have my cake or eat it?!

[Q?Mark]

Hello,

I have recently met a man, and we have become very close, and make each other happy- I think in time it could be love. He seems interested to start a relationship, and I would like it too, I think, but I have reservations, and I was wondering your view.

Well, to be honest, the situation is, he is married, with 3 grown up sons. BUT, his wife and him stay together as friends, but really, for many years, they have not had a relationship of that sort, as he realised he was gay. His wife has a lover, and in the past, he has too. So his wife has no problem with him having a relationship.

But.. although I should like very much to be his partner, I also want to have marriage and kids, and that sort of thing. I guess I could do without marriage, but I really, very much, want children some day. He has already done all that, and I am quite a bit younger, and have not, and want it.

SO, I want the relationship, but I also want a family, and I struggle to choose. I have spoken to him about it, and he said it’s OK, he is happy for us to stay together for now, make each other happy in the presant, and when I meet the right guy, leave and have a family. So, so sweet and self sacrificing of him, but I really don’t think I can treat him that way, just leave him when I get a better offer!

Any suggestions? Much appreciated! x

[vashti]

Wow - you are in love with an older, married, gay guy who has 3 grown sons and wants no more?

Are you male or female?

[Gigabitch]

I think you should pursue the relationship. He can teach you all you need to know about the duplicitous life you'll have to lead to have your cake and eat it, too. I mean, just think of how many oldies-but-goodies he must have to keep the wife from suspecting anything. Maybe he can help with those terrible feelings of guilt for misleading someone so thoroughly that they pledge their life to you when you really only want hairy man-culo.

What the hell are you thinking?

[Venacava]

Yeah. Are you male or female?

[Prodigal]

Agree with Gigabitch completely. I honestly can't think of anything to add to that.

[Q?Mark]

I'm a man.

Sorry I didn't make that clear, and also that there is no deceipt- His wife doesn't suspect, she knows everything. As do his sons, and friends, and such like. Unusual I guess but it is the case

[vashti]

Are you SURE his wife and kids know about this? Because I am thinking this is a bit more than any typical family would be willing to tolerate.

Anyway, considering your differing stages of life, I think you ought to forget about this guy. You have a right to want a family, and he can't provide you with one. why would you waste your time on him? Besides, he sounds like he has some serious problems.

[Rosebud]

I would have to agree with vashti as well on this one. You already know what you want in the future and he cannot give this to you. Unless, you are just wanting to date and not have a serious relationship right now I would suggest not getting involved romantically with this older man.

[Q?Mark]

Hi

Thanks everyone. As far as I am aware, everyone knows about the situation. I am told that his wife has a lover. But yes, of course, I cannot be sure!

Yeah, I think I will probably hurt him more if I continue, perhaps. And that would be very unkind of me!

Thanks you all, I am thinking about it, but very inclined to go with your advice.

[Rosebud]

Well I hope things work out for you!

[Gigabitch]

Look, why don't you just hold out for the better offer NOW? Don't you want somebody who can give you 100%? Doesn't this guy make you feel a little like a plaything?

There are good guys out there. Guys closer to your own age. Think about what it is about this guy that attracts you- is it his level of experience? Would you feel that he would take care of you? What's the draw?

[Q?Mark]

Not too sure, Gigabitch, I feel like it's just about him, and I'd feel that way regardless of age, but who knows! Not me LOL! Yes, but I think you are all wise.. best leave it I think!
Thanks x