what to do now?

[the_lady]

i've been in love with this guy (lets call him steve) ever since i remember. one day i got the courage to tell him how i felt, but apparently it wasnt the right time, or whatever i dont know...anyway, he told me that he needed time to work out his feeling towards me, so i gave him time.

but now things get so complicated, cos his mother is ill...she has cancer (and it's bad), and his father is also sick (for something else) i know it's a terrible sock for his family. it's been months now...but his reaction towards me becomes so different, he completely ignores me now, since i visited his mother in hospital. i dont know why. i took a flight to overseas just to visit her mum, but he didnt show any appreciation at all...in fact he seems like he doesnt like my visit there,

i dont wanna rush him to tell me how he feels towards me, cos i know this isnt the right time, but i hate the feeling of being ignored like this...everything that i've done seems to be wrong in his eyes. i dont know what i'm supposed to do...i really love him,..i do...but he pushes me out from his life, when all i ever want is to be there for him, in a time like this, cos i've been really good friends with him. what should i do?? i miss him so much, but he seems to avoid me somehow...

[Ellynn]

Ok, as someone who has a mom who is ill with cancer and a father who is dead, I know how he feels. It's VERY overwhelming! Honestly, I think the last thing he is worrying about right now is a relationship. Don't take it so personal, its just the circumstances of everything going on. His mind is on his parents, and trust me, that can take up a lot of time! Right now they are his first priority.

All you can really do is offer to be there for him if he ever needs anything and to just let him have his space. I know I have isolated a few people in the process of dealing with my dad's death and my mom's illness, but its just how I cope. I keep thinking about how limited time is with my mom. I really had a wakeup call when losing my dad suddenly two yrs ago. So, I feel this time with my mom is VERY important! I feel I have the rest of my life for anyone else.

I think this is how he feels. He's going thru alot, and just try not to take it personal. Ok? Just give him time and space.

Time and space.

[the_lady]

yes...i think so...i know all i have to give him is time and space. but this is the problem: i feel like just a hello for him is seen so negatively. for some reason it's just too much for him. maybe he feels like i'm trying to woo him or pressuring him to answer me or something...whatever man...i can feel that he HATES my presence. how long should i possibly wait for him to go back like he was before? and in the mean while, what should i do? should i leave him alone? his mum's sickness is something that just doesnt heal in a short time...i even wonder now that maybe he uses this reason to "refuse" me, maybe this is his way of telling me that he doesnt want me. i'm so confused rite now. what would u do if u are in my position?

[the_lady]

btw ellyn, i'm so sorry to hear that ur mum is sick of cancer...i can only pray for her from here, i hope u can get thru it...steve also

[thinker]

I can't speak from any sort of experience with this one... can't imagine the immense multitude of what is going on in his head atm...

I can say though (i've been in similar situaitions, not quite as serious however) that it very much depends. I am the type of person who would push you away violently and ultimately want nothing more than some comfort and compassion... sometimes I show my appreciation and love by being a jackass and cold and ignoring people... funny, no? I would really take Ellynn's advice though; his priorities are certainly not on a romantic relationship right now, but he may be afraid to ask for a friend... I would agree that you should just let him know you are there for him if he ever needs... but if I were him, I would never be big enough to ask for help or a friend to talk to... sorry this is inconclusive... but to play safe, yeah, just stand on the sidelines for now and offer comfort without being intrusive...

[vashti]

He probably is looking at you as yet one more person who is needing/wanting something from him, and yes, he is probably overwhelmed. I think you should leave him alone. The timing is just awful.

[Gigabitch]

When I am in pain, I want everyone to piss off and leave me alone. Don't talk to me, don't look at me. Certainly don't expect anything from me.

You should back off immediately. You're going to piss him off.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

When I am in pain, I want everyone to piss off and leave me alone. Don't talk to me, don't look at me. Certainly don't expect anything from me.

Yeah, it's a thing called P.M.S.


I think most women experience these feelings. Get a therapist anyway.

[the_lady]

Quote:

Originally Posted by thinker

sometimes I show my appreciation and love by being a jackass and cold and ignoring people... funny, no?

Yes, it's strangely funny, thinker. but WHY would u do that? thinking abt it, he IS being a jackass and ignoring all his friends. including me. he upsets me alot. my friends (who helped me book a plane ticket and organised all my stay in overseas to visit his mum in hospital), were furious abt it. they said that whatever the reason is, and no matter how sad he is, he should at least say a little "thank you" for me coming there, at least as a friend. i was sooo crossed when i saw him in the hospital with his mum and the rest of the family, he didnt even smile or say hello to me. he was so quiet, and always walked infront of me (leaving me behind)
WHAT is my fault? i came sooo far away just to visit his mum, and all i got is THIS ! then i emailed him few days later after i got back from visiting his mum, asking why he acted that way. he said he would reply my email...but he didnt reply it at all, i waited for a week, and he didnt do anything. so i told him "forget it". hah.