How is such happiness accompanied by such pain?

[Freethinker]

Hi, everyone. I am a 21 year old female; I have never been in love before, but believe I am beginning to fall in love with my boyfriend of 6 months, who is 23. I don't understand some of the things that are going on with me, or what to expect, or what is normal.

The relationship that we are in is totally trustful, loving, open, honest, and exclusive. We both love each other. Currently we see each other only once a week when we go on a date.

My problem is, when its time to say goodbye after the date, I begin to cry. The crying has only been going on for about a month, but gotten progressively worse, or more intense. Here is a journal entry from today detailing the problem:

I have been crying so much lately. Saturday morning I awoke and sobbed and convulsed in agony. And every time I leave for home after going on a date with, and/or sleeping over at (his name)'s house***, I cry. And the crying seems to get worse every time. I don’t understand it. I try to hide my tears and sniffling from him when I am leaving in the morning. I choke out an “I love you” and a “goodbye.” Even now I am in tears writing this. I am very happy in our relationship though and everything is wonderful and I have no complaint; therefore the crying makes even less sense. When I am with him, I am very happy and content; when I leave, I endure agony.

Why is there pain without cause? Where is the source of my turmoil? When I am finished crying I feel better, but also numb. How is such happiness accompanied by such pain? My mind is baffled by this mystery.

Why can’t I be at peace with my happiness once more?

I feel so alone when I am without him. I sometimes worry that he might not feel alone as I do—that he doesn’t need me as much as I need him. I visit my parents to ward off the loneliness, and it helps for the time that I spend with them, as well as some time afterward. And my friends help as well, but not as much. I have no real friends. I am alone in most things—in my agnosticism, in my future goals and dreams, and in my pain. Perhaps the solution is to make friends with freethinkers, and to spend time with those who share my goals.

***by the way, yes I am sleeping over at his house, but we do not have sex, though we are intimate in other ways (since we are not yet ready for sex)

So why do I cry? What does he think about that/how does he interpret it? Help! This doens't make sense!

[blauw]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freethinker

I sometimes worry that he might not feel alone as I do—that he doesn’t need me as much as I need him.

First of all guys won't show their feelings very fast in a relationship. So maybe he doesn't cry, but maybe his heart bleeds to see u cry ...
I think it's very clear to him that u cry because u have to leave him ... Since u only cry when you have to say goodbye.
Has he ever asked you why u crying ? and what did u tell him ? and how did he respond to that?

[pinkpuca84]

i think...(i thinkkk!!!)...u got some sort of separation anxiety . i'm not quite sure abt this tho...cos when i read ur post, it reminded me of my houseparent's dog (rrr....i'm not kidding...so i'm sorry), he was diagnosed to have "separation anxiety", cos he barked all the time when my housparents were not home. he was prescribed with some medicine (dont know what...i think anti depresant or something...), he became alot calmer. (sory again..but i didnt mean to relate u as a dog ...really!)

i guess it can happen to human too, eh? to be honest, i never "cry" when i said goodbye to my bfs after we went on a date. i suppose u might have to see him a tad more often? once a week probably isnt enough for u. i know my friends meet their bfs almost everyday.

[Steven715]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkpuca84

i know my friends meet their bfs almost everyday.

I think this is the problem with most modern realationships i think that people are wanting to mutch at the begining and then get bord of eachother very easeley what do you think this is just my opinion. I am sorry if this is inapropiate of me to say hear but it came up so... but would like to know what others think!

[Freethinker]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shibby

First of all guys won't show their feelings very fast in a relationship. So maybe he doesn't cry, but maybe his heart bleeds to see u cry ...
I think it's very clear to him that u cry because u have to leave him ... Since u only cry when you have to say goodbye.
Has he ever asked you why u crying ? and what did u tell him ? and how did he respond to that?

Well I also cry sometimes when I am alone--it's like something catches up to me. I don't know why I am crying though, other than I sense a pain that is somehow related to my bf.

He asked me once why I cried; I told him I didn't know, and that I was sad to have to say goodbye. He tried to cheer me up with, "We will see each other next week though."

I have noticed that I am just bad with goodbyes in general; I take them way too seriously. When I see a movie where there is a goodbye, such as someone dying, or a parting of friends, or like in Lord of the Rings when Frodo said a permanent goodbye to Sam and his friends, it really gets to me. Goodbyes hurt the worst.

I'm so emotional about this stuff but no one would know because I hide it and only cry in private (except in front of my bf, and I dont want to do that).

[Gigabitch]

Your crying isn't about him. Understand that right away. I do think you're in danger of screwing up what sounds like a good relationship if you don't try to deal with this, though.

I think you need to see a professional. It might be expensive, but it's worth it. I know you're young, but you need help. The crying is your way of telling yourself that you can't function like this- so do something about it!

[kai]

According to me either you love him so muchhhhhhh that you don't want to be away from him or u are worried that your relationship will be screwed coz of another girl . That's why you want to stay with him as long as possible . So my advice is control urself . It is hard to go away from the one u love but u've to accept that . There is no point of crying . If u keep on doin like this he will be irritate from u

[Freethinker]

I figured out why I am emotional when I leave. It's three-fold.

The first reason is that I am slightly depressed due to other factors in my life, such as finding a roommate and possibly paying the entire rent on my own. I am totally secure in my job though so at least I don't have to worry about that. But yes I am stressed about finances and how I am going to pay for things and accomplish my goals and deal with life. I just got out on my own a few months ago. So when I am stressed out, anxious, and depressed, it makes me more emotional.

The second reason is that I need to see him twice a week instead of once a week.

And thirdly, "goodbyes" are an emotional button for me anyway.

No, I do not love him "sooooooooooooooooooooooooo" much, and no I do not think for one minute that he would cheat on me or date another woman.

Posting here helped me figure all this out. Thank you everyone for responding!