Found "the one"!! BUT...:(

[HurtDude]

I found her, the perfect girl.

Heres the thing, I met her at school but she told me she had a boyfriend of 7 years. Well seven years is no small feat for a relationship, so I just let it go. But I could tell there was something going on subliminaly. Long story short, her boyfriend lives back in her hometown across the country and she now goes to school here...where I am. So the more we got to know each other, the more we admitted how attracted we were to each other, and then hand holding turned into cuddling and cuddling turned into other things...and then finally about 4 nights ago we kissed. She is torn apart now, between her boyfriend and me.

Me...she met 3 weeks ago and has this insane love for.

Him...a relationship thats been going on for 7 years, but she says she is happy with him.



She is visiting him now, and she has not told him about me but she keeps sending me all these texts about how she'd rather be with me, or how she feels guilty being away from me...but not guilty when shes away from him.


We are both 20, and she will be back in 2 days. Ever since she left to see her boyfriend she's been hot and cold with me....one second sending me all these crazy texts and then other times just saying goodnight to me earlier than usual (but i have a feeling she'll send another one when I don't respond).

I have this eerie feeling that I'm going to get hurt, though I don't doubt her sincerity...in 7 years she has never cheated on her boyfriend until she met me. In fact I'm only the second person she has ever kissed. This girl is incredible and we have so much in common, and she frequently makes comparisons between me and her boyfriend, all of which make me sound better ie "my boyfriend is funny, but you just blow him away" or "he doesn't look at me the same way you do" or "hes not on my mind all the time, like you are".



I don't know what to do. I want her so badly, I need her so badly. she is absolutely perfect, or damn near close to it. Should I be distant to her while she is with her boyfriend? Should I make ultimatums? Should I sit back and wait?

Advice on how to keep her insane about me will be very welcome.

[jurupa]

So let me get this straight. You meet a girl in college that has been with this guy for 7 years, and she cheats on him with you.

Dude this is the wrong way to go about having a relationships. She may very well cheat on you if given the chance to.

[HurtDude]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jurupa

So let me get this straight. You meet a girl in college that has been with this guy for 7 years, and she cheats on him with you.

Dude this is the wrong way to go about having a relationships. She may very well cheat on you if given the chance to.

According to her, as soon as she met me...she felt as if for the last 7 years she has been walking around with only one eye open. in other words, by her own admission, she said "He's just all I've ever known, I have never explored elsewhere and never been attracted to anyone until I met you"

Maybe she and I belong to each other.

[NeoBullettime]

You do realise that what you're doing is very wrong? I mean, yeah, perfect girl, who wouldn't use the opportunity? But still, what you're doing is wrong. You're in some deep **** and it's going to be hard to crawl out.

[HurtDude]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeoBullettime

You do realise that what you're doing is very wrong? I mean, yeah, perfect girl, who wouldn't use the opportunity? But still, what you're doing is wrong. You're in some deep **** and it's going to be hard to crawl out.

She is in love with me. What can I do? She has begged me repeatedly to not just walk out on her.

[jurupa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HurtDude

According to her, as soon as she met me...she felt as if for the last 7 years she has been walking around with only one eye open. in other words, by her own admission, she said "He's just all I've ever known, I have never explored elsewhere and never been attracted to anyone until I met you"

Maybe she and I belong to each other.

You are extremely worng about that last sentence.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HurtDude

She is in love with me. What can I do? She has begged me repeatedly to not just walk out on her.

Drop her and run and don't look back while you still can.



I know what I have said is harsh, but she has told you why she is in "love" with you and not with her boyfriend any more. If you jump in a relationship with her you will be asking for trouble and nothing good will come out of it. She needs to be on her own and experience the world first hand and be free because she has been trapped since she was 13 years old and never been free and wants to be free. You be much better off letting her be than getting into a relationship with her.

[Lewski711]

So, this took place nearly a year ago. So, I'd love HurtDude to come back and update us on what's happened. Let me say this, though. Had this been more recent, I would have told you that you're setting yourself up for heartbreak. She's been with only one guy, same guy for 7 years. She's never known anyone else. Now, she's across the country, at school, meeting new people and experiencing situations she never knew existed. She's in a new state of discovery. She's trying to discover herself and trying on new personaes.

