ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a **** about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding
I definitely fit that description.
TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.
Oh, I fit that one too, on occasion.
GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real ****ing weirdo, the type of person who'd kill them self to win a bet.
Nah, doesn't apply to me at all.
CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.
That one is way off.
LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.
That describes me very well at the moment.
VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.
I hate most preservatives, my boots are only of the highest quality, I bullshit if I can afford, and am selective as to what I hand over my hard earned cash for. So yeah, that's totally me.
LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.
I am definitely of the painfully honest. I like facing people I have issues with head on and don't like beating around the bush.
SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet
Nah, I suck at puzzles.
SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.
The arts? Eh, not so much, but can very mushy.
CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centered cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.
This is the persona I give most people a first impression of. So yes, it applies.
AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.
I was always bad at school, so no.
PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.
I don't see the best of any situation, I only try to achieve the best of any given situation. There's a difference.
So as you can see I'm clearly an...Aries, Taurus, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Sagittarius, and a Capricorn.
Booya.
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