What do you think? - Love Forum

jay12 · #1 (**permalink**) 09-10-06, 12:56 AM

A year ago I split with an ex and moved 200 miles (not entirely because of the split) to another city. Around 2 months ago I bumped into one of her friends which i couldnt believe, she'd moved down here for work, we chatted and had a drink and that was that for a few weeks.

Then i get a text from my ex's friend saying my ex is coming to visit her and has suggested that i meet up with them all, which i do and end up sleeping with my ex, after a few days of thought about my ex i was fully over her again and that was fine.

Ive since seen one of her friends more regularly and for the last two weeks weve met on friday lunchtimes for a drink, circumstance has made it that we havnt seen each other other than these times.But im really starting to like her, thinin abuot her a lot.

Thing is, will her loyalties to my ex prevent her from taking things further? Its just friends so far, and she doesnt really know a lot of people having just moved to town and may just see me as a friendly face ya know.

So, should i make a real move? If so how should i do it? Im seeing her again next Friday by the way, the way we talked about it its gonna be a thing with lots of other people there on a night out, but thats not definitely how it will be.

#2 (**permalink**) 09-10-06, 01:25 AM

No. I've dated a girl once, left her, and then went out with her friend before. Just because they're friends doesn't necessarily mean she's going to scream, "Holy shit! He's ****ed my friend before! I can't...."

It all depends on the girls, really.

vashti · #3 (**permalink**) 09-10-06, 02:34 AM

I think depending on how close this new girl is to your ex, she may very well say no.

jay12 · #4 (**permalink**) 09-10-06, 02:36 AM

Ok, i guess it does depend on the girls....thing is it wasnt just like we were dating, we were pretty intense at the time, it was over a year ago now though and my ex is miles away...but they were pretty close and this girl is a very nice person - which is what i like about her so much.

Anyway, i think im gonna go for it. . .im debating between - carrying on seeing her and hoping that something will happen rather than it going doin the friends route, or making a definite move of some sort, such as telling her exactly how i feel.

Any opinions?

vashti · #5 (**permalink**) 09-10-06, 02:38 AM

I think it is best to always be direct. That way, even if she rejects you, you will have some resolution.

Good luck.

sudheer · #6 (**permalink**) 09-10-06, 02:49 AM

You said you are meeting her for two Fridays now. How long has it been since you have a feeling for her? Spend more time with her, say 3-4 more meetings and if you convinced at that stage go ahead and tell her directly.

I maybe wrong here, but I feel you are just hot on it now. Give yourself some time to be sure as if you tell right away, it can have a bad effect not just on your possible relation but also on a budding friendship.

jay12 · #7 (**permalink**) 09-10-06, 08:50 AM

Sounds like good advice. Maybe I will hold back for the next week or so, email a bit this week, see her on friday - evening this time not lunchtime!! and see what happens and evaluate my feelings after that night. . . . .then come back here for advice!

Gigabitch · #8 (**permalink**) 10-10-06, 05:54 AM

Do you have any idea how your ex sees this situation? I'm just wondering if she got closure like you did or if she's back home, wishing you would call. That may have some impact on the other girl's decision.

For me, I would never go for someone who used to sleep with one of my friends, especially recently. Never.

jay12 · #9 (**permalink**) 10-10-06, 07:05 PM

Well i think i can be pretty sure that my ex had the same closure as i did...if not more. At the time of the break up i was the one who took it pretty badly, and she was the one who did the dumping, and it was a year ago.
But i guess you're never sure how people will feel in these situations.

vashti · #10 (**permalink**) 10-10-06, 10:00 PM

Well, that is definitely better than if you had been the one who did the dumping...

jay12 · #11 (**permalink**) 11-10-06, 08:40 PM

My ex just emailed me asking if id seen either of her friends that now live near me again. Im guessing shes heard that I have been seeing her and is a bit weirded out by it.

Mathias · #12 (**permalink**) 12-10-06, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jay12

My ex just emailed me asking if id seen either of her friends that now live near me again. Im guessing shes heard that I have been seeing her and is a bit weirded out by it.

Just how good of friends are you with your ex?

This sounds like a situation I'd be slowly backing away from.

Gigabitch · #13 (**permalink**) 12-10-06, 04:40 AM

^^^ Yeah, what he said.

jay12 · #14 (**permalink**) 12-10-06, 07:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mathias

Just how good of friends are you with your ex?

This sounds like a situation I'd be slowly backing away from.

Until about a month ago, i hadnt spoken to her for over a year. Then after seeing her that one time I didnt hear from her again until yesterday in said email.

I dont think its gonna work out though. Think maybe Il leave it and see if this girl contacts me.

Mathias · #15 (**permalink**) 12-10-06, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jay12

Until about a month ago, i hadnt spoken to her for over a year. Then after seeing her that one time I didnt hear from her again until yesterday in said email.

Yep, get the hell out of this situation.

This has ZERO advantage for you. You need to put yourself first here.