| Help me!!! This is a little long - I did it in Word to paste to here and just felt that writing it all out made me feel better. If you can read it and offer any advice, i'd be grateful. Here we go...
I’m 18 and finished my time at school in June 2006. In my last month at school, I met a year 11 (now a sixth former) who is 16, at the year 11’s prom, to which I did the technical operations for. The day before the event was setup day and the very first time I saw her, I went head over heels (not literally I must add!) At first, we exchanged smiles over those couple of days. I didn’t even know her name at this point. We spoke briefly. The first day back at school after the prom weekend, I managed to get her email/IM address. She went on study leave a few days later, so instant messaging became the only form of communication. Most days, we would speak using ‘MSN Messenger’. We were both really quite flirty on the internet. Her flirty attitude led to her asking for my mobile number. At this point I started thinking that we would soon being going out. I fancied her ‘properly’ now and thought she did to. I told friends about her attitude and they agreed with me and said I should ask her out. A couple of weeks passed and we continued getting to know each other. It was clear to me that we had a lot in common, we were both flirting and that in my eyes we were made for each other. And then one day, a friend of my age who is also a friend of hers, told me she had a boyfriend and had done for about 3 weeks. I was obviously broken hearted. I really was depressed, upset and basically just hurt.
By this point, I could admit to myself that I no longer fancied her, I loved. At the time, I was all over the place and just had to tell her how I felt. I still don’t regret that decision, but sometimes I do wonder if things would have been different now. We spoke on the internet and she said she was flattered but that she was in a relationship. I asked her if she never noticed me flirting (which was pretty obvious) and unfortunately she said no. At this point, it became clear she was just a naturally flirty person, which didn’t really help me as I thought we really were going somewhere. She still wanted to remain friends. I didn’t get any sleep that night, I could not stop thinking about her. The following few days were a little uncomfortable, and neither of us had seen one another since she went on study leave about a month ago. Anyway, about a week later, we were speaking on the internet as though nothing had happened and she mentioned she had finished with her boyfriend. A smile obviously came to my face, and I told her I was sorry for her and moved the subject on quickly.
We then continued to speak online for another month or so pretty much the same as before as friends. I then saw her again in person at a friends party and myself, her, her sister and their friend spent most the evening together, just chatting etc. Shortly before she went on holiday, I asked her if she felt ‘defensive’ towards me since she found out how I felt. She said no, and seemed genuine, but I still do think to this day she is defence mode when we talk, even though she isn’t at all shy. Anyway, about a week later, she went to Spain with her sister and two friends for a week, and then came home for a week, before jetting off to Spain again with her family for 4 weeks. There was no communication in that 4 weeks, and when she came back, I was on my holiday for another week, so 5 weeks in total. And we basically continued pretty much the same, chatting online once we were both back. She went back to school as a sixth form student at the beginning of September. I however, started working at school temporarily (and still do) in the IT department. I hope that I may get a permanent part time job there, and I am really quite desperate for the job. I feel I am that little bit ‘wanting’ the job because Holly (that's her name!) is there and it’s a way to see her. Obviously I love the job I do and I’m not that stupid to just stay there doing a job I hate just to see her.
I now see her most days, briefly or as I did the other day, for nearly 3 hours. I had to rebuild her new laptop she bought through the school and so this made way for a lot of communication. To date, I have known her for about 5 months and my feelings for her are serious ones. I do love her. I don’t tell her that though, although I’m sure she still realises I still’ fancy’ her. I think about her all the time and just cannot get her off my mind. Speaking to her is sometimes like torture because we get on so well and I’m thinking “I want you!” I’ve never had a girlfriend, but I’ve been told by a female friend that i’d “make an absolutely top notch boyfriend for the right girl.” And I think she is that girl.
She has said many times I’m very funny and my humour is very slapstick/sarcastic/cheesy and occasionally clever! It’s quite easy for me to make her laugh. Without trying to blow my own trumpet (!) I think I would be great for her as I’m talkative, not bad looking (I hope! Got to have a bit of self a steam) funny, always jolly round her, kind etc. I am a sociable person with personality described as ‘fantastic’ as I also like to make sure everyone else is happy. Sorry if that sounded vain! I’ve offered her a few lifts to school or other places, mainly when it was convenient that we were in the same place at the same time. And an example was she was at school late one day and I offered to take her and her sister home. She made up some excuse about her mum was picking them up and taking her sister to the doctors. However the other day, I was actually with her and her sister at school, and her mum was originally unable to pick them up. It started raining and I said I’d take them home, which they agreed to. But then their mum phoned 5 minutes before we were due to leave to say she was going pick them up! Very disappointing. That’s life though! It’s quite clear she doesn’t fancy me, yet is not shy around me at all and is a great laugh.
But I’m now reaching the point where all I want is her. The best thing in the world for me would to find out she fancies me. She is clever, funny, beautiful, kind, friendly… perfect if you asked me.
So what do I do now? I really want to ‘attract’ her, obviously. Do I talk to her – what do I say? Perhaps I should chat to her sister who I’m also friends with as they are quite close? As I said earlier, it’s a bit like torture on me as I see her most days at the moment and hopefully, so long as I keep working at school, I’ll prob keep seeing her. We still chat online, and I also chat to her sister online, but not as much. I have access to free tickets at the BBC and ITV (to go and see programmes being filmed – they are great fun, unique and you often see famous people.) Should I get tickets to go an see a comedy with her? I would say to her thought we would go as friends… would that be a good idea? I mean it’s not like we’d run the risk of running out of things to say, we can’t stop talking!
But yeah. Sorry that’s all long… just felt I needed to write it all down. Had made me feel a little better. Any suggestions? Please don’t give the standard “She doesn’t want you, move on” because I can’t/won’t give up on her. I just want her.
Thanks,
Matt
Last edited by mattS1988 : 07-10-06 at 03:49 AM.
Reason: Because it randomly said 'Holly' in so I thought I best make that name clear!
|
Linear Mode
