Don't ever feel useless over a girl. Especially if she's not even your girlfriend and you're not dating. Even then I would say not to. Only if she's like your wife!

I think it sounds like you might of smothered her a little too much. You became too good of a friend to turn it into anything more. When you meet a girl and start talking to her or whatever, you need to make a quick decision if you want to date her, or only be her friend. This will determine the thing's you'll do, say, and how you'll act around her.

Most guys think that a girl's idea for a perfect guy is sweet, polite, nice, treats her like a princess, blah blah blah whatever. Well, that may be true, for a future husband! Not someone to date.

Girls want to date manly guys, not wussies. Someone who makes them laugh, but won't jump to the height they always tell them to. Not someone who'll, "always be there for whatever." This will make you just another friend. It gets boring for the girl real fast when a guy has the attitude such as, "I like it if you like it."

Anyways, in your situation I know it's hard, but forget this girl. Stop calling her or instant messaging her. See how often you talk based off of HER initiative to speak with you. I bet you'll see how much she really cares.

Keep in mind, don't cry for those who won't cry for you. I want you to think about that for me.

[blanche]

Start dating other people and stop hanging around her too much. Time will heal your wounds and you'll feel better after awhile, you'll see.

Talk to friends about it and have them keep an eye on you and steer you away from her whenever you get too close to her.

Just don't date those girls who like you. You'll just be dating them on false pretenses and they'll get hurt too. But find some nice strangers and ask them out. Go to parties. Go dancing. Have a good time and this thing will pass.

Blanche

[DuckyWucky]

Quote:

Talk to friends about it and have them keep an eye on you and steer you away from her whenever you get too close to her.

Talk to HER friends too.

[wbean]

I know all you said is true. I have been trying to be ok without her, trying to visit friends I hadnt seen since long, but is all so strange. I do realize I wont be for her what I would like to, but at the same I cant get her out of my mind and everytime I'm with her all my strength dissapers and I start dreaming that is still possible, and this dream take over and I try to be nice, to be intersting, to show my skills, and everytime I return to my home i feel so bad. I dont even know for sure if she its ok with my friendship, she doesnt let her feelings get noticed easly and I have seen how she is nice to persons she told me she dont like.

Also this semester is ending, this are the last days I'm going to share some time with her for she is going to return to her home city for vacations, I feel frustrated and nostalgic, i know the plan is to keep my distance from her... But i just cant help feeling bad, last night I have a nightmare i cant remember but that made me awake with stomachache.

I know I just need to pull myself togheter. I never though this would happen to me, I always kept my personal interstes top priority and I never let anyone make me feel bad before, in fact I never cared about what does other think about me. But now is all falling apart

Anyway, thanks for your advices, I dont really know what I'm going to do, I guess I will let time pass while feeling like this, some day it must stop, but sadly right now i cant go on with what i used to do, vacations will feel eternal and seems like i will spend them sleeping and hearing music, that is what i have been doing lately.

[DuckyWucky]

I've been in your situation before man, it's not good. You're taking a beating emotionally. You need to pull it together. See the light! I bet one of the things that's making you want her so much is because she's not easily giving herself to you.

You'd like to be with her so bad but for all you know she could care less on her part. This just makes you want her more. You're thinking, "What could I/would I be able to do or say that would make her want to be with me?

(These are probably things going through your head when you lie around and listen to music huh? We as humans always want what we can't have. The less chance we have of getting it, the more we'd want it. Think about it from your end, and hers.)

This is what's influencing your attitude when you're around her and you speak with her as well. You might think of things to say to create some attraction to you that you think she'd like.

It's tough man. You seem like a nice person and I really wish you could get the girl and be happy. I've wished that for myself plenty of times when I was in your shoes. Like I said though, distance yourself from her, and how often you speak to her. It'll actually start to help. The times you do talk to her, don't let the fact that you're crazy about her show through your conversations.

In other words, don't be too nice.

[wbean]

Something of what you said made my feel better, this whole day I felt ok, but last monday I accorded with this girl and another friend to go out today, I tryed to cancel with her friend but couldnt find a good excuse so we went to the mall and all was ok, I was like "I dont longer care" and was nice to her but nothing more, no special attention.

But when we were having dinner I started saying some stupid shit, i dont know why did i say it, it was something personal, the kind of thing that you dont trow in a relaxed conversation... And as you may guess I felt bad again when returning to my home. Also i was supoused to go to the movies with some other friends but couldnt arrive on time because i was with this girls. That helped to make me feel worst.

I must hate myself... because when they where leaving i yelled "what about monday exam?", and we accorded to study together next sunday... Its like if I wanted to suffer. I cant even recongnize myself when im with her, the things i say, the way i act, its like if it was somebody else.

Anyway, enough of this, i wont go there next sunday and any excuse will be good enough because i wont longer care. And thanks for your support, your advices were very insightful, right now I will take a break and try to relax and maybe once relaxed i can really examinate what is this that she has that makes me feel this way, maybe im in love with the idea, not the girl... i really wish so

[DuckyWucky]

Good job man. You'll get by. I know you will. When this girl talks to you, talk back. If she asks you something, answer. Treat her like she's any other person. Girls love attention, and when you stop giving one so much of it, sometimes they even strive to get it back. Keep your head up.