He lies about her.

[caramelkiwi]

Basically I've been with my guy for over a year. We're pretty serious so I don't want to break up with him. I just want advice. This is what happened:

Jay was friends with a girl that he used to like, and he even dumped his ex-girlfriend to be with her (but then she changed her mind). This was ages ago though. I told him that I didn't want him to be friends with her anymore, since I'd stopped being friends with my exes for him. He agreed. That was about 6 months ago. Then on Saturday night, I was working until 10. I told him to come by my work (I work at a club) with his friends and we could hang out. He told me that he was sick of clubbing so he was gonna stay home. He even messaged me at 3am telling me he just woke up, and he'd been asleep all night.

Then I noticed in his phone that he had alot of calls from someone named "Chris". I know all his friends, and I didn't know Chris, so I was suspicious. I rang him up... and a girl answered. I asked her who she was and she said she was Crystal. (the girl that he used to like) So I asked her who she was and how she knew Jay. She told me that she was just a friend, and she has her own boyfriend. So I asked her if she knew what he did on Sat night and she told me that he went with her to a club with some other friends. So I rung him up and said "Where were you REALLY on Saturday night??" And he said I was at home doing nothing. And I told him what happened... and he claims that he didn't tell me about it because he knew I'd get upset.

Why the hell did he lie about it then? I would have been a bit mad, but I would have gotten over it. Why didn't he invite me along? I would have went by after work... especially if I knew she was there! I just don't see why he's hiding me from her. I mean, if she's such a good friend... wouldn't he introduce her to me? Why did he chose to go to the club with her, but not me? He won't even talk to me about it. He's just trying to pretend it didn't happen. What can I do to stop him lying to me? It seems that everytime I ask him questions about it... I don't trust him to tell me the right answer. And it's annoying because I always trusted him before.

[bluestrattos]

If there's no Trust, there's no relationship....
Love and Trust are the main links of that chain called relationship.

but that's just me.... maybe i'm old fashioned....

Quote:

Originally Posted by caramelkiwi

And it's annoying because I always trusted him before.

Are you so sure? If you two made each other stop being friends with your ex-girlfriend's and ex-boyfriends, do you think you two trusted each other as much as you say you did?

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluestrattos

If there's no Trust, there's no relationship....
Love and Trust are the main links of that chain called relationship.

but that's just me.... maybe i'm old fashioned....

Absolutely. I believe in this 100%, and I'm in the new generation

[caramelkiwi]

Well then, don't you agree that there's no need to be friends with ex-partners? I mean, obviously if you have kids together or something... you have to talk to each other. But they weren't best friends. I've been with him for over a year and I haven't even met her! So they aren't good friends... so I don't understand why its so hard for him to stop being friends with her. And if it was important to him... he wouldn't have agreed to stop seeing her, and he wouldn't have hidden her and lied about her... he would have introduced her. You know what I mean? I've met all his other friends (Guys and Girls!), why not her?

[RogerWilco]

Quote:

Originally Posted by caramelkiwi

Well then, don't you agree that there's no need to be friends with ex-partners? I mean, obviously if you have kids together or something... you have to talk to each other. But they weren't best friends. I've been with him for over a year and I haven't even met her! So they aren't good friends... so I don't understand why its so hard for him to stop being friends with her. And if it was important to him... he wouldn't have agreed to stop seeing her, and he wouldn't have hidden her and lied about her... he would have introduced her. You know what I mean? I've met all his other friends (Guys and Girls!), why not her?

In general, it would depend on the nature of one's significant other and his/her ex's relationship as a whole (meaning nature of any friendship before they "dated"). If it was a deal where I was friends with a girl for a while, then had a "relationship" with and eventually broke it off, if she and I still remained friends, I'd be pretty put off if a future girlfriend of mine requested that I don't talk to her anymore.

Now, if there was no real initial friendship before two people before they dated, and there was no overt reason for them to remain friends after the breakup, that's a little more understandable, although some people are good at remaining decent friends (but nothing more) with exes (but not me, I have a horrible track record of staying friends with mine).

All that crap being said, your situation in particular does seem a bit suspect, considering he lied to you about hanging out with another girl who happens to be his ex.

[xwfuro]

this kids sketchy as **** leave him otherwise he will find it easier and easier to lie to you...

I have remained friends with every single one of my ex-girlfriends, except for two of them. One of those two still chats with me frequently online and the other I still see daily as we bring out our inside jokes.

To me, being friends with an ex is a good thing.

Also, before this gets brought up by some dumbass who thinks he's cute, I've had more girlfriends than 2.

[bluesummer]

My bf did the same shit and he was cheating on me. Save yourself the grief my dear......liars make terrible partners.

[bluesummer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LTsK8eR2gO

.

Also, before this gets brought up by some dumbass who thinks he's cute, I've had more girlfriends than 2.

Where's that clapping hand smiley when you need it?

[RogerWilco]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LTsK8eR2gO

Peter: Why did the dinosaurs die out?
Professor: Because you touch yourself at night.

Damn, I wish I had that smiley...

Still my all-time favorite quote from Family Guy. And that's saying a lot.

[Rosebud]

Quote:

Originally Posted by caramelkiwi

Well then, don't you agree that there's no need to be friends with ex-partners? I mean, obviously if you have kids together or something... you have to talk to each other. But they weren't best friends. I've been with him for over a year and I haven't even met her! So they aren't good friends... so I don't understand why its so hard for him to stop being friends with her. And if it was important to him... he wouldn't have agreed to stop seeing her, and he wouldn't have hidden her and lied about her... he would have introduced her. You know what I mean? I've met all his other friends (Guys and Girls!), why not her?

First off...if you trusted him before all this, why were you looking through his phone and calling up someone who YOU didn't know? You have just proven to him you don't trust him and gave him all the more reason to lie to you.. Not saying anyone wants to be lied to her or deserves it for that matter. But the fact that you looked in his phone and acted the wya you did just put in his mind that his actions were justified...

Now, you already said you don't want to break up with this guy...so there isn't much information your going to get form us on here. If you want to stay with someone who will keep lying to you about another girl...becasue he will, then you've already made your choice...

what advice are you looking for?

[Rosebud]

Aren't we supposed to stay on topic in threads Cybog?

[RogerWilco]

Aaaaaaaaanyway, I'd say there seem to be serious trust issues on both sides of the fence here, and that rarely bodes well.