Does my best friend love me? If so, can I ignore it?

[lissa]

My most platonic guy friend of 4 years and I recently hooked up when we were drunk. It was nice at the time, but I don't want anything from him like that. I am happy being his friend. But I suspect he may feel differently.

I told him about this other guy I've been interested in, and how I thought this guy would probably go for me since this guy is cute, but not TOO cute for me. (hehe kind of a dumb thing to say)

He said to me "Do you really think there is a guy out there who wouldn't want to be with you?" Of course I know there are plenty that wouldn't want to be with me, but I think from his POV he couldn't imagine it?? Or maybe he was just being supportive and nice?

Other little things have changed, like when he is drunk he gets really touchy with me, and he's been asking me to do things with him alone more - go to games together, movies etc.

I dunno, is the When Harry Met Sally thing true - that guys and girls cannot be friends because sex/relationship will get in the way? If so, would it be totally insensitive of me to completely ignore it and hope he gets over it or should I confront him and let him know how I feel?

[Ellynn]

I say honesty is the best policy. I mean why string the poor guy along? You two hooked up and then you realized what a mistake it was. So, nows the time to let him know what you honestly feel. If you don't want to be more then friends, then don't. Don't let him hold your hand or kiss you....or any of that other mushy stuff.

There are cases where some males and females (both straight that is) can be friends. I guess it depends on the two people. Personally I have really never been close friends with a guy without having some type of feelings, especially if he was single! Now there are some exceptions. I am friends with a few of my friends bf's, but I have never saw them as more then friends. I think its the fact that they are taken that possibilities with them never cross my mind. But if they are single guy friends, looking back, yeah I've had feelings at one point or another.

[thinker]

To answer your title question; No and Yes. Simple as that.

Fact: You made out with this guy.

Stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. I don't care how hammered you were, you "hooked up" and had intimate physical contact. Friendship= game over. Sorry. YOU screwed this one up, hun. Guys cannot just be friends with attractive girls. Period... especially someone who has made out with them. Solution? Don't get drunk! Duh... don't be around this guy with your brain off. He is lovey-dovey becuase he cannot think, but you still remeber it and think about it later... which brings the old awkwardness into things as you're sober... basically there is no way you can be good, close friends (honest friends) with this guy; YOU messed that one up by mackin it with his drunk ass. I have lots of female "acquaintences" that are very attractive, and I know I could not get too close to them withhout developing some sort of feelings towards them. Now, I have lots of good freinds that are female, who aren't un-attractive, just not my type and maybe there's something about them that really turns me away... basically men cannot overlook that capacity in females and just be friends, unless we are gay, and sounds like this guy is not. I know, I know, it's all soap opera romantic "ooh, my best friend loves me and I never knew, how soap opera romantic..." bah. You played some tongue hockey, and by not telling him whats going on, you are just lifting him higher and higher before you drop him on his face. Don't do that, it really sucks for us. Take some time off and find a relationship with someone you don't know so well. This thing with the buddy will not work out, I can tell you from being a guy. Sorry.

[Gigabitch]

Emotionally irresponsible, see-what-you-want-to-see rotten girl!

You remind me of myself in my early twenties.

You're breaking his heart. No more drinking with him. You'll end up with him singing to you on your lawn at three in the morning, and one of these days, the guilt will kick in and you'll realize you led him on.

[vashti]

I don't think straight men and women really CAN be only friends if they are single. I think there is always some level of sexual curiosity lurking in the background.

Anyway, no - you can't stay friends with him. I think he may have feelings for you, and it is wrong to string him along, all the while him thinking he might have a chance someday if he is just reaaalllyyy nice.

[thinker]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

I don't think straight men and women really CAN be only friends if they are single. I think there is always some level of sexual curiosity lurking in the background.

The nail has been hit on the head.

Well, there has to be some factor of attraction and attractiveness in here... I do have close female friends who, not to say that they're ugly, but are just not my type at all... I see them as cousin-type pretty... However, the other 95% of cases, yes, there will be some sort of attraction involved and the power of it varies by case. Sooner or later, as the "friendship" progresses, one (or both) members will want more and feel more and well, 2+2=4 (man+woman=love) will come up. This is why I need to meet lots of hot lesbian girls to hang out with... that would be heaven.

[Gigabitch]

I think you're in the wrong forum, then.