Cheated with Best Friend - what to do now?

[TAVS]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

No, I mean that you're the boss of her. What do you mean, you're with her 24/7 and you saw her cell phone records? You've been in her constant company for five years?

I just think that's kind of weird, and it doesn't sound like she's at all independent. It sounds like she's passive-agressive.

Sounds like she needs therapy.

[empleh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

No, I mean that you're the boss of her. What do you mean, you're with her 24/7 and you saw her cell phone records? You've been in her constant company for five years?

I just think that's kind of weird, and it doesn't sound like she's at all independent. It sounds like she's passive-agressive.

she definitely claims to be "the boss". She likes to think what she says goes. Ive always thought it was a 50/50 relationship though.

But it is true no matter what I asked of her, she would most always follow my request. She has made a point to please me. Even since the breakup she told me "if there is anything at all you need let me know" (ie household items, food, my back scratched, whatever). Crazy i know.

Yes I have access to her cell phone bill (it comes to my address). I have access to her email as well.

Constant company? Pretty close, unless she goes to the store or something. We dont go to bars. If we go out, its together. She doesnt work. I work at home during the week and on weekends I work offsite, which she usually goes with me (except for those recent occasions).

[Gigabitch]

Do you have any other friends? People who know both of you, and haven't slept with either one of you?

[empleh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Do you have any other friends? People who know both of you, and haven't slept with either one of you?

yes, I have a few male friends that know both of us. Thats about it.
She talks to her sisters, and father.

Not a very large social circle, unfortunately.

Both of us used to have friends of the opposite sex, but not since we started dating.

[Gigabitch]

What do your other guy friends think? What does her family think?

And what do you think about having created such a small world for yourselves, now that it's threatened?

[empleh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

What do your other guy friends think? What does her family think?

And what do you think about having created such a small world for yourselves, now that it's threatened?

some good questions, and I appreciate you asking things that would help me to think this out.

I have only told one male friend of mine. He commented, "I am not the only one this has happened to in the world, it happens every day to good people", and "in time the answers will come on what to do".

She told her sister and father.
Her sister wondered "Why did you even tell him (me)?"
Her father was dissapointed in her for bad judgement of what she did.

Believe it or not, the wife of the best friend involved told me that i should forgive her (my gf). But then she doesnt know if their marriage will continue, due to many factors, some related, some not.

as for the "small world". I felt it would be difficult if it was compromised. But still though how small it was, I was generally happy. Some people want a large social circle, while others chose a small group of close friends. I have been more the later.

[Gigabitch]

Well, I feel bad for you. I wonder how you'll feel about this next month, or next year. It's not so easy to deal with Big Problems once you're out of your 20's. All of the solutions seem to have a huge price.

Time to leave work- I'm logging off.

I hope you have a good weekend.

[vashti]

I don't suggest you tell any of your relatives or friends about this unless you are prepared to get rid of her for good. They will never be able to look at her the same way again, and they may not be as forgiving as it sounds like you want to be.

[empleh]

vashti, i know what you mean. I have told a few friends that were female and didnt know her. If I told my family it would be embarrassing to even speak with her again.

I did talk to her on the phone tonight about going to professional counceling. She agreed to it.

I am still a mess...
no sleep again tonight.

"empleh" is a plea spelled backwards.

[pinkpuca84]

empleh: spelled backward=helpme? hmm...good one

anyway...it's a really good decision that u guys go to relationship counseling. i hope it will turn out for the best for both of you. wish u the best of luck keep on praying, God will help you all the way...

[empleh]

*** UPDATE **

If anyone is reading this today (and this question is relevant for today only), she called about doing something tonight with me.

What should I do? Tell her I am busy? Go on a sorta "date" away from home? Go out with someone else instead? Any ideas?

[Gigabitch]

Quote:

Originally Posted by empleh

*** UPDATE **

If anyone is reading this today (and this question is relevant for today only), she called about doing something tonight with me.

What should I do? Tell her I am busy? Go on a sorta "date" away from home? Go out with someone else instead? Any ideas?

Does it seem to you like she's trying to pretend like it never happened? I don't think you should let her do that.

I was thinking about your situation earlier today. I think you should push the counseling agenda. I'm glad she agreed to it, but now, make her follow through.

I think you shouldn't hang out with her tonight, no matter how much you miss her.

[empleh]

yes in a way she has pretended like it never happened, but only days later after it call came out, and after she had made apologies. When I question her reasoning behind it she says "what do you want me to say, i know i made a mistake, and Im sorry, there is nothing more i can do"

Its obvious she misses the type of open ended communication in our relationship. I guess I do too. Its not fun to be a D**K to her, thats just not the kind of person I am. Perhaps I am more nieve than most. Sometimes Id like to pretend myself that nothing happened.

My alternative is to sit home by myself tonight. How fun that is.

this nightmare is going to go on forever!