Should I stay.. would you?

[nebulachic]

I've been seeing a separated guy. He told me quite early on in the relationship he was falling in love with me / loved me. Things were great for a few months. I kept asking him when he was going to get divorced (he had been separated 3 years). He told me he needed to do it and hearing it from me was helping him go forward with it.

About 5 months into the relationship I asked how he envisioned life after his divorce. He said a few things and mentioned having a partner. I asked if he ever saw me as that person. He said "Of course I do! It's only natural to think of the person you're with! But I can't make any promises right now." I was rather surprised and kind of crushed to hear this. I thought if you've been telling someone you're in love with them and syaing things like "this feels right"... "this feels like home".. for months it means you're thinking pretty long-term already.

I brought the issue up again about a week later. He said "We don't know how we're going to feel about this relationship once I'm divorced and I have my freedom back. I'm not saying I'm going to go out and try to screw every woman I see. But I am going to be picky and ask a lot of questions like I've been doing with you. I don't want to make another mistake. I can't give you a guarantee." I said I think we should take a break. He begged me not to. I asked why he was so adamant we don't break up until his divorce is finalized. He said: "#1... you mean a lot to me.. and #2, although 1 is more important.. it would be caving into my wife." "What does she have to do with it???" I asked. "She has been trying to ruin this from day 1!!!" he said. Another time we argued about it he said "Please don't leave me. No one else will want me in my situation." "What are you talking about?" I said. "You dated 3 women before me!!" He didn't respond.

I left the counrty for a week the next day (business). He asked me not to make a rash decision. I didn't call or email him at all. When I got back he told me he had been talking with all his friends telling them how much he loves me and has long-term plans in mind and framed a bunch of pics of me and put them next to his son's. The next weekend we went away and he asked me in a restaurant if I want to build a life with him (live together) after his divorce. I said yes.

Think I should stay with him?

[Gigabitch]

Well, at least he's not expecting you to act like he never said it. As for being able to get past it, though... I don't know. Things don't just come flying out of peoples' mouths for no reason.

I would be cautiously optimistic. Forgiving him might be easier if you have Plan B in place.

[nebulachic]

Last night we were talking about our fears/insecurities. He said: "It's like I'm afraid to be happy.. as weird as that may sound." And another time he said: "I'm scared I'm going to screw this up."

What is he saying exactly? Are these kinds of fears to be expected from someone going thru a divorce?

[Gigabitch]

Uh, yeah!

But neb, I have to say, he sounds like he doesn't have a lot to offer right now. Is he worth waiting for? Because he's a person in transition at this point in his life, and he might change his mind again. And again.

[wildadrenaline]

he's just being indecisive. if he realy wanna give you a status & be serious about you, he would have given what you want. move on.. u don't need such a guy.

[Ellynn]

I think you posted about this awhile back ago....and I replied to it. And what I said back then is still my opinion...

Honestly, I think hes at a point in his life where he doesn't know what he wants. Do you really want to wait around for someone who is that uncertain? In the end , your gonna be the one who gets hurt.

[vashti]

Yeah, the advise I gave you on the last thread you posted still stands. I don't think he intends to marry you at all. I think he is just trying to be sure that he has a steady supply of young flesh.