no dates! - Love Forum

sachi · #1 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 04:28 AM

I'm back again. Last month I posted about feeling like I'm competing with my boy's friends.

I guess I need a lot of affirmation or something, because sometimes I feel like I'm taken for granted.

I feel like I spend equal amount of time with him as his friend Meghan does. The bitch pisses me off. They are really close friends and well, they've known each other for a while now (a year). I guess she's alright because I get the impression that he asks her for advice about our relationship from time to time.

What pisses me off the most is that we rarely go out. He went to a movie with his friend Meghan last night and I think to myself: Hmmmm WE have never gone to movies together. We just hang out at his place all the time. I'm sick of that. In the two months we've been dating, he's never actually asked me out on a "date". I have a major problem with not saying what I want, so I'm really going to make an effort to bring this up. My guy is just so damn ignorant and he can't tell that when I'm silent, I'm usually ****ing pissed about something.

Another thing that makes me feel like I'm taken for granted is that he never DOES anything for me. I love cooking and baking so I bring him cookies and stuff now and then, but it took my pushing him for 3 weeks to do some work on my computer that took TEN MINUTES. Also, he never comes to my house, it's always his. He's not very thoughtful either, because say if we're lining up together and he gets his food first, he won't stand around and wait for me as I would do with even the most distant of friends.

Yeah, he is ridiculously LAZY. I'm applying for medicine next year and he's changed his major TWICE (comp sci --> English --> cognitive systems) and he's working the most low-end job right now while I'm working hard to make connections with doctors and professors.

It's so frustrating - I don't see this working in the long term, but when we are alone I really enjoy his company and we have a lot of fun. But he never says that he loves me and so I'm beginning to doubt that he does.

TAVS · #2 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 04:31 AM

Why are you seeing him again?

vashti · #3 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 04:42 AM

You sit at home while he goes to movies with other girls? WTF???

There is nothing in your post that justifies your continuing to see him. I think a dog would make equally good company, would be more loyal, and you wouldn't have to work as hard to impress it.

You are going to medical school - now is a good time to think about what a drag he will be while you are working so hard.

PS - you will be going to school with future DOCTORS, many of whom I am sure are available. Don't you think you could do better?

sachi · #4 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 04:56 AM

Well he's a very intelligent and funny guy - we have a lot of fun together...

We're going to the fireworks together tonight and afterwards I'll have a chat with him. If things don't improve, I'm going to break it off.

Freeway3137 · #5 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 05:30 AM

Uh oh!! Hope I dont mess up tonight! Please dont break it off with me!!

vashti · #6 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 06:42 AM

What? Is that supposed to be a joke, or do we have another couple posting?

Freeway3137 · #7 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 06:45 AM

haha sorry sachi, I had to do it!

sachi · #8 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 08:28 AM

i don't really have any problem with him going to movies with this friend of his. Should I? I mean, I'm always going out with friends during the evenings, and something he may feel awkward if he came along, so I don't invite him.

Freeway3137 · #9 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 08:32 AM

wait but why would he always be going to the movies with this girl? To me, that seems like a place where you take a date... I dont see why he wouldnt invite you as well? Unless they're movie critics, I think something else is going on, maybe not like physical contact but more like feelings for one another?

Gigabitch · #10 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 08:47 AM

It's really about how he treats you, not his friendship with Meghan (although that bitch would piss me off too).

I give him a grade of C-. He should be on relationship probation.

Are you considering interviewing other candidates?

thinker · #11 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 09:09 AM

Yeah, everyone who says that you are waaay better than this guy is completely right. Never settle, which is what you are doing... There are men out there who want to treat you like a princess, go find them! They are probably in med school

So yeah, I would have a long talk and just tell him how you see it; use the facts; just the one about him going to the movies with ANOTHER GIRL would be enough for me to want to kick his ass... He is absolutely not pulling his line in this relationship, and you really deserve better.

