Will This Go Anywhere? (Very Long)

[Ricky]

Ok, this might take a while to explain, but here I go. This is really long so I hope somebody has the patience and time...

Ok, where to start? Well, lets see. I go to this college and last semester I met this girl that I decided I really liked (funny thing is my roommate told me I should go find someone and then all of a sudden I meet her... oh yah, then my roommate transferred to another school and moved out... whole other story...).

Anyway this girl lives down the hall from me and I sort of become friends with her (well hell, I'm friends with nearly everybody on the hall, but anyway...). Then one day everybody on the hall goes to see a movie and I go too... I happen to sit next to her. Now, it's a scary movie, so throughout the course of the film she ends up grabbing my arm and hiding her face in my shoulder and stuff, and of course I love it! Now, at first I thought this meant she really was interested in me (although I would later learn she happens to be a very flirtatious person). Anyway, I find out later she has a boyfriend, so I'm wondering what to do, and then one days she breaks up with him. Great! So I start hanging out with her a lot and it seems like we really are getting along.

One night she really made me believe we were going to get together. Late on Friday night I come back onto the hall from a mandatory meeting I was at, and I bump into her, always glad to see her. She was commenting that she was hungry but she didn't feel like going out to get something, so I generously open up my footlocker and give her a can of soup (I always do stuff like that). Instead of verbally thanking me, she stands there and just gives me a nice hug, and I pat her back and say "you're welcome." Now that's not the first time we've hugged, she's given me "buddy hugs" before, but this to me felt different.

That was on my mind the whole night and the whole weekend when I was away. I thought for sure something's going to happen. However, a week or so later as I'm walking to the dorms with her and one of her friends, she reveals to us that there's someone in one of her classes she's thinking of dating, and I'm thinking, "oh crap, I guess she doesn't like me that way." Later on she tells me she's going out with him and she seems pretty excited. After hearing this I go into the bathroom and threw a big temper-tantrum (it was good to have a little release). I was really mad at myself that I didn't tell her how I thought before this guy got her. Although later on I find out that it was her that asked him out, which tells me that if she were interested in me, she would of asked me.

Well, nothing changes between us. In fact, they even take me to the movies with them at one point (we were gonna get some other friends to go, but nobody else was hanging around). It felt wierd walking around as she held his hand and put her arm around mine, as well. She had commented that she doesn't trust all guys that much, so she'd prefer not to go on dates alone. Later on that night driving home she discloses some sensitive information about herself to both me and him (she has somewhat of a dark past), which tells me that she apparently trusts both of us.

Oh, by the way, I don't hang out with her boyfriend much (in fact, I wouldn't of known him if she didn't go out with him) but when he is around, we seem to get along ok. Just wanted to let you know that there is no big rivalry between us or anything.

Now, lately she has been having some small arguments with her boyfriend. She wants to go to a Spring Break trip with some friends, and going is a friend (who happens to be male - not me -) who this boyfriend does not like. When she asked him if he trusts her there, he told her that "I think I do now" or something to that effect. Basically, she's mad that he apparently didn't fully trust her. Now both she and him are in my room later going over this (she hangs out at my room a lot, and somebody had set off an Axe cologne bomb on her end of the hall, so she said she wanted to stay in my room so the stench didn't bother her). She seems pretty upset, and even though I want her for myself, I try and help this guy out a little bit, just to show that I'm an ok guy and not trying to steel her or anything. He wants to talk this over with her alone, but she said I didn't have to leave because it's my room. I decide to give them a little privacy so I go out into the hall and hang out there with my other friends and doing a little classwork. I come back later and they're still discussing the issue. At one point she mentions that there is some stuff about her past that she hasn't told him yet, and that's part of why she's upset (however, she hald already told me about it. In fact, she let him know that I know a little bit more about her than he does, which tells me that she might trust me more than him).

So I remain in my room for the duration of the talk, doing my work and trying to respectively tune out their conversation, although I hear bits. Occasionally I look at her and can't help but let a smile break through, and this causes her to smile, and she comments that her boyfriend is probably glad to be seeing her smile, since she's been a little down in the dumps lately. Also, during the course of their conversation, she tells me she loves me - while her boyfriend is in the room! Now I guess it was just an "I love you as a good friend" sort of thing, at least that's how it would seem, I mean with her boyfriend right there and everything. I respond in kind, but in a stupid, cutesey baby voice that I wish I wouldn't of used. I wanted to answer back straight and sincere (and I do love her) but I just couldn't keep from responding in a goofy voice, probably because I was uncomforatable saying it with her boyfriend right there.

