Please give me some peace of mind - Love Forum

seingold · #1 (**permalink**) 28-03-06, 12:26 AM

Ok I'm with this great girl who I really love (it's been 1.5 years now) and maybe I am overreacting but i'm not sure:

-I know this guy likes her, and she hangs out with him and his friends on occasion. I have met him, and when I was introduced to one of his friends this weekend, the friend was shocked she had a boyfriend.
-She studied abroad in New Zealand and was miserable. She only made one friend, who was a guy, and she told me he liked her but she would never do anything with him. She came back and on her bday received 22 roses from him. She explained this by saying he likes her but she doesn't lead him on, and he knows she has a boyfriend.
-Today I saw the New Zealand guy had instant messaged her. He said "Hi hon, too bad you're not awake yet." He also called her "sweetie" in the im and signed it "xoxo" with a kiss face. She explains this by saying again that he likes her and talks like that to a lot of girls, but that she can't help it and doesn't do anything in return. She gets very upset everytime I bring up an issue that makes it seems like I don't trust her.

I am trying to have trust here but these signs worry me. Should I be worried? Thanks.

Gigabitch · #2 (**permalink**) 28-03-06, 04:42 AM

Even if you shouldn't be, you sound worried.

Have you been a mistrustful person in the past, or is this something new? If you're not generally insecure, maybe you're right to be suspicious.

Tone · #3 (**permalink**) 28-03-06, 04:51 AM

When you have an attractive girlfriend you're going to have to deal with other guys trying to steal them away from you. It's the worse thing in the world and I know from experience how pissed off / insecure it can make you..

But she's YOUR girl.. you gotta just trust her when she says there's nothin to worry about, then there's nothin to worry about.

carpflounder · #4 (**permalink**) 28-03-06, 06:51 AM

Hey seingold, have you ever had a bad feeling about doing something like a little voicce that told you someting "was just wrong" ? Well I think you are having those kinds of feeling now.

Bro, about him calling her "hon" and the "xoxxs" that is not what strikes me as being off. I call lots of girls by "hon" just to be a flirt thats all. But the 22 roses...dude that doesn't pass the smell test. It smells to me like she is bullshitting you.

Try to pin her down on something.
Good Luck... and remember trust your instincts.

daisy · #5 (**permalink**) 28-03-06, 03:54 PM

If you love her you need to trust her!!!

seingold · #6 (**permalink**) 28-03-06, 08:53 PM

Sounds like a mixed opinion on here. She had said that when she was so upset in New Zealand for those 4 months, a yellow rose garden outside her window would always cheer her up. And she said even though it was way overboard and inappropriate, that is why he sent her roses. This is my first real girlfriend (I'm 23, she is 20), and she is very pretty. I have never had a reason not to trust her, but my instinct still perks up sometimes. And this kid in New Zealand bothers me. She was so miserable over there and this was her one friend, and he obviously likes her. They still talk on instant messenger. I don't want to make a big deal of it and be wrong, since then the trust aspect of our relationship will be severed. But I don't want to be worried about it forever either. Any advice?

*Tweedy* · #7 (**permalink**) 28-03-06, 10:27 PM

I think your girlfriend needs to put the guy straight, he may know about you...but really does'nt respect the fact your with her!!! or he would'nt be sending her roses....etc etc

If they are gonna be friends he needs to act like a friend and not be flirty.

If your girlfriend does'nt put him right, he's gonna come between you both!!!

seingold · #8 (**permalink**) 28-03-06, 11:25 PM

Do you think he could really come between us? He's from and studies in New Zealand. My gf is never going to see this kid again, ever. I just want to make sure nothing happened while she was there, but I know that asking her will make her very angry because it will show I don't trust her. And I have asked her in the past and she said nothing happened and was upset I even asked.

Gigabitch · #9 (**permalink**) 28-03-06, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seingold

Do you think he could really come between us? He's from and studies in New Zealand. My gf is never going to see this kid again, ever. I just want to make sure nothing happened while she was there, but I know that asking her will make her very angry because it will show I don't trust her. And I have asked her in the past and she said nothing happened and was upset I even asked.

That's emotional blackmail. You have every right to question this weird, weird shit.

carpflounder · #10 (**permalink**) 29-03-06, 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seingold

but I know that asking her will make her very angry because it will show I don't trust her. And I have asked her in the past and she said nothing happened and was upset I even asked.

Seingold, that is just it bro. If you too are in love then you can ask her anything! If you are having these kinds of serious doubts (doubts as to whether she has been faithful) then I would think that if she loved and respected you she would want you to bring up these concerns. Because she would want to clear the air and assure you, her love, her boyfriend that she would never do anything like this to you. But she gets angry?? WHOA, big red flag.

Trust your instincts.

*Tweedy* · #11 (**permalink**) 29-03-06, 01:57 AM

Sounds to me like he's already coming between u!!

This guy probably ain't gonna come between you physically, if he's in New Zealand.....but mentally he'll rip u apart!!

Somethings not right here, you need to get to the bottom of it!! i personally dont think it's all so innocent.

Quote:

Originally Posted by carpflounder

Trust your instincts.

True statement!!!

anony · #12 (**permalink**) 29-03-06, 02:15 AM

umm i kno i should interfear with stuff like this cause ppl consider me 'too young' too but
she or lies to u, or is honest and is upset that u dont trust her

if u saw him calling her 'hun' by instant message u should have seen what she replied, if u she didnt 'go into this' then the chance that she's being honest nd doesnt wants to hurt the other guys feelings by telling he shouldnt call her like that anymore is big (even though i think u should ask her to do that)

if u didnt saw what she wrote then i agree with carpflounder, trust ur instincts

seingold · #13 (**permalink**) 29-03-06, 02:23 AM

He left messages on msn explorer. She never replied. I think i'm going to say something today, i'm debating whether I should do it in person (she's at college 30 minutes from me) or on the phone. This situation is very delicate, I don't want to hurt the good thing I have going, but it's driving me crazy. I think I just need her to look me in the eyes and tell me she did nothing in New Zealand. I know how insecure that must sound, and maybe I am insecure, but how can you hold back when it's making you crazy, at least these last two days.

anony · #14 (**permalink**) 29-03-06, 02:32 AM

its not 'insecure'
my eyes always betray me, nd her might do as well (IF she has anything with that guy)
so i think u should definetely do it in person

Gigabitch · #15 (**permalink**) 29-03-06, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seingold

He left messages on msn explorer. She never replied.

That you know of.

Quote:

Originally Posted by seingold

I think I just need her to look me in the eyes and tell me she did nothing in New Zealand.

Yeah, and then ask her WTF about the continuing efforts of NZ boy to romance her and her apparent receptivity. I think that's the real issue. If she's into being with you, his behavior should be making her really uncomfortable. She should be worried he's about to go Bunny Boiler on her, not be defending him.