Does this make me a dick? - Love Forum

RogerWilco · #1 (**permalink**) 14-04-06, 02:40 AM

Ok, so I posted my whole deal with that girl who I'm into, blah blah blah, I'm sure at least a few of you read it. The pertinent info for this thread is that we're both graduating in a month, and will be several hours from each other. Additionally, it's a situation where I'm not sure how into me she is, whether she's only interested as a friend, or would be receptive to more. That's still something I'm unsure of.

Anyway, I've gotten to the point where, even if she felt the same way I do, I really don't think I'd want to deal with a long distance relationship, especially since she'll be starting grad school right after graduation, and I'll be studying for entrance exams while working for a year before going onto grad school.

She's alluded to the fact that we'd stay in touch after graduation to some extent, which indicates she at least doen't want to lose total contact. I've kind of decided in my head that I'd rather just not stay in contact with her at all, because it's probably gonna do nothing but mess with my head thinking about her. It feels like it'd be much easier to just kind of cut my losses, say goodbye in a month, and try to avoid future contact with her.

How big of a dick does this make me? I feel like it's a pretty damn selfish attitude, but at the same time, I've been through the whole emotional turmoil deal before (hasn't everyone?), and honestly I guess I don't want to deal with that pain.

So . . . sensible? Or just an asshole?

Tone · #2 (**permalink**) 14-04-06, 02:43 AM

I don't think it would hurt to keep in touch.. you don't have to talk to her every single day or anything, but maybe like once a month or somethin? You could handle that couldn't you?

You never knew what might happen in the future and you two might end up being at a closer distance where you would want to try to work somethin out.

Your call though.

xwfuro · #3 (**permalink**) 14-04-06, 03:11 AM

i wouldnt try anything now not worth it. stay in touch with her like tone says you never know whats meant to be cannot be denied./

confused01 · #4 (**permalink**) 14-04-06, 03:16 AM

i understand how you feel i kind of feel the smae way just avoid contact will make i easier but; i don't think so. as tone said you never know what the future hides for you two.
so keeping in touch once in a while won't hurt anyone andyou should deal with your pain wether she is in close or far away.

clynn · #5 (**permalink**) 14-04-06, 03:43 AM

Stay in touch, you silly goose!

Gigabitch · #6 (**permalink**) 14-04-06, 04:35 AM

RW, we don't live in a black and white world. Making an extreme choice, like avoiding all future contact, is unreasonable.

lovesjoyajm · #7 (**permalink**) 14-04-06, 04:38 AM

RW, I'm in a similar situation. I leave for abroad, he leaves for whatever he's going to do, in like 3 weeks. But I think the reason I'm thinking of cutting communication is that I'm afraid he'll forget, or not care enough, and so if it's my decision, I won't get hurt as badly.

vashti · #8 (**permalink**) 14-04-06, 04:51 AM

My guess is that you guys will eventually move on with your lives whether or not you decide to maintain contact at this moment. That being the case, why hurt her feelings by verbalizing what will probably happen naturally?

RogerWilco · #9 (**permalink**) 14-04-06, 05:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

My guess is that you guys will eventually move on with your lives whether or not you decide to maintain contact at this moment. That being the case, why hurt her feelings by verbalizing what will probably happen naturally?

Well I hadn't necessarily planned on saying to her "I don't want to ever see/talk to you again" or anything. I just kind of figured I could let it turn into one of those "oh yeah we'll keep in touch probably" things and then just sort of not ever follow up on that.

RogerWilco · #10 (**permalink**) 14-04-06, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

RW, we don't live in a black and white world. Making an extreme choice, like avoiding all future contact, is unreasonable.

Fair enough.

I've already noticed, though, that I've been a little more distant/cold to her. Not an asshole by any measure, but just not quite as "friendly" as I've been up until recently. This is at least partially subconscious I think, as a defense mechanism probably, to make it easier to leave in a month and not have it bother me so much.

Gigabitch · #11 (**permalink**) 17-04-06, 06:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RogerWilco

I've already noticed, though, that I've been a little more distant/cold to her. Not an asshole by any measure, but just not quite as "friendly" as I've been up until recently. This is at least partially subconscious I think, as a defense mechanism probably, to make it easier to leave in a month and not have it bother me so much.

It doesn't make you a dick. It makes you a pussy.

Not that it's such a bad thing. I think you're doing the straight-up, self-respecting right thing. It's cute that someone as self-analytical as you are would even try to pretend to allow himself to do anything subconsciously.

Ha.

RogerWilco · #12 (**permalink**) 17-04-06, 06:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

It doesn't make you a dick. It makes you a pussy.

Fair enough. I'll freely admit that that accurately sums up how I've been acting towards the entire situation. Kind of annoys me, but again, that's my own fault.

Tone · #13 (**permalink**) 17-04-06, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RogerWilco

Fair enough. I'll freely admit that that accurately sums up how I've been acting towards the entire situation. Kind of annoys me, but again, that's my own fault.

I hate when you realize shit like this too late.

RogerWilco · #14 (**permalink**) 11-05-06, 09:30 AM

Well, here's an update if anyone's interested. If nothing else for my own edification.

The past couple weeks we've been real busy, and she's flaked out on a few "study dates" she's suggested. I got to the point where I'm tired of trying and if she really wanted to do anything I'd let her take the initiative. I'm no longer looking for anything more than just hanging out with a friend one last time before we go our separate ways. We've only got a few days left, and she keeps suggesting we need to get together and do something before we part ways, and yet flakes out when she says she'll call me.

So basically I'm just frustrated. On the one hand I'm annoyed with her and just wanna say forget about it, but on the other hand I'd just like to forget about all this garbage and just be able to enjoy a friendly night out or whatever.

I'm mostly just talking for the sake of venting, although any comments are welcome.

iulikewhoa · #15 (**permalink**) 11-05-06, 01:36 PM

UM... welcome to my life!!!

Seriously, it doesn't make you a dick... and I am a firm believer in gut instincts... and my gut instinct is telling me its not worth it...

You are young and have your entire life ahead of you... go out and have fun you know? and don't try and start something when you are both going to be saying goodbye...