i dont know what to do - Love Forum

Painfulheart · #1 (**permalink**) 02-08-06, 04:24 PM

Thng is its complicated, i reallly like this girl
*we are both in same uni course
*we had time to talk last semster, now we dont
*she has a boyfriend (and in no way do i intend to break them up)
*since our break ive been avoiding her, eyes and contact (dunno what to do)
*ive seen her looking at me trying to catch my eye, she even came over to say hi to me today

I know i cant have a relationship with her (atm) what i thinks wrong is that i miss our friendship cos my feelings for her are stoping me being a friend (sorta like i dont want to ruin a relationship chance in future)

What i want to do is say hey, lets sit and talk for a few hours (even if others are around) but i cant (i feel like she may think i wanna be more than friends atm) i do, but wont cos of bf

Im quite sure she knows i have a crush, and im extremely sure she likes me (friend) and maybe is a little interested

i want to do it all face 2 face, no real question, please say what you would do if u were me.

#2 (**permalink**) 02-08-06, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Painfulheart

*we are both in same uni course
*we had time to talk last semster, now we dont
*she has a boyfriend (and in no way do i intend to break them up)
*since our break ive been avoiding her, eyes and contact (dunno what to do)
*ive seen her looking at me trying to catch my eye, she even came over to say hi to me today

Just don't. You have feelings for her, and the way it should be is that she doesn't have feelings for you. I suggest you get over her and find a new girl.

Gigabitch · #3 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 12:37 AM

For all you know, she's very unhappy with her bf and is looking around for something else. It's not your responsibility to protect their relationship. I'm not saying you should TRY to break them up, but avoiding her completely just because you think she "belongs" to someone else is silly.

I think you should make yourself available for her to approach- sounds like she's not shy, so if she wants to, she will. You don't necessarily have to say, "Hey, let's talk for a few hours." It will just happen.

vashti · #4 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 01:00 AM

I agree with giga. This girl isn't married, and while I don't think you should actively pursue her, that is more for your peace of mind than anything else. I think it is okay for you to tell her that you really think you like her, and to tell her it's too bad about that boyfriend... You know, plant the seed. If she really loves her boyfriend, there isn't anything you can do to split them up.

#5 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 01:11 AM

Yes.. take note that the two above are both female.

If you were dating a girl and the same thing happened, would you not be pissed off? That's just what I was keeping in mind.

Female: Hey, Nick! Some other guy that you don't know likes me.... He planted his seed in me.

Me: ?!

blacksun · #6 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 10:48 AM

All is fair in love and war. Frankly if a girl dumped me for a nother guy yeah id probably be pissed but it also means she wasnt the one. So yeah go for it. If you start taking other guys feelings into account (people you dont even know) then you should never ever go after a single girl because you might hirt or annoy someone.

thinker · #7 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 11:55 AM

Eh, why do people want to be with someone who steals them away/gets stolen away from someone else? Doesn't anyone else find that unattractive?

Yeah. Deal is, she is not available. Period.

About the "all's fair in love and war" statement... rubbish btw... By "stealing" her away, you would just be showing yourself to be incredibly immature and by her being stolen, she would be showing herself to be an airhead... I dont mean to chastize you, lol you're not even the one suggesting these things! ::bad forum members::

I think though that trying to be around her as a friend all the time will only hurt you. The whole proximity without intimacy deal... Probably not the smartest thing to blurt out how you feel... though that IS in your arsenal if you feel risky one day

Yeah, just try to keep your mind off things; I'm sure there are other cute girls around that would be great for you. Oh, and if she IS flirting with you WHILE SHE HAS A BF... red light ->STAY AWAY... she will do the SAME THING with you! Again, why do people find that so attractive? We all need to think with our brains, not our egos sometimes... self included

Sami09 · #8 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 01:18 PM

is that how people feel just cause she not marriage he shouldnt purse her she in a relationship. If she unhappy she should break up with her bf and then from there she can decide if she wants to date you. i feel this way cause i am in a relationship i wouldnt want some girl trying to purse my man just cause he isnt marriage doesnt mean he isnt of limits

b*tch · #9 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Painfulheart

Thng is its complicated, i reallly like this girl
*we are both in same uni course
*we had time to talk last semster, now we dont
*she has a boyfriend (and in no way do i intend to break them up)
*since our break ive been avoiding her, eyes and contact (dunno what to do)
*ive seen her looking at me trying to catch my eye, she even came over to say hi to me today

I know i cant have a relationship with her (atm) what i thinks wrong is that i miss our friendship cos my feelings for her are stoping me being a friend (sorta like i dont want to ruin a relationship chance in future)

What i want to do is say hey, lets sit and talk for a few hours (even if others are around) but i cant (i feel like she may think i wanna be more than friends atm) i do, but wont cos of bf

Im quite sure she knows i have a crush, and im extremely sure she likes me (friend) and maybe is a little interested

i want to do it all face 2 face, no real question, please say what you would do if u were me.