Now, about the hard to speak your mind bit you mentioned... I am exactly like that, when I am silent I am usually pissed

All I can ask of you is to really just slowly work on letting little things out once in a while; your quietness will make life very very difficult for you later on! In new relationships, start having "talk" times or just come out with what you think, no matter how insignificant you think it is. Start getting into the habbit of expressing your feelings, becuase you will onyl hurt yourself later on in life. Trust me

Sami09 · #12 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 09:43 AM

listen megan i think that your name i understand what you are going though. my bf seen to be hanging out all the time with this gay guy . at first it didnt piss me of now it seen like they are always going out with coffee he will even cut are eveing short and he says cause he cares about me and doesnt want to get tired me and boy have dated for a while. i guess waht i am sayin trust your bf is he havent done anything wrong then you need to trust him and also ask when he going to take you to the movies or out for dinner.

blacksun · #13 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 10:43 AM

Check out the engineering department

If you cant find a smart funny and successful guy there.... then you must either be incredibly ugly or there is something else seriously wrong with you.

sachi · #14 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 05:34 PM

Well we cleared things up today and things are going really well! I'm pretty new to relationships and I'm learning a lot from this one. Even if we don't end up together in the long run, I'm learning to be more open with my thoughts and feelings =)

I've compared how he treats me and I treat him. Well, I don't have any really close guy friends like he has Meghan, but I have a lot more friends than he does and I socialize a lot apart from him. Haha, I would probably treat this situation a little differently if the bitch wasn't going back to Australia in a couple weeks. Sure, I'm still jealous, but looking back, he has thought of me constantly. From the start he has invited me out most of the times he is out with her and his other coworkers. Plus, we're very open talking about exes and the like - i tell him when guys approach me in coffee shops and he tells me about coworkers he turns down. I was really pissed when I wrote this post and I failed to mention that after he went out with her that day, he invited me to join them that evening.

At first I disliked his always socializing with her and other coworkers, but since I'm always studying/working, it keeps him out of my hair. My first bf always wanted to spend time with me (like everyday after classes + during breaks) and it irritated the hell out of me. I need a little separation and my down-time by myself.

And I figured that it's not that he doesn't do anything for me, it's just that I keep silent and don't say what I want. Believe it or not, saying things in words can actually get points across. </sarcasm>

b*tch · #15 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sachi

I'm back again. Last month I posted about feeling like I'm competing with my boy's friends.

I guess I need a lot of affirmation or something, because sometimes I feel like I'm taken for granted.

I feel like I spend equal amount of time with him as his friend Meghan does. The bitch pisses me off. They are really close friends and well, they've known each other for a while now (a year). I guess she's alright because I get the impression that he asks her for advice about our relationship from time to time.

What pisses me off the most is that we rarely go out. He went to a movie with his friend Meghan last night and I think to myself: Hmmmm WE have never gone to movies together. We just hang out at his place all the time. I'm sick of that. In the two months we've been dating, he's never actually asked me out on a "date". I have a major problem with not saying what I want, so I'm really going to make an effort to bring this up. My guy is just so damn ignorant and he can't tell that when I'm silent, I'm usually ****ing pissed about something.

Another thing that makes me feel like I'm taken for granted is that he never DOES anything for me. I love cooking and baking so I bring him cookies and stuff now and then, but it took my pushing him for 3 weeks to do some work on my computer that took TEN MINUTES. Also, he never comes to my house, it's always his. He's not very thoughtful either, because say if we're lining up together and he gets his food first, he won't stand around and wait for me as I would do with even the most distant of friends.

Yeah, he is ridiculously LAZY. I'm applying for medicine next year and he's changed his major TWICE (comp sci --> English --> cognitive systems) and he's working the most low-end job right now while I'm working hard to make connections with doctors and professors.

It's so frustrating - I don't see this working in the long term, but when we are alone I really enjoy his company and we have a lot of fun. But he never says that he loves me and so I'm beginning to doubt that he does.

Sachi,

This is a very weird situation. If I were you, I will drive that bitch away. My fear is, she will cross the bridge and you will be left crying! I heard a lot of crap like this!

Since you said he is lazy, why bother to hold him? Aw, dump him and pick someone who's worth it.