Guy I'm dating is on Match - what should I do??

[tatjana0481]

I need guys' opinions, please.

I met a guy online a month ago. We went on a few dates and slept together and things were going great. After a week we said that we aren't dating anyone else but it wasn't a real exclusive talk of course since it was still so soon.

Then I got a bit jealous because he was still active on that dating site where we met and he sent a lot of emails to at least one girl (coincidence: she was a friend of mine). In one email she asked him if he was dating anyone and he said that he is single and that he would be interested in talking more. He also said he has been on a few dates with someone (me) but that they weren't great and that he didn't have sex. I was hurt and pissed. I talked to him about it and he was hurt that I don't trust him and he said that we are dating and that he wasn't dating or sleeping with anyone else. He said he just lied to a stranger and that it was none of her business anyway.

However, I was hurt and I kind of ended it. He wanted to end it too since he thought it wasn't going to work out since I don't trust him. I quickly realized though that I miss him and that I have a crush on him already. So I emailed him a week later, explained it all to him and asked him if he wants a fresh start. He said he was sorry and that he wants a fresh start but shortly after that when I asked him if he wants to hang out he didn't return my call for a week. Then he called me last weekend, apologized and said he was busy and that he also needed to figure things out. He was very eager to meet me the following days, called me, texted me and emailed me.

We hung out yesterday for the first time again. Dinner and a movie at his place. During the movie we kissed and made out a little and I was really happy since I had missed him a lot. It got late and he asked me if I want to sleep over and I said yes. I knew I shouldn't have but I wanted to and then one thing led to another and we slept together again.

Well, and now I feel really bad because I think I should have made him work for it more. I really want something serious with him. Should I tell him that I want to stop sleeping with him until we are exclusive? I want to fight for him but I also don't want to be his doormat.

One thing though: He has a pretty hard shell and needs to feel very secure with someone to open up. Should I be more elusive or should I tell/show him that I like him?

Finally, is there hope? Does it sound like he is interested in me at all from a guy's perspective? I know he likes me, he thinks I'm sweet, funny and very attractive, but what's up with him being on that dating site all the time? Is it just for fun and for female attention? He is very sweet with me, gives me little kisses all the time (in a non-sexual way), talks about future stuff and acts like we are dating but I just don't know what to make of all that.

Thanks!!

[keeptrying]

Move on---he is playing the field I met my wife online ---however now we are breaking up.

[kai]

According to me he likes you . Maybe he's goin to that site just for timepass I think u should carry on with him

[Ellynn]

Sure, maybe he likes you, but hes keeping his options open....

As for anything serious with him, i would be VERY cautious... Take things slow....or at least slower then you have been taking them. In other words, maybe get to know him better before sleeping with him again! I mean you just met him not long ago....and hung out with him a few times and thats about it. You didn't really get to know the real him. How does he act around you when hes with friends? Does he take you to public places? How does he act with you there? Does he treat you like your both a couple?
I mean you honestly don't know if hes a player or not. So by getting to know him a bit better, you can find this out..and then decide what to do from there...

He could be just using you until something better comes along...so beware!

(Trust me, I know how it goes. I met a guy online, not from a dating site but from regular online, and I thought he was a great guy! He told me he was looking for a relationship etc. We hit it off etc and ended up sleeping together almost from the start. I was so blinded by my feelings for him, I didn't really stop to think about WHY he never really took me out in public and always wanted to stay in or hang out at his place and watch movies etc.....or WHY he would avoid me for a week at a time. IT wasn't until I directly asked him how he saw us, that I found out he wasn't looking for anything serious or ANY type of relationship....and wanted to keep things how they were.....just casual SEX. Trust me, I was hurt and upset. I ended things right then and there... Now Im ALOT more cautious! )

So, from my little story.....also MAKE SURE the both of you are on the same page when it comes to what you want. Lay it out on the table what you want....and make sure its what he wants. ( And hopefully he won't lie to you if he says he wants an actual relationship.)

YOu should never feel like his doormat. So if you have that gut feeling, then listen to it....and move on.

[vashti]

I'm going to take a different position. I think you are expecting too much too soon. Until you have an agreement that the two of you are exclusive, he is free to do what he wants, and so are you. Besides, you've only dated him a few times. You shouldn't be expecting ANYTHING at this point.

There is a difference between casual dating and serious dating that lots of people have a hard time distinguishing between these days. You might want to contemplate that.

Oh yeah - I'm not a guy, so feel free to disregard my advise.