Do guys have to make the first move? - Love Forum

Atticus · #1 (**permalink**) 25-11-03, 10:59 PM

Hello. I am a guy who is a little submissive and....well i'm not gay but i dont like having to be put into the role of being the domiant role in romance. My dream relationship, my girlfriend would make all the first moves, and she would start our first kiss.

I was just wondering, how out of wack is that? I mean, should i just suck it up and ignore what my heart tells me and pretend to be outgoing and make all the moves or should i wait for the perfect girl to show up?? Just wondering....

LightOn · #2 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 03:48 AM

Well a successful relationship is a 50/50....meaning your going to have to put half the effort into making a move, but don't play dominant, only thing you should control is yourself. Develope plans, but also learn how to go with the flow if it does not go as planned. If you find a girl that expects you to make all the moves, explain to her that you are not the aggressor. You are only 50 percent of the relationship, if you do more than your fair share you are bound to go off track.

Making the first move....well you may have to learn how to not be submissive if you really like the girl.

BuzzLiteBeer · #3 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 05:10 AM

Same here, I know exactly what you mean. If I was goin gout with a girl, I would let her mkae the first move since girls can be unpredictable. Making the first move may seem risky and could end up ruining a relationship. I can only empathize with you, i don't know the answr to your question.

sfalexi · #4 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 06:28 AM

Good luck finding a girl to make all the first moves. Very hard to find. My advice is that you HAVE to learn to make the moves. In my opinion, you should at least learn to drop heavy hints so you can sort of "feel out" the girl. Flirt heavily. When she's walking up the stairs in front of you say something like, "Mmmmm. I like the view" If she giggles incessantly and gives you a sly look, you gain confidence. And it's easier to make the first move.

Unfortunately, we're expected to make first moves as guys. Just like we're expected to ask for the phone numbers, to think up the dates, etc. Just have to get over it become more aggressive.

Alexi

jane · #5 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 07:49 AM

well, all I can say from a girls point of view is that girls in their 15-20 stage of life are not going to make the first move.. sorry..
but!!
The good news is, they do when you get older. I am usually the one that makes the first move. I am comfortable in that situation. I think after a girl has a chance to really be more comfortable around you, when your in a relationship, she will make the first move.
Until then, good luck my friend.

Velcrez · #6 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 08:48 AM

I would love it if some girl came up to me and made the first move. That would take some of the presure off of me.

jane · #7 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 08:55 AM

I think that all women somewhere in there head have wanted to maek the first move. I think it is harder fr women to do. Maybe it's because we have been repressed for so long.

I would love to be the spokesperson for the new "women make the first move" movement... but somehow.. I think I'd be marching alone...

LightOn · #8 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 12:07 PM

Quote:

I would love to be the spokesperson for the new "women make the first move" movement... but somehow.. I think I'd be marching alone...

Hey now I like that idea!!!

Actually it all depends on how you carry yourself. The more outgoing you are the more she will probably want to make the first move. At least that is how it has been in my case's. Maybe adding a little cockyness to your attitude, but not to much, may do the trick. Get her thinking "Hey he already knows he is the sh*t, I better let him know that I agree!"

The downside to that....They wont think twice about verbally assulting you...LOL.

jane · #9 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 12:12 PM

thanks.. any followers out there? anyone? anyone?

well, I would be careful about the verball assult... that tyoe of shit can back fire. Its better to suck it up and go get what you want.

LightOn · #10 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 12:24 PM

Would it look gay if a Man marched with you?

Sorry if it looked if I was suggesting a verbal assult. I meant by adding cockyness to your attitude may result in getting a verbal assualt.

jane · #11 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 12:25 PM

oh oh ... I get it...
so ...

NO !! It won't be gay, I 'd be proud to have you!
(just don't wear pink man, I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression.. )

LightOn · #12 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 12:33 PM

Then chalk me up.

Start at an all girls college.....So we can see how much of an impact it would have right away!!!!!

Atticus · #13 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 12:44 PM

Sign me up too! I want to be a writer when i grow up, maybe i can make a book about it! I would LOVE to be for women making the first move movement!

jane · #14 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 12:51 PM

well then.. consider this our first meeting !!

Alright men ... MARCH!!!

dazedandconfused · #15 (**permalink**) 26-11-03, 03:41 PM

sometimes i need the girl to make the first move or at least a first "motion" since it's hard for me to tell when a girl is really interested in me. so sometimes i am waiting for some really clear signs. otherwise the girl has to be drop-dead gorgeous or supersmart/awesome heart for me to actually act on it boldly. usually i'm just laid back, checking out a cutie and being like "damn, she hot!" and doing nothing about it. my reasons - usually the looks are much better than personality, and if i'm drawn to a nice ass, it doesn't mean that the relationship with the owner of the above mentioned piece of exterior is worth pursuing.

anyways, sometimes we just have to take the role we're given in the play, or leave if we don't like the script or the cast.