Is this true love or not? Advice gladly accepted :) - Love Forum

SeventhStar · #1 (**permalink**) 27-07-06, 06:12 PM

Hey everyone long time reader, but here for the first time with a request for advice

I've been out with a girl all through college, four and half years before it ended due to distance. Originally we both planned to move out to California and at the last minute she bailed. She promised to come three more times with in a period of a year and she bailed on all of those times too. Part of it is her parents weren't keen on her moving to California because she didn't have her life in order. The other part of it was she was scared. Everntually I broke up with her, but not due to anger. More because of the situation. It's been nearly seven months and she is back in California visiting her family.

Before I knew she was coming I thought a lot about her. Maybe because I have been with other girls, but none of them struck me like she did. Or maybe because there's something deep between us. While we were in college we did everything together, even lived together. But most importantly there's a deep soulful connection I have with her that I have never felt with anyone else. It's like we mesh together perfectly. I wish I could explain it better in words, but its like there is something about her that makes her feel completely perfect for me.

So now I'm deciding if I should pursue her again. If I should try to get her back. I guess on the pro side she's the only woman from the moment I met where there was an instant spark and we fell in love. On the negative side she's uncertain about her life and scared to try new things. I on the other hand am pretty adventurous and I have my life put together. Well that is except for her.

If anyone has any advice or comments I'd love to hear it. And thanks for listening to my little tale!

#2 (**permalink**) 27-07-06, 09:51 PM

Don't pursue her. She doesn't have her life in order, and you shouldn't be in it unless it changes.

Sami09 · #3 (**permalink**) 27-07-06, 10:01 PM

what do you mean she doesnt have her life in own is it a career if that the

only problem thats not a big deal if she working on it. good luck i think you

should really talk to her

SeventhStar · #4 (**permalink**) 27-07-06, 11:41 PM

It's like she doesn't have a clear direction in her life for her career and so forth. She has always struggled with that because her parents want her to do one thing while she doesn't want to do it.

vashti · #5 (**permalink**) 27-07-06, 11:58 PM

I wish I had a crystal ball, but since I don't, I don't know how to answer this. You still care for her, and she (I assume) still cares for you. What have you got to lose? (except perhaps a bit more time, which you have since you are young)

Gigabitch · #6 (**permalink**) 28-07-06, 12:48 AM

Well, of course she is scared to try new things. It sounds like her family treats her like a baby, when she must be at least 22.

It's pretty hard to fight the family. They've been working on her all of her life, and you only had 4 years. Until she's ready to break away from them, you're probably not going to have much luck.

Just remind her that you're there for her if she needs you. Maybe she'll make a decision for herself.

SeventhStar · #7 (**permalink**) 28-07-06, 09:05 AM

vashti - yeah we both are kind of young, we're 24 so I guess I do have a lot of time ahead of me.

Gigabitch - you hit the family thing dead on they try to control her life and I don't know if she's ready to break away from them just yet.

Thanks for the advice everyone and please keep it coming!

Frasbee · #8 (**permalink**) 28-07-06, 09:41 AM

Hell, why not, go for it, this way I can live vicariously through you if things go well.

If they don't, then this post doesn't exist.

Prodigal · #9 (**permalink**) 28-07-06, 05:05 PM

I agree with vashti. If you don't do it, you might end up regretting it...

SeventhStar · #10 (**permalink**) 28-07-06, 11:41 PM

Thanks for the advice and encouragement everyone! I'm going to go for it and take a chance. Wish me luck and I'll let you guys know what happened.

SeventhStar · #11 (**permalink**) 29-07-06, 04:57 PM

OK everyone I did it. I called her up and saw her. It was a great evening just talking to her and seeing her. Although there is a new problem she has a "boyfriend" that she met mostly online. While I was holding her and beginning to kiss her she let me know. When she explained her new so she said she was lonely and he said nice things to her. She also said she doesn't know if she loves him.

So the night continued over conversation and coffee. I was a little shocked by the whole thing, but somewhere inside I can see she still has feelings for me. I proposed the idea about getting back together and she said she was confused about things.

I'm not sure how to take it next. I feel like there might be a chance. In my heart I know I have to go for it, but what should I do? Please Please Please send your suggestions.

Ellynn · #12 (**permalink**) 29-07-06, 05:16 PM

Well, I would let her know your interested, but give her some space and let her figure out what she wants. Tell her that if she wants to be with you to give you a call.

But, yeah, definately give her space.

Frasbee · #13 (**permalink**) 30-07-06, 01:03 AM

Ellynn said it.

Make it clear you're interested, but give her obvious space.

SeventhStar · #14 (**permalink**) 30-07-06, 04:26 PM

Space sounds like a good idea you guys. How much do you think I should give?

Frasbee · #15 (**permalink**) 30-07-06, 11:53 PM

Aboooout.

This___________________________________much.