mvplaya this one is for you

[squirrley]

you seem to be pretty knowledgable in the game department. How the hell can i change this around. I met up with a guy a few months ago just to get laid and leave it at that. Problem is the guy was someone from my past, whom i cherished. never did have sex, jsut fooled around. now we find eachother and say lets do it. I spent 6 weeks prior to seeing him building a wall. No emotions culd enter this, was i wrong, him too.(i think) after the trip, we admitted there was somehting there, but he has a pyscho girlfriend and we live in different states. That's why i asked about the e-mailing thing. For 3 months it's still happening, he's still with her, but continues to chat with me, and we talk about getting together again, he also drops little lines that he cares or he's curious as to what my sexual life has been. WHAT THE HELL DO I DO? I've told him i would never ask for anything or wont lay ultimatoms on him. I don't know dude, i don't think he's playing but, wants his cake and eat it too. Waht are your thoughts?

[MVPlaya]

Well, first off, I'm assuming your only original goal was casual sex and your interests were platonic but since then thats changed. First off, you "spent 6 weeks prior to seeing him building a wall." This seems very counterproductive. You build a wall against some one who's there (generally by rebuffing advances or ignoring certain requests), to achieve this same feat without the presence of the person requires you to think about the person which doesn't "build walls" but builds bridges. Also, if you've had feelings for the person before its hard to block all feelings... there's some baggage involved, but its important nonetheless. Now you want his affection and the situation is "complicated." You do the right thing by not making an ultimatum at this point, for most guys thats a surefire signal that you're trouble. I think he's interested but he's still deciding and he's leaning towards staying with his current girlfriend. Over this 3 month period he's never had to announce his decision but he's been able to make it by putting it off. You need to see that this relationship probably isn't going anywhere. First off, you're in different states, for this to work out would require an unbelievable investment on both sides that is not, necessarily, proven to be completely worth it. The guy isn't "playing," per se, but odds are you're a confidence booster for him. Rather than playing little word games and finding solace in little lines of e-mail tell him you're done, if he's serious he'll pursue, if he's not then you just saved yourself another 6 months of e-mailing.

[squirrley]

that's what i was looking for. Geezuz. this is so hard. He told me he was considering moving back here, and if he was here things would be different. BUT-i know they won't get married, he's not in-love with her, i think he stays for the sex(not that its good, but there). I want to tell him i don't want to do this anymore, i've tried but he always come back with something to make me stay. This is so tough. Is it true if it's true love it's worth waiting for? Now-how can I present this(if i ultimately decide to do this) so he doesn't feel rejected, wht the **** do I say?

[TonyTheTigerOI]

MVP... this calls for confident persistance, wouldn't you say?

Hun, do you want to marry this guy? If not, find another man. Period.

Serious, eh? Or, at least serious enough to find out if he's good enough to marry... I digress.

YOU COULD be a total LOSER and send an ultimatum, ending the relationship waiting for his persuit. But if I were him, I'd tell you to piss off.

OR

You could be suave. For the past 2 months I've been chatting [AIM and phone] with a GORGEOUS girl, this girl made the casting call for playboy. The first time we talked, I just KNEW she was special. I never got worried, or flustered [besides a few unavoidable mixed signals via AIM]. I simply agnoleged the fact that eventually, this wonderful girl and I would get together. Whenever we talked I alluded to wonderful dates and time together... I spoke with intent, generating a strong connection between us...

But most importantly I didn't give her the slack she has with every other man in her life. When I asked for her # she rejected me... soon after she asked me to call her. While chatting I asked her to get together, she rejected me, last saturday she asked me out.

What you need to do with this man, is speak as if its innevitable, he will leave is loser of a girl, and enter a wonderful relationship with you. Don't pick baby names, but egg him on, bait him into talking about the two of you together. Dont give him an ultimatum, dont even give him an option, just tell him how its going to be, smile, and change the subject. Suggestion is a powerful thing... and being led around by a sexy woman, it sends chills up a mans spine [and down his, well, you know ].

