Divorce On The Verge - Love Forum

keeptrying · #1 (**permalink**) 20-05-06, 03:42 AM

Will my wife decided to leave me. I'm just totally an emotional wreck. She has mentioned that we have had problems for the last five months however, We both never really discussed it seriously -- usually they were heated mad fights.
She tells me that she is not in love with me but she still loves me as a friend. I have the believe that through marriage this will happen temporarily.
To top it all off she started seeing her exboyfriend from 6 years ago, because she felt she did not have closure with him. She swears they are just talking.

I'm totally lost ---as I know we have had problems for the last 5-6 months and I've told her I will change and I know I can because I already have.
We were so good together we liked the same activities, food, home decor, we always could laugh at each other, we had freaky language, I just loved being with her ---whenever I see her I just light up with a ear to ear grin and so did she.

Today I tried to talk to her about what we can do---and she just would not budge, I asked her to please let me go---we kind of said the words to each other.

She started moving out today. Is it possible she just needs space?
We did start counseling about a month ago and attended three times.

Not sure what to do.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

JOHN

Ladies_Man(jks) · #2 (**permalink**) 20-05-06, 04:38 AM

I'm not married (I'm 22), but my GF of 4.5 years is having the same kind of feelings, granted her parents have just gone through a very messy divorce and her mother is telling her she doesn't believe in marriage

I am just giving her space right now (were on break), she is getting some counselling to deal with her family issues and I guess she'll talk about me. She has told me she is not ready to end it and she is very confused right now. So all I'm doing is hoping for the best.

So my suggestion would be to give her some space. As callous as it is, try to cut your communication with her and wait for her to contact you. Avoid acting clingy and try to act as if you are getting along fine with your life. From what I've gathered over the last week, a small surprise like sending her flowers isn't a bad idea, but wait until the right moment (like the next time you meet together on better terms).

Good luck with your case I hope it worksout for both you and me.

vashti · #3 (**permalink**) 20-05-06, 05:22 AM

It is very sad, but the simple truth is that women usually move on emotionally long before they actually make the break. You may have already missed your opportunity to repair this. Give her the space she needs. Trying to hang on when she has lost the motivation to stay is pointless, and frankly, it might alienate her further.

FYI - If you have kids, my advice would be different.

PS - you really ought to give some thought to what REALLY happened. I don't believe for a minute that she was crazy about you one day, and done with you the next. These things take time to evolve.

Ladies_Man(jks) · #4 (**permalink**) 20-05-06, 05:29 AM

I just finished talking with my friend and she took a break from her BF of 4.5 years about 5 weeks ago (they're still on break). She told me that she decided she needed a break and that very same day she met her BF and told him they need to go on break.

However, he is talking about marriage turning into divorce so I guess the dynamics are quite different and I haven't been married yet so I can't really comment on it from that point of view.

I can say that my parents were seperated 2 or 3 times before getting married and filed for divorce after a year of marriage (never went through with it) and they have been married for 33 years now.

Ladies_Man(jks) · #5 (**permalink**) 20-05-06, 05:31 AM

All I can say is prepare for the worst, but you can hold on to hope, things might fix overtime.

keeptrying · #6 (**permalink**) 20-05-06, 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

It is very sad, but the simple truth is that women usually move on emotionally long before they actually make the break. You may have already missed your opportunity to repair this. Give her the space she needs. Trying to hang on when she has lost the motivation to stay is pointless, and frankly, it might alienate her further.

FYI - If you have kids, my advice would be different.

PS - you really ought to give some thought to what REALLY happened. I don't believe for a minute that she was crazy about you one day, and done with you the next. These things take time to evolve.

Thank goodness we don't have kids.

I will keep you posted

keeptrying · #7 (**permalink**) 20-05-06, 11:09 PM

An Update yesterday I told her we had to get together to discuss or material possesions. I held my own to be straight and not break down--however she broke down in sobbing tears. I furhter told her I'm always around and have a lot of hugs as a friend===she would not stop crying. Not sure what to think now.
In my opinion if she does not come back it is a shame that this marriage was killed as there was so many positive things about it.

keeptrying · #8 (**permalink**) 20-05-06, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ladies_Man(jks)

I can say that my parents were seperated 2 or 3 times before getting married and filed for divorce after a year of marriage (never went through with it) and they have been married for 33 years now.

That is amazing---I'm hoping for somewhat the same scenario---but if it does not happen I'm at piece with it, I stopped the sobbing emotional sessions as of yesterday and realized life is too short.

keeptrying · #9 (**permalink**) 21-05-06, 07:07 AM

Today I told her we should have no contact for the next weeks and honestly think about the outcome of this whether me split or get back together someday.
Explained to her that if we don't give it a chance it may create regret for the future. She agreed and agreed to not talk to her ex bf.

To me I still can't believe it has come this far, if anything I will learn a lesson in life.

Ladies_Man(jks) · #10 (**permalink**) 21-05-06, 09:03 AM

Hey man at least she is open to trying to fix the situation. That means all is not lost. Her attitude haschanged quite a bit from before no? Just wait a couple of weeks and reassess. Try to keep busy because the worst thing you can do is start falling down in the dumps over this.

Mishanya · #11 (**permalink**) 22-05-06, 09:04 PM

Hold on to hope, but as Vash has already pointed out in the back of your mind try to re-enact the situation to find out what REALLY has gone wrong. What are the don't that you did that shouldn't be repeated in the future? I guess, at this point in time a valuable lesson for the future is still something you can hope to learn.

blue · #12 (**permalink**) 22-05-06, 09:36 PM

you know speaking of leaving someone is serious and then actually taking the action is really soemthing serious, If she wants to go then let her go if she means what she says then why want someone who dosent want you? As painful as it all is and for as much as you are holding on and have tried at this point nothing you do is going to change her mind shes been gone for a long time all ready. Sometimes people think the grass is greener on the other side. I mean i feel that these are marital issues that can be worked out and she just throws that all away, throws you away.

keeptrying · #13 (**permalink**) 24-05-06, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blue

you know speaking of leaving someone is serious and then actually taking the action is really soemthing serious, If she wants to go then let her go if she means what she says then why want someone who dosent want you? As painful as it all is and for as much as you are holding on and have tried at this point nothing you do is going to change her mind shes been gone for a long time all ready. Sometimes people think the grass is greener on the other side. I mean i feel that these are marital issues that can be worked out and she just throws that all away, throws you away.

So true
I've being thinking about this all day---why do I have to put so much effort in to try and fix this---Good By Good Riddens---
Then I start to really miss her--what gives.

blue · #14 (**permalink**) 24-05-06, 09:23 PM

of course you are gonna miss her thats the natural order of things but trust me the longer you hold on the longer you will feel pain and miss her she wants to go she wants to disregard your marriage vows just like they are trash then so be it but at least you know you tried.

keeptrying · #15 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 02:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blue

of course you are gonna miss her thats the natural order of things but trust me the longer you hold on the longer you will feel pain and miss her she wants to go she wants to disregard your marriage vows just like they are trash then so be it but at least you know you tried.

This makes me feel like it is so true---The day I said I do was the day I gave myself to her for the rest of my life. Before all this began I would of gave my life for her.