The excitement and proximity has gone out of her current relationship. She sees you. You're new and exciting, s she follows her passion. She gets involved with you. But, my friend, odds are she has these long, deep bonds with her boyfriend. Even if the excitement is gone, true love is what usually rises above the ashes.

Unless the two of you discover (after a significant amount of time) that it's more than passion, and it's love, she will eventually go back to her boyfriend, having "experimented" with someone else.

Is this a guarantee? No. True love has happened for folks in situations like yours, but it's rare. What I would do, is TRY not to get too emotionally attached (I know, easier said than done). And, try to see this as a good time. Let her call the shots. If she ends up breaking up with her guy and comes running to you, then you decide if this is something you want (which it seems, it is).

[Frasbee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeoBullettime

You do realise that what you're doing is very wrong? I mean, yeah, perfect girl, who wouldn't use the opportunity? But still, what you're doing is wrong. You're in some deep **** and it's going to be hard to crawl out.

Shut up bulletdodger.

I say go for it dude.

She ain't married.

Boyfriend/girlfriends break up all the time.

[HurtDude]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lewski711

So, this took place nearly a year ago. So, I'd love HurtDude to come back and update us on what's happened. Let me say this, though. Had this been more recent, I would have told you that you're setting yourself up for heartbreak. She's been with only one guy, same guy for 7 years. She's never known anyone else. Now, she's across the country, at school, meeting new people and experiencing situations she never knew existed. She's in a new state of discovery. She's trying to discover herself and trying on new personaes.

The excitement and proximity has gone out of her current relationship. She sees you. You're new and exciting, s she follows her passion. She gets involved with you. But, my friend, odds are she has these long, deep bonds with her boyfriend. Even if the excitement is gone, true love is what usually rises above the ashes.

Unless the two of you discover (after a significant amount of time) that it's more than passion, and it's love, she will eventually go back to her boyfriend, having "experimented" with someone else.

Is this a guarantee? No. True love has happened for folks in situations like yours, but it's rare. What I would do, is TRY not to get too emotionally attached (I know, easier said than done). And, try to see this as a good time. Let her call the shots. If she ends up breaking up with her guy and comes running to you, then you decide if this is something you want (which it seems, it is).

A year ago?

This happened like a few days Ago.

Your advice seems very sound. Emotions definitly cloud the mind.

[Henry123]

I wouldnt encourage to cheat but instead you got to communicate to her to adress the situation. She has to make a decision to whether to stay with her 7 year boyfriend or start a new relationship with you. Having a distance love relationship is difficult. If she isnt really happy with her 7 yr boyfriend then its really up to her what she wants to do. She's confused.

[vashti]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frasbee

She ain't married.

Boyfriend/girlfriends break up all the time.

I agree, and I would like to add that no 20 year old should be able to say they have have a boyfriend or girlfriend for seven years. It's just wrong.

If this girl likes you, and she is a decent girl, tell her to get rid of the old boyfriend so he can be free to date other people without guilt. She won't do it if she loves him.

[Gigabitch]

I think you're gonna get creamed. She's using you to end it with the Boyfriend. She's not as in love with you as she thinks she is. How could she be? She just met you! This is a full-blown infatuation, that's all, and those don't last.

You know what, though? Go for it. Go for it with your eyes open and your heart on your sleeve, because in a couple of years, when you get out of the Burn Unit, you'll give great advice here on LF.

[HurtDude]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

I think you're gonna get creamed. She's using you to end it with the Boyfriend. She's not as in love with you as she thinks she is. How could she be? She just met you! This is a full-blown infatuation, that's all, and those don't last.

You know what, though? Go for it. Go for it with your eyes open and your heart on your sleeve, because in a couple of years, when you get out of the Burn Unit, you'll give great advice here on LF.

Suffice to say, that is not what I wanted to hear.

[HurtDude]

if I were the girl in this situation...what advice would you give me?

[Arx Fatalis]

dont take any advice...live and learn if your in love with her..try and make it work

thats the best advice right there if your looking for any..dont EVER give up on anyone you love