[squirrley]

TtT-dude THANKYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!
He made the comment to me he liked the fact i take control(in certain situations), I recently sent him some VERY sexual provactive nudey pics of me, like 30 of them. He was well, lets say he loved them and ALMOST recommended i pose for a mag. Said i was certainly sexy enough. Yea, I feed his ego-unintentionaly mind you, it's just how he makes me feel. I have done the power of suggestion, and know theres' a connection. This girlfriend of his is up his ass 24-7, never lets him piss without her knowing it, it goes on. A couple of months ago he said he was ready to dump this Beeyatch. So i know it's a matter of time. He's 36 and is afraid of starting over but sees whats what with me. It scares him, but he liked the idea of "our scenario" being we grew up together and have a long history there. We have alot in common, and when we were together it was unimaginable. I thought getting mvplayas point of view would be good, he sounds like he knows the true players and wanted to see what he thought. Honestly, I'm ok with the way things are for us right now, because I don't want a serious relationship RIGHT NOW, i'm raising my 14 year old son by myself and want to wait til he's a Junior or so. So Thankyou for you advice tiger man! It made my day dude. If you ever have any other tips-bring them on! By the way I DO I DO I DO want to marry him, never felt this way about anyone, he's the one! And I would wait for him.

[MVPlaya]

I missed that, so you DO want to marry him. I thought he's some guy you were attracted to, if you have this level of attraction for him then "confident persistence" is key. Yeah, suggestions are the best way to build up some sexual/romantic tension. And over e-mail its so much easier cause you have time to think out and plan what you're going to say. If you have these feelings...

GO GET HIM!

[squirrley]

I'm screaming at the top of my lungs in front of building "I love this man!!"(know the commercial). I can't tell you I have been giving the strong persistence when it comes to sexual/ romantic dept. That man is going nuts. The pics sent him over the top. Just did those a week ago. We know what we did to eachother on our trip. He told me about a month ago, he didn't have anything to spare emotionally(not right now) so is that a good thing? i think he's still trying to dump pyscho yet and he's not the type of person to hurt people wants to help. He stuck around to get her mental help earlier this year. She throws beer bottles at his head.
Nice gal. She'll dig her own grave. I know my Independence might bother him, because before we saw eachother we had several discussions and I do present myself as someone who doesn't need a man. Don't need to be rescued from a knight in shining armor. He's told me straight out i was good for his ego, even stated "Holy shit, where did you learn to do that, a book, damn girl" (oral sex) funny thing here, he was the first guy i performed on when i was like 10-no lie, so i said with a smile"Baby- remember you were the first guy i learned on." Too many comments by him that werent lines, but has caused some confusion. Initially we admitted to eachother it felt right and natural to be together, it was right. But, I broke the cardinal rule and 2 months ago told him I thought i was in love with him, that's when he told me about the sparing emotional thing. But we still talk several times a week, does the mean he's still clinging too? Woman talk too much-i've tried cutting back-promise.

[TonyTheTigerOI]

Firstly, call me anthony. Secondly, this isn't in the bag yet. Never trust WORDS... only actions. Being a woman, you should know this :-P. You need to seal the deal... none of this "I don't want to get emotional" crap. That means he wants to keep you on the back burner and fvck both of you. Maybe his bytch is better in bed than he let on.

Also... don't wait for your son. Believe me when I say this, the longer you wait, the less chance you have of being with this man. If you don't want to marry him yet, thats fine, but start seing him ASA faking P, trust me.

You should find a way to build attraction, take your C/P to another level... call him on the phone, use a seductive tone [even if you don't talk about sex]... dont SAY you are things, or you will be things... just BE them. Don't talk to him about specifics, just make him believe he is wasting his time with this other woman.

ALSO... if you can, moderatly cut down contact, don't be so available. Still call, but you be the one to end the conversations, ect.

One last thing... raise your son right - give him REAL advice about women.

[squirrley]

ok-fair enuf. I don't know about their sexual life other than he told me they (in 2 yers) didn't have sex for a year. That's all i know, never asked, tmi thing. I don't call him. I've called him twice in the last 3 months, i get too nervous, all butterflies and stuff. How am i suppose to do these things you suggest. I've never felt this way and unsure whats right and wrong. c/p?(what's that?)
Weren't the pics a good start? now i' left with how can i top that?

I thought thats what i had been doing-just straight forward talk, no talking around circles or guessing games. He knows i want him. And i really don't want to be put on a back burner, want to be front....but realistically, because i am not there to turn the heat up per say, i feel like she has the advantage. but wouldn't you think that when he takes all this time to e-mail all week, it's more mental for me advantage wise?

As fo rmy son-i honestly tell him women are nothing but trouble. But be careful, i tell him cause i know i am one unfortanetly. This past weekend we looked at playboys together. Trust is the key. Won;t let him put the centerfold up though.

