How to properly handle/advance this situation? - Love Forum

RogerWilco · #1 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 09:31 AM

So there's this really cute girl that I've developed a thing for. We're both seniors, and both in a few of the same classes and are actually lab partners (we knew each other slightly before this class, but not very well).

Anyway, like I said, I think she's really cute, and she's really nice. It's great spending time with her, even if it's mostly just in the chem lab or when we've decide to meet outside of lab/class to study in the library once or twice.

I'm a fairly decent looking guy, but I always seem to screw things up when it comes to women and relationships. I feel that this girl and I are both in the same "league." I don't believe she's currently dating anyone.

What I'm wondering is what the best way to approach this is . . . I'd really like to see if there's a possibility of something developing between the two of us, but like I said, I'm not always very good with creating relationships, particularly when attempting to begin something.

Any advice/input would be great . . . I know I probably haven't provided a ton of information here so if there are any other details you need that would help, I'd be happy to provide them to you.

I'm not usually a real "timid" person, and don't really have a problem with utilizing a "take charge" or "proactive" approach, but in this situation I'm just not sure what the best thing to do would be, and I'd really rather not screw this up.

Pears · #2 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 11:19 AM

It is good that you are meeting her outside of class to study a few times. That is a small advance in itself. You can try asking her to go to lunch after or before class and see how she takes it. Try becoming friends with her first by spending more time with her and talking to her more. When you're talking to her, find out more about her interests and hobbies. Maybe you can find a hobby that she and you share. If she likes going to movies for example, and you do too, then you can invite her to a theater next. Just be yourself and be genuine.

lovesjoyajm · #3 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 12:50 PM

Just have to tell you, I know how you're feeling (from a girl's point of view) - I have a thing for MY cute lab partner, and we've gotten together to study a few times as welll, and I don't know what to do about it.
I'd say you have nothing to lose by asking her to do something specific like go to a movie, as Pears said. it doesn't have to be "do you want to go out with me?" but I've found that when you get together in a non-academic setting, you figure out quicker whether there's any chemistry (haha, no pun intended) because you don't have "ok, let's do some more science problems" to fall back on.

Ellynn · #4 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 01:38 PM

Yeah I say go for it... I mean at least ask her to hang out and get to know her more outside of class... Then you can find out if shes interested in someone or even dating anyone... Then you can go from there..

Hugo Pickle · #5 (**permalink**) 03-02-06, 05:52 PM

Quote:

I'm not usually a real "timid" person, and don't really have a problem with utilizing a "take charge" or "proactive" approach, but in this situation I'm just not sure what the best thing to do would be, and I'd really rather not screw this up.

Don’t bullshit me or yourself man, if you don’t have a problem taking charge then you wouldn’t be posting about what to do. You know exactly what to do and that is to take charge and be proactive. Now get of the pot and get to work.

RogerWilco · #6 (**permalink**) 15-02-06, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hugo Pickle

Don’t bullshit me or yourself man, if you don’t have a problem taking charge then you wouldn’t be posting about what to do. You know exactly what to do and that is to take charge and be proactive. Now get of the pot and get to work.

Word. What I meant to say was that in most other situations in life, I have no problem taking charge . . . but when it comes to relationships/women, I'm more timid with respect to that. Definitely appreciate the feedback though.

Ok so here's an update on my deal. The last two weeks I've met with her to review class material with her since she missed a couple classes and got behind. I notice that occasionally when we're together reviewing or whatever, she'll sit pretty close to me, like I guess somewhat closer than you'd sit with someone who you only sort of knew (if that makes any sense). The other day when we were reviewing some stuff outside of class, she asked for my phone number 'in case she had to call me to let me know she would be missing another class and wanted to meet up to go over what she missed' (in the past she had emailed me after missing the class, or just talking about it to me the next time we were in class together). Overall she's very friendly towards me, and for the most part it seems like she may really be into me . . . but then I just happen to check out her Facebook account and she's got some pictures dated December '05 of her and some dude together with captions like "Me and my Dan" and whatnot in a definite boyfriend-girlfriend situation it seems . . . so is she just playing me to help her in class? I know she needs to get a good grade in this particular class to get into grad school . . . .

clynn · #7 (**permalink**) 15-02-06, 01:11 PM

Well, you should find out if she has a boyfriend!

If she does have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean she is playing you....just means she has a boyfriend and likes you as a friend.

Only-virgins · #8 (**permalink**) 15-02-06, 01:47 PM

Well, just asking her worked for me

.

RogerWilco · #9 (**permalink**) 17-02-06, 06:50 AM

Shit. She's got a boyfriend. Story of my life.

alice · #10 (**permalink**) 17-02-06, 06:55 AM

damn! but so much the better for you to have found out now.

RogerWilco · #11 (**permalink**) 17-02-06, 07:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alice

damn! but so much the better for you to have found out now.

True . . . .
Man, I don't get it. She seems to act so much more than just as a "friend", at least compared to all my other female friends.

Her boyfriend is in the armed services, so my guess is I'm just someone she's using as a placeholder more or less (but without the benefits of an actual relationship).

Pears · #12 (**permalink**) 17-02-06, 09:29 AM

She is probably feeling a bit lonely since her boyfriend is away. She is not doing anything wrong though, just being friendly towards you.

It's good that you found out sooner than later.

RogerWilco · #13 (**permalink**) 17-02-06, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pears

She is probably feeling a bit lonely since her boyfriend is away. She is not doing anything wrong though, just being friendly towards you.

It's good that you found out sooner than later.

Agreed. I guess it sound a bit harsh for me to judge her and say that she's "using" me when in all likelihood she's just being normally friendly (or perhaps coming off as slightly more than that without realizing it) as a result of the whole boyfriend-not-being-around-right-now thing.

funkybuddha · #14 (**permalink**) 17-02-06, 10:57 AM

Some girls are just naturally really friendly and the signs can be mistaken. Meh..it was worth a try though.

Tone · #15 (**permalink**) 17-02-06, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RogerWilco

Shit. She's got a boyfriend. Story of my life.

You and me both, brother.