Anyway, I go to the bathroom and when I come back, they've finished their conversation and her boyfriend leaves. She goes back to my room and plays a little online solitaire on my computer (she uses my computer a lot). She's sad, there are other things bothering her as well. I ask her how it went, and she said (without looking away from the screen) that "I think it's gonna work out." I think, "damn, I wish he's stop seeing her so I can go out with her!" We talk a bit and then she gets up, saying she's going to bed. She's been sad lately because of the things that have been going on in her life, and she said she wants to cry but won't let herself. I try to encourage her to cry at some point - I let her know that she needs to let this stuff out. Before she goes to bed I tell her that if she ever needs anybody to talk to, I'll be there. Not much response in paticular to that statement, except that she wants to cry, and she goes to bed.

Not much yet has happened since that big night, which was this past Thursday. The last time I saw her she was leaving to class and she caught me doing some goofy stuff and laughed. Then I left for the weekend. I'm back now, and I'll probably see her again tonight when she comes in, and I'm interested in how things are going with her and her boyfriend.

For those who read this whole damn thing, thank you. I'm sorry I made it so long. There might be irrelivent information in here, but I felt I had to give as much as possible. If anybody has any advice, please give it. If not, at least it was nice to get this out a bit. (Now wouldn't it be funny if she just happens to read this?!)

[redrebel8504]

A couple of years ago I had your same problem. This girl and I were really good friends. She told me stuff that she never told anyone else, and I told her everything about me. There was nothing to our relationship other than friendship at that time. After about a year of being friends with her like this, I started to get feelings for her. She alwasy would tell me about the guys she liked and how she wanted me to talk to them for her and get them to ask her out. I never did since i was the one that wanted her. I didnt know what to do. I didnt want to tell her about my feelings for her and ruin our friendship. One day though, she found out about how I had a "crush" on her and one of my friends talked to her about me. She agreed to go and a date with me and soon after I asked her out and we started dating. Now heres the part you are probably not going to want to hear. We started dating and nothing was the same. It was still like we were friends. Everything just seemed ackward between us from then on. We stayed together for maybe 2 months and then she broke up with me. I dont exactly remember how it happened but we ended up getting in a big fight about the breakup and didnt talk to each other for about 5 months. I found someone else during this time, that if you go to the dumping thread section you can hear about. After I found this new girl me and this girl were never really good friends again and still arent. That was 2 years ago. I regret ever dating her. Thats just my story about your situation. Maybe it wont happen to you. I'm just saying be carefull, losing a good friendship was not worth the time we spent "dating". Good luck man.

[vangirl]

I am a girl and I know what type of girl you are dealing with here. She is using you to make her boyfriend jealous. She is using her boyfriend to make you jealous. She is very needy and wants all the attention she can get. Her relationship won't last and it won't last if you go out with her. Sooner or later her boyfriend is going to clue in that she is a Drama Queen and he will get tired of it, so will you. I hate to say this but I know how the female mind works and unless you really want to get used and hurt by this girl I strongly suggest that you back off. Just think of her as a six year old girl in a womans body, she is emotionally immature and very VERY needy. Sorry, but this is a guarantee lose-lose situation.

I would really hate for you to get hurt (more hurt that is) because I can tell that you are a very decent guy. She can tell that also and she is taking advantage of your kindness.

Please try and trust that I know what I am talking about here, I have seen it way to many times. Do not to let your instinct to rescue her take over your good judgement. On the other hand you can stick around and deal with her drama for a while and you will learn a very valuble lesson. I just hope you don't waste to much of your life on her.

Please go out and meet a nice, emotionally mature young lady that will truly appreciate you and be happy.

[Ricky]

I appreciate the responses so far. As of right now things seem to be ok between her and her boyfriend - she loves him, said so herself. She's been in a better mood recently, too (she doesn't always act like that, and I definately would not call her a drama queen she doesn't make big scenes or anything). I don't really think she's the type of girl who would use people, either. Still, I appreciate the feedback.

Anyway, I think I'm beginning to get things into perspective a little. I was obsessing over her for quite a while (still am somewhat) and it was distracting me from important work and it made me feel kind of overwhelmed and depressed, but now I feel slightly better. It seems like she's gonna be with her boyfriend for a while and I'm going to have to accept that (although if they split, I'm gonna go for it!). I think I realize now that yes, she likes me a lot, but just as a friend. I can't change my feelings about her, but I'll just have to accept that the feeling is not mutual. There's always hope, though...

