Just venting--

[youre it]

So I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years now. He's typically a nice guy, but he has his moments. I love him more than anything and if we ever broke up I don't know what I'd do. Our plans are to get married when I graduate from college; 2010. We have stupid little fights a lot, though. It's always about the same thing. There's one thing that drives me nuts about him, though. His hobby is working on cars. He's constantly working on it and I don't remember the last time we went a weekend without cars. Sometimes we go an entire weekend in a garage working on cars...I don't complain unless he's in there for hours upon hours for an entire weekend. I know he loves working on them, but why can't he just go without it, ever? I'm not asking him to give up his hobby...I definitely don't want that, it's just driving me crazy that he's willing to say "baby I want a day or two away from you" but then he's working on cars 7 days a week..sometimes he starts working on them at 7:00pm and doesn't stop until 1:00am..sometimes 2:00 or 3:00...depending on what it is. He tells me I'm priority but he's always saying he wants time away from me...okay understandable; space is needed..but because he's never giving that up for a weekend or a couple of days, even, I feel like I'm not as important to him as I thought. The only other thing that drives me nuts about him is the fact that he plays computer games when he finally does stop working on cars...actually, every night. He'll play from the time he gets home around 11 or 12...or 1 or whatever...until 4 or 5 or 6 sometimes. And we talk on the phone every night..and no I don't force him, he says he just wants to, but when we're on the phone I'm having to repeat myself like 849042 times with almost everything that I say. I mean, we go ALL day without talking (until after 9 or until he calls at 1 or 2am) and I don't see him all the time, so then when he calls I want to have a conversation with him, not be ignored. He's always like, "baby I'm not ignoring you" and maybe it's not intentionally but he still does and it's driving me insane! What is it about cars and computer games that keeps a guys attention...especially away from his girlfriend?

This is definitely just me venting....I just feel like I'm competing with his cars and computer games even though everytime I tell him that he says I'm not. I don't know what to do or how to act...I've left him alone all day until he calls me, not bothering him, etc. I try and try and get nowhere...and when I say something he just says I'm "bitching". Sometimes I just don't understand men..and just want to give up.

[vashti]

Actions speak louder than words. Despite what he says, you are not his priority. Marry him at your own risk. (BTW - you are too young to be thinking about marriage, IMO.)

Now, I realize someone's gonna come on here and say "it could be worse, it could be women", but why compare yourself to the worst-case scenario? Plenty of men know how to balance their lives properly.

[Monkey_Buz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by youre it

So I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years now. He's typically a nice guy, but he has his moments. I love him more than anything and if we ever broke up I don't know what I'd do. Our plans are to get married when I graduate from college; 2010. We have stupid little fights a lot, though. It's always about the same thing. There's one thing that drives me nuts about him, though. His hobby is working on cars. He's constantly working on it and I don't remember the last time we went a weekend without cars. Sometimes we go an entire weekend in a garage working on cars...I don't complain unless he's in there for hours upon hours for an entire weekend. I know he loves working on them, but why can't he just go without it, ever? I'm not asking him to give up his hobby...I definitely don't want that, it's just driving me crazy that he's willing to say "baby I want a day or two away from you" but then he's working on cars 7 days a week..sometimes he starts working on them at 7:00pm and doesn't stop until 1:00am..sometimes 2:00 or 3:00...depending on what it is. He tells me I'm priority but he's always saying he wants time away from me...okay understandable; space is needed..but because he's never giving that up for a weekend or a couple of days, even, I feel like I'm not as important to him as I thought. The only other thing that drives me nuts about him is the fact that he plays computer games when he finally does stop working on cars...actually, every night. He'll play from the time he gets home around 11 or 12...or 1 or whatever...until 4 or 5 or 6 sometimes. And we talk on the phone every night..and no I don't force him, he says he just wants to, but when we're on the phone I'm having to repeat myself like 849042 times with almost everything that I say. I mean, we go ALL day without talking (until after 9 or until he calls at 1 or 2am) and I don't see him all the time, so then when he calls I want to have a conversation with him, not be ignored. He's always like, "baby I'm not ignoring you" and maybe it's not intentionally but he still does and it's driving me insane! What is it about cars and computer games that keeps a guys attention...especially away from his girlfriend?

This is definitely just me venting....I just feel like I'm competing with his cars and computer games even though everytime I tell him that he says I'm not. I don't know what to do or how to act...I've left him alone all day until he calls me, not bothering him, etc. I try and try and get nowhere...and when I say something he just says I'm "bitching". Sometimes I just don't understand men..and just want to give up.

It seems like hes taking his "hobby" a bit to far and i can understand what your saying. You want to give him time and space to play with his cars (not toy cars?) to keep him happy but you want to spend time with him, obviously.

You just have to keep trying. If you love him and want to stay with him you will keep trying and keep trying to get him to spend time with you. He should see how much you care and any decent bloke will notice it and change their ways.

And not all men are bad....Well I'd like to think i wasn't.

Don't give up on the one you love.

[youre it]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monkey_Buz

It seems like hes taking his "hobby" a bit to far and i can understand what your saying. You want to give him time and space to play with his cars (not toy cars?) to keep him happy but you want to spend time with him, obviously.

You just have to keep trying. If you love him and want to stay with him you will keep trying and keep trying to get him to spend time with you. He should see how much you care and any decent bloke will notice it and change their ways.

And not all men are bad....Well I'd like to think i wasn't.

Don't give up on the one you love.

I do want to make him happy...and yeah I'm there when he's working on his car or his friends cars and whatnot because he wants me to be a part of his life...but it's like 'um hi I don't want to do this everyday, why can't we do something else' so it gets frustrating. And sometimes he'll realize it and change for a day and then go back to it...I know he doesn't want to make me unhappy because he loves me, but it just gets so frustrating. Sometimes I want to give up, but I know I never will because I love him too much and I'm willing to be patient, but in the meantime it's driving me insane.

Quote:

Actions speak louder than words.

I tell him that all the time and then he'll start being nice and put me first for a while and then he just gets on this "car kick" and I just wanna scream

[vashti]

Quote:

Originally Posted by youre it

Sometimes I want to give up, but I know I never will because I love him too much and I'm willing to be patient, but in the meantime it's driving me insane.

Well, I guess we get what we will settle for.

[Ellynn]

First off, it sounds to me like you have plenty of time before you should even think about marrying him. I mean alot can change in a matter of a yr....let alone 4 yrs...

I mean, when I was 18....I had all these plans.....and trust me, things have changed alot since then and Im almost 25 now.

I know because you are in a serious relationship your thinking about forever....which is cool. I know almost every relationship I have been in....I've tried to picture things working out for the best and how it would be in the future... But, you have alot of time yet!

This guy sounds like hes crazy about cars... (i know the type....Ive dated a guy like that and my dad was the SAME way!) And well, a guy nowdays who isn't into computer games or video games is a rare find... But, these are his hobbies and its what he loves... I doubt he will change... You have to realize that! If anything hopefully it will all eventually balance out and he will realize to take the time out for you.......or.....more then likely......this is just how its gonna be...

You have to decide if its something you can deal with for the rest of your life. If you think it gets easier after marriage..guess again.. Its even more compromising.....or more of one person accepting and the other person doing what they want. Basically......theres gotta be a balance....and if this is something you can't see dealing with in the long run, then you have to address it. If he doesn't learn to compromise for you when it comes to that....then guess whos gonna be stuck doing the compromsing.. Uh huh....thats right.....YOU! So really make sure your ok with all this before you go and marry the guy...

But, you still have alot of time... Like I said before..alot can change between now and then.... Good luck to you though...