Should I be upset about this or not? - Love Forum

blackiesharley · #1 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 02:23 AM

Background in twenty words or less... (OK maybe a few more)

My girlfriend and I have become VERY close, average 10 emails and ten phone calls a day, have hinted to each other about something permanent. We're semi - long distance. She lives 3 hours away and we have a standing date every weekend, for several logistical reasons it's best for her to come here. She's cool with that.

Weekend before last she said she was sick and couldn't make it. I understood that 100% but then a strange thing happened. She stopped returning my calls all weekend. Called Monday and said she when she was taking a bath, her phone rang, she dropped it in the tub, it shorted out and erased my stored number. Hmmm... ? After all this time she should have known it, makes me wonder a little.

Last Thursday I called to get a shopping list for the weekend and asked 'What would you like me to fix for our dinners?' Her answer was that she couldn't make it because she had to do laundry and house cleaning. OK, I know she has a full schedule during the week but I guess I expressed some disappoint in my voice and she got a little upset. (Just a little)

Now today, I ask her about this coming weekend and she goes 'well, I meant to tell you that I've been invited to my friends birthday party and I can't make it.' I said nicely 'OK, I understand.'

I DO understand that when a relationship begins you can't abandon your friends and I would never ask her to do that of course, but if the shoe were on the other foot, I would rather be with her than my friends, they would understand.

Something's fishy here, something seems to have faded on her part. I'm starting to wonder...

Opinions?

Gigabitch · #2 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 02:26 AM

IMO, she thinks you're moving too fast and she's putting on the brakes.

Too bad she isn't doing it more gracefully. Has she tried to hint?

blackiesharley · #3 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 02:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

IMO, she thinks you're moving too fast and she's putting on the brakes.

Too bad she isn't doing it more gracefully. Has she tried to hint?

No, that's the interesting thing. We were SO much on the same wave-length. If anything, SHE was the one that hinted at a future, not hinting at slowing down.

Gigabitch · #4 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 02:31 AM

Do you think she met someone else (eew- not a good feeling), or maybe she's got an ex popping up or something?

blackiesharley · #5 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 02:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Do you think she met someone else (eew- not a good feeling), or maybe she's got an ex popping up or something?

Doubtful but anything is possible.

What's even stranger is that I haven't heard from her all day since that conversation this morning. And it was very polite, like I said, I told her I understood.

Gigabitch · #6 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 02:41 AM

I think it's happened enough times in a row that it isn't just a coincidence, though. It seems like she's avoiding you, and you have to figure out why before it poisons your relationship.

When can you call her and have a serious conversation, without her kids right there, and ask her what's the deal?

blackiesharley · #7 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 02:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

I think it's happened enough times in a row that it isn't just a coincidence, though. It seems like she's avoiding you, and you have to figure out why before it poisons your relationship.

When can you call her and have a serious conversation, without her kids right there, and ask her what's the deal?

I agree, once, maybe twice I could understand but three times in a row is not mere coincidence.

It's almost impossible to have a serious conversation with her as she's either at the office or at home with the kids. That's why this weekend was so important I felt. We finally had a chance to sit down alone, quitely.

Could be she's scared and needs some time to digest all that has happened over the months. Or maybe she's just had a change of heart????

Probably the best thing to do is just give her space right now and see what happens. Smothering or pressuring her to find out what's wrong is just going to backfire.

Gigabitch · #8 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 02:53 AM

Yes, I agree, but don't just stop calling her- she might feel like it's a rejection or that you're sulking.

blackiesharley · #9 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 03:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Yes, I agree, but don't just stop calling her- she might feel like it's a rejection or that you're sulking.

I just now called her. We started having a serious conversation, she seemed sweet and sure enough, her office got busy and she'll have to call me back. Shit.

THAT could be the problem. When we're together alone we communicate great. The phone, what with the the office the kids, or emails just doesn't cut it. Too much mis-inturputation can happen.

We can't allow some logistical problem to ruin something potentially good.

That's why I'm disappointed in our canceled weekends.

vashti · #10 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 03:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackiesharley

My girlfriend and I have become VERY close, average 10 emails and ten phone calls a day...

Blackie!! That is TOO MUCH! Give the girl a chance to miss you a little...

Maybe you should cut down to a more reasonable number?

blackiesharley · #11 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 04:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

Blackie!! That is TOO MUCH! Give the girl a chance to miss you a little...

Maybe you should cut down to a more reasonable number?

SHE'S the one that sends/calls ME.

vashti · #12 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 04:06 AM

Do you respond EVERY TIME?

blackiesharley · #13 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 05:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

Do you respond EVERY TIME?

Not immediately usually, when I have a chacne. But I don't NOT respond either.

blackiesharley · #14 (**permalink**) 25-05-06, 08:59 AM

We finally had a chance to talk on the phone a bit uninterupted tonight.

All is good. Here are some of her quotes:

'I want the same thing you do, to take this as far as it goes.'

'We're on the same wave-length'

'If we're going 100 mph hour or two mph that's fine, let's let nature take it's course and not hit either the gas pedal or the brakes in this relationship.'

'I feel the same way about you that you do me, we're together.'

'If I didn't have this thing to do this weekend I would be at your place in a heartbeat. I'll be there next weekend.'

She also explained the lack of communication this week. The bosse's wife has been sitting right under her all day in the office. I suggested that if she had mentioned that, I wouldn't have been concerned.

I also suggested that perhaps we do need to stop and verbalize things more often to avoid these misunderstandings. Although we have a wonderful non-spoken communication. (One day at McDonalds drive-through a few weeks ago, she took my hand and kissed it, then stared me in the eyes for a minute. I said 'Yeah. Me too.' She smiled.) I think we're at the point where we do need to talk a bit more though.

I ended the conversation with '(her name) we can work everything out.' Her answer was 'of course we can.'

All looks good. Keep your fingers crossed. I have renewed faith.

Gigabitch · #15 (**permalink**) 27-05-06, 04:22 AM

BH, I don't know you very well, but from what I can see, you get really worried for no good reason a lot. I think you need some emotional equivalent of "counting to ten" before you get so worried.

You're gonna wear her out with your chronic need for reassurance.

I know of what I speak.