It's all about my frame of mind?

[Danny_B]

This is how I see it...

In any situation with a member of the opposite sex a lot depends on what state/frame of mind you're in reflects on how 'well' you interact with that person.

The more relaxed and settled you feel in any given situation helps you out no end, obviously - but getting to that stage I find really difficult to do - probably bcos it should be a natural feeling, as in, I can't 'make' myself relaxed if I'm already nervous (which sucks).

It's all about confidence... sometimes I have it, sometimes I don't. When I have confidence I have the courage to go up and talk to any girl with no worries what-so-ever, yet there are times that I won't bcos of nerves/shyness, but why are there times like that?

Why does my confidence go up and down like a yo-yo? I'm guessing it's bcos of my frame of mind at that time...

I know I could be confident all the time but I have no idea how to get to that stage... Half the time my confidence thing ruins my chance with a girl bcos the way I act changes with it - one day I'm talkative and the jokes flow and the next day I'm quiet and nervous, therefore not saying so much...

Why does this happen?

[IceQueen]

No. It has little to do with YOUR frame of mind, it has little to do with HER frame of mind, all it has to do with is compatibility between the two of you.

[sfalexi]

I'm gonna play the bullshit card on that one Icequeen. It has a lot to do with the frame of mind you're in. How do you even KNOW if you're compatible if you're not in the frame of mind to talk to them and get to know them?

The key to being confident all the time is not worrying. You have to be able to be outgoing without worrying what the consequences will be. Instead of thinking in your mind, "Wow. I hope that I can talk to her and she likes me". Just talk to her and be funny. Now sometimes you're not in the mood and the jokes don't come, well, that happens. But you have to let go of the fear of rejection and the fear of something going wrong.

Me personally, when I hit that stage of no longer fearing rejection, I opened up a lot. And I found out I was a lot funnier and fun to be with than I thought I would be. I went from not asking girls out to girls asking me out. Granted not as many as I would've liked (and also granted not always the knockouts I wanted, and there was that one time I was getting hit on by the gay guy, which was uncool but I can't blame him. He's gotta do his thing, it just ain't gonna be with me), but anyways, the point is once you open up and get rid of those fears, you'll have a natural confident spark that people (girls too!) will recognize and they'll be happy to chat with you.

Alexi

[LightOn]

People may critisize this but oh well. I agree with both previous posts, I will also add to this. There is a movie called "Vanilla sky" starring Tom Cruise, it is by far in my personal opinion one of the best movies ever made. Towards the end of the movie something very interesting was brought up about Subconscious minds. It tends to play tricks on us, we have to understand that it is our subconscious that generates our thoughts, and most of the time it is the reason for our moods/state of mind. What I am trying to say is, sometimes you have to make up your own thoughts to put yourself in a good mood. I have heard of some people not having a subconscious, personally I can't verify that and even if someone says they don't have one, I am not the one to be certain of it.

Confidence is a key, but lifes door has many locks.