mind tangle - Love Forum

tangled · #1 (**permalink**) 12-10-06, 11:25 PM

heres the deal....i have been with my bf for almost 3 years now and have been happy for the most part. He is an amzing amazing person, but some things just arent right. we recently moved in together, with a couple other of our friends as well. Since we have moved in things have been going downhill to the point that I think I have lost attraction/interest in him. I do not think because we moved in that I now feel like this, however, I think that I have been able to really weigh out what I adore and what I dont in a clearer way. I have been battling these feelings for 4 months now. In addition to this battle in my mind, I think I am in love with one of my roomates, who I have been really close friends with for over 5 years now....much longer then I have even known my boyfriend. We have always had an amazing connection that has been realized more then juust he and i...... a number of our friends were convinced we were meant to be together. He has always been just my good friend and although I have been aware of these feelings, I have chose to ignore them for a number of reasons.

I would love to hear what anyone has to say about this.

vashti · #2 (**permalink**) 12-10-06, 11:30 PM

This is the bad part about living with boyfriends or girlfriends. It is more difficult to get rid of them when you realize it isn't a match, which let's face it - is most of the time.

So, what are you gonna do?

Gigabitch · #3 (**permalink**) 13-10-06, 12:02 AM

Wow. Potential for a really bad, scarring experience for your boyfriend, there.

Please be emotionally responsible. You could really do some damage. I think you should do something about your living situation and leave the whole roommate-crush thing ALONE. It sounds like it might be difficult to extricate yourself from that house, but you should try.

tangled · #4 (**permalink**) 13-10-06, 12:28 AM

I have aboslutely no idea what I am going to do.....IF i am going to do anything at all. Moving in wasnt such a big deal because we were going ot be living with 3 other people, so it wasnt liek THE BIG MOVE. If there is absolutely no potential for something to be created out of the 5+ year infatuation with my roomate/best friend then I feel like I will just stay with this guy because with a little work, it CAN be ok.

tangled · #5 (**permalink**) 13-10-06, 04:24 AM

thank you for that response. feelings, infatuation, i have it all and its been there for 5+ years. 5 years ago i without a doubt adored this person, although never let him know directly because of the lady in his life. From that point on we have been very good friends, tried the hook up thing once, but at the time it wasnt right for many reasons. I just look at him and see the qualities in a person that my BF doesnt have. We not only have been good friends but now live together and if anything, i have realized more how compatible we are. He and my bf are very good friends so this is a very very very hard istuation. I just dont see myself ever loooking at my bf in the same way that i thought i did 3 years ago, but i do see myself even now, looking at the friend in a more sincere, connective way then i do my bf.

horrible situation and i am a girl to play it safe so more then likely nothing will come out of this except a whole lot of thinking.

i appreciate the responses more then you know and am open to more!

sudheer · #6 (**permalink**) 13-10-06, 04:36 AM

Take one thing at a time and get moving.. Keep your crush out of the picture and review your relation. See if it makes sense for you to continue in your relation or not. If you think there is no reason to break it up, give your energy and time to try to build the relation up. If needed move to another place where you can spend more time with your bf and work on your relation.

If you decide that you need to get out of the relation, work on it with your best freind. He would understand the situation and help you best on how to get out, and in the process you both can build a relation with each other.