Painfulheart,

Hello there! This is very interesting! You are torn between to say some words or just shut up. Hmm, it's very obvious that you had a feeling to her because of "what and if". The good thing to do is, invite her for a coffee. Then, all good things will follow am sure............

Anyway, goodluck to you! GOD BLESS!

thinker · #10 (**permalink**) 03-08-06, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sami09

is that how people feel just cause she not marriage he shouldnt purse her she in a relationship. If she unhappy she should break up with her bf and then from there she can decide if she wants to date you. i feel this way cause i am in a relationship i wouldnt want some girl trying to purse my man just cause he isnt marriage doesnt mean he isnt of limits

Absolutely. This is what relationships are for... otherwise it would all be one giant free-for-all battle royal... By being in a relationship, there are some implied commitments at hand, and if you are disrespectul enough to infringe upon those, then well, that's not good. Quite on the other hand, by respecting the way things are atm, even if a breakup is imminent, you would be showing your maturity and patience, rather than "me you now" type of deal... You don't just go around flirting with and going for other people's mates.

vashti · #11 (**permalink**) 04-08-06, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thinker

About the "all's fair in love and war" statement... rubbish btw... By "stealing" her away, you would just be showing yourself to be incredibly immature and by her being stolen, she would be showing herself to be an airhead... I dont mean to chastize you, lol you're not even the one suggesting these things! ::bad forum members::

Your use of the word "stealing" sort of implies that she is property rather than an actual person capable of exercising free will. She doesn't "belong" to someone simply because she is dating him, and you guys (and girls) shouldn't be getting too comfy with the idea that you own someone when you aren't even married.

I don't think anyone said (or implied) that the original poster should "steal her". On the contrary, we explicitly said he should not. But to let her know that someone else likes her (should things not work out with the boyfriend) IS fair game in my book. You can't steal the heart of a girl who is in love with her boyfriend. Besides, all he would be doing is stating the obvious. Healthy people KNOW they have options.

But I will agree that this poster shouldn't actually DATE her until she is rid of the last guy, and if she were willing to date a guy when some sort of exclusivity arrangement had been made with someone else, her character should be questioned.

Gigabitch · #12 (**permalink**) 04-08-06, 05:08 AM

Maybe women should all be forced to wear color-coded clothing to indicate to men their availibility from two blocks away. Then, if you were wearing the "taken" color (red, of course) every male person would have to stay 50 feet away from you at all times and could be jailed for making eye contact.

thinker · #13 (**permalink**) 04-08-06, 07:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Maybe women should all be forced to wear color-coded clothing to indicate to men their availibility from two blocks away. Then, if you were wearing the "taken" color (red, of course) every male person would have to stay 50 feet away from you at all times and could be jailed for making eye contact.

Ok, veeeery funny everyone...

Well, in MY book, it is NOT ok to hit on someone who is dating someone else... I never meant to imply terms of "property", that is just sadistic...

Being in a relationship comes with a certain amount of commitment, and that varies with the level of the relaitonship. If two people are dating, they are commited to only be seeing eachother, and flirting or anything else is a breach of that commitment. Ok, there are no written rules, but I know that I would be crushed if someone I was dating even held hands with a guy or made little flirty gestures, not because I'm possesive (I'm actually not) but that it would hurt me to know that she may be incubating feelings for someone else, which I do not think is ok. Am I the only one out there who wants someone who wants me back? What is the point of dating and being in relationships if there is no commitment and you are free to flirt and build standing with anyone whom you like? I, for one, would expect that someone in a relationship with me is only interested in me and would not even think about doing anything with another guy. Maybe thats just me...

vashti · #14 (**permalink**) 04-08-06, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thinker

I, for one, would expect that someone in a relationship with me is only interested in me and would not even think about doing anything with another guy.

..and if she feels this way about you, then finding out that someone else thinks she is attractive won't phase her. If it does phase her, she isn't the right girl for you.

Gigabitch · #15 (**permalink**) 04-08-06, 07:17 AM

I think my problem was with the phrase STAY AWAY. This, to me, means he's not even allowed to talk to her, which I think is ridiculous.

There is a line between appropriate and innappropriate behavior when one is involved in a relationship. Holding hands is a definite no-no. Flirting? Maybe- depending on what's said. Of course it would be crushing to have someone cross that line behind your back, but can you even imagine what it would be like to trust someone not to?