I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed. I know I'll still be thinking about her as I fall asleep.

[vangirl]

Good Luck!

[Nice Lover Boy]

Ohh Ricky, Ricky, Ricky(shaking my head, left and right)
Welcome to my world. Yeh, it sucks to not being able to have a girl you really like to be next by your side. I know buddy, I know.
Dude, I feel you so much man. Hey, there is hope, there will always be hope. Just don't let the bad days bring you down.
Do this, be humorous(not goofy), and try to make her laugh. Laughter is the key to opening the doors to a women's heart.
When ever she is down or something, say, "Hey, it's ok. Come on, cheer up. I'll take you to McDonalds and buy you a happy meal and maybe it will come with a new boyfriend inside", some shit like that.
But don't let go, dude.

[Ricky]

Quote:

Good Luck!

Thanks! I appreciate it!

As for not giving up hope, I never will. I'm not going to expect much, but I'm always hoping that she might hook up with me. I do make her laugh now and then when I'm acting goofy. Lately I've been trying to listen to her a lot and offer solutions to problems, but when I smile, she does too.

Thanks for the continual support!

[IceQueen]

Haha, I love it how you assume that she knows nothing of your feelings. Of course she does, and she's leading you on as hard as she can!

The girl seems like a real pain in the ass. She doesn't trust him enough to go on dates alone, and yet she's mad he didn't fully trust her? She had a bad past, after all, he has all reasons not to trust her!

Anyhow, looks like she is a common player, stringing guys along and gathering them around herself to raise her self-esteem. You sure you need that treasure in your life? I'm not even sure I'd let her be my friend, much less a significant other.

Imagine even *if* you date someday, there'll be a bunch of doe-eyed hopeful guys that *she* has given hope to, following you around on dates!

[hellspare]

I know it sounds alot easier than done, but really just let her know EXACTLY how you feel. It's not like you've only known her for a day, but for YEARS! She must know what kind of a person you are and if you tell her she'll surely understand.

[Ricky]

Quote:

Haha, I love it how you assume that she knows nothing of your feelings. Of course she does, and she's leading you on as hard as she can!

The girl seems like a real pain in the ass. She doesn't trust him enough to go on dates alone, and yet she's mad he didn't fully trust her? She had a bad past, after all, he has all reasons not to trust her!

Anyhow, looks like she is a common player, stringing guys along and gathering them around herself to raise her self-esteem. You sure you need that treasure in your life? I'm not even sure I'd let her be my friend, much less a significant other.

Imagine even *if* you date someday, there'll be a bunch of doe-eyed hopeful guys that *she* has given hope to, following you around on dates!

Well, it wasn't him in particular she didn't trust, she just mentioned that she didn't like to be on dates alone. I think it stems from an incident where something between her and another guy went a little too far when they were alone (in other words, they ended up in bed together). Is it hypocrytical to not trust to be alone with someone but turn around and be upset about that someone not trusting you with someone else?

I don't think she's nearly as bad as you think. I'm not sure if she knows that I'm crazy about her or not. I don't think she is purposefully trying to attract me. Another guy on the hall was falling for her and he went further then I did; he played footsie with her and tried to kiss her. She eventually told him "no." A past boyfriend is also wanting to get back with her, he's calling her house a lot and stuff, and she told me she does not want to get back together with him. A friend of a friend also met her and asked her to dump her boyfriend for him (of course she did not comply). I think she just is a kind of person who unconciously attracts people.

Quote:

I know it sounds alot easier than done, but really just let her know EXACTLY how you feel. It's not like you've only known her for a day, but for YEARS! She must know what kind of a person you are and if you tell her she'll surely understand.

Actually, I've only known her for about five months. But still, I'd very much like to tell her my feelings, and am considering doing so. If she breaks up with her current boyfriend, I most definately will tell her. If she doesn't, I'll still tell her, but only at the right time. It has to be in private, and unfortunately, there are not many private places here for us to talk. The moment will present itself, I suppose. Anyway, it will be good to get it off my chest and get a definite answer from her on whether the feeling is mutual or not. I'm pretty sure she won't freak out or anything. The guy I mentioned above who was interested in her but got rejected, well she simply told him "no," but she didn't become hostile to him or anything. On the contrary, she remained friendly. So I figure she'll understand and if she's not interested she'll say "no" and we'll move on with it.

[IceQueen]

Quote:

unconsciously attracts people

Seems pretty conscious to me.