[TonyTheTigerOI]

One of the coolest things my dad ever did was tell me it was all right to look @ heff's leftovers... one of the weirdest things he ever did was tell me which magazine had a poster w/ brook burke... I felt so used.

C/P - confident persistance. CALL HIM. Butterflies are a wonderful thing, it means he is worth it. Suck it up, think of something sexy to say, and do it. Then don't answer his next email for a few days, let the anticipation grow. Make him really WANT you.

The pics was a great idea, I'd mention them every once in a while.

His G/F definatly has an advantage - flesh and blood is a beautiful thing. You can beat that icy bitch, I have faith. The key - you have to KNOW you'll be the one to end up with this man... he doesn't have a choice, you two WILL be together, believe it, and it will be so [believe yields confidence, which results in attraction].

ALSO - go out and flirt with some guys in your everyday routine. Its hard, especially when you like someone so much, but it wil really help with your confidence, and keep up that witty humor for your phone conversations - you want to knock his wolly-winter sox off, member?

Women ARE trouble... and no matter how simple they are, they complicate things. Be a good girl and give him some good advice :-P

[squirrley]

I'm down with that, still unsure how often i should call. I'm gonna hurl thinking about it. i DO believe that, not to sound arrogant, but i think i have way more to offer than she does, and he knows it, just afraid of a woman, a REAL woman.

Not to sound conceided, but i do have several men who want to take me out, and are interested. I've gone on a date. Lastweek, i told him about the woman who totally wanted me(i never talk of other men or dating) and he was all cool, until he heard i hadn't slept with anyone in 3 months, had to ask that 2. I said no, not since you. I still maintain a sense of humor w/ him, will laugh at my stupid comments or whatever. Inadvertantly i think i gave him a big head when he heard i wasn't sleeping around.(not me).
I know what i want, i told him that, i'm pretty blunt w/ him. So i feel like i played all of my cards.

As for my son-he'll tell ya, i'm a great mom! he comes first. I do try and explain were crazy, but also what they mean and what they do. So he understand how to treat a woman right and with the utmost respect.
Anthony you've been a blessing to me-everyhting happens for a reason.

[Killerbabe]

Okay may I crash your little threesome party and throw a bit of advice?

First off, as everyone already mentioned, NEVER sabotage or lay ultimatoms on a man, you're a smart girl and you know it's a sure way to end up being referred to as "psychotic biatch" or something. Men are like clay - mold them into anything you like, but NEVER let them realize you're in control! Praise him for his noble character, outstanding biceps, and make him feel like THE MAN. As soon as he figures he feels super confident and macho next to you, he'll definitely want to extend this relationship.

I never restrict a guy's freedom, hell I got better things to do, like work out! As soon as he knows you don't mind, the whole concept of forbidden temtation just doesn't click no more...
Honestly, babe, you've all the appliance and advantage to go and GET this man, so tell his girlfriend to stop throwing bottles at him, and get her grubby meethooks off your man.

PS - TigerBoy, what's this scoop with Playboy casting? From the looks of it you are a SERIOUS player, if you say this girl is amazing just because she knows how to keep a man on his tiptoes and will pose for Playboy...

[TonyTheTigerOI]

Wow, some concrete advice, I like it! HOWEVER, in this situation her man is more than clay, this is evident in the trouble shes having with "molding" him into HER man. Great analogy, tho. I wouldn't praise him to much, however, praise the BOTH of you - "we statements" as well as "you ---> me" statements.

"we make a good team!"

"You're just too much, I don't know if I can handle it :-P"

Both are examples of types of language you SHOULD be using [only use stronger words, as you already have a good connection with this man].

Killer - this girl is so much more than a pretty face. She has not restricted my life in the least. She ALMOST tricked me into restricting my OWN life... but I'm a harder egg to crack than that . I'm incredibly late, but I'll surely continue this discussion later.

[squirrley]

ok guys, this is GREAT ADVICE, and hell i need all i can get. Yea I'm confident EVENTUALLY i'll win, but it is the process inbetween. I've been using suggestive words, pictures etc. I don't think I need to sell myself to him, he already knows he's a got winner(not to be conceided, but i think thats what scares him) it's the idea of the psycho who I'm sure he cares about and how can i 3000 miles away get into his head more?

What i didn't metion is that he ia a full fledged genious, and reads between the lines, that's why i never play games or any other bs. It's keeping the anticipation and the want up? know what i mean?