Should I Stay? - Love Forum

Baked · #1 (**permalink**) 20-10-06, 04:13 AM

This is not really love advice, it's more like... moral advice, I guess.

This is the deal:
My girlfriend doesn't have a family, and she's on her own. We're both living at college, and this is where we met. We've been together for three months now, and the relationship is going perfectly.

My problem is this... during Christmas, she had been planing to be alone. Since she has no one to go to, she will be on her own, and it breaks my heart knowing that she'll have to spend Christmas Day and New Year's Eve by herself.

I have family on the other side of the country that I was planing to visit. I haven't seen my family since last Christmas. She can't afford a plane ticket to come with me, and I don't have the money to pay for it, either. Nor does my family. I get off school around the 15th of December, and I go back on the 6th of January. I was planing to spend from the 20th of December to the 2nd of January with my family, but after she told me that she'd be alone on Christmas, I have begun thinking about changing my plans.

She didn't give me any signs that she wanted me to stay; she told me straight up-front that she was going to be alone, and that this was fine with her. However, it's not fine with me. Therefore, I'm thinking about going home as soon as I get out of school, and come home around the 23rd to be with her during Christmas. When I asked her if she'd want that, she said that she'd feel guilty if I wasn't able to celebrate Christmas with my family. But it would certainly make me feel much, much worse, knowing that she'd be alone and miserable. Also, she has done so much for me in such little time, that I feel that this is the right thing to do.

I think the only thing "stopping" me for now is the fact that we've been together for a short time. Although we are very serious and committed to each other and our relationship, Christmas is still two months away, and who knows what could happen? I'm pretty sure it will last, but I'd feel like shit if I lost her and wasn't bale to change my reservation and had to be all alone myself on Christmas.

What's your input? What'd you do?

vashti · #2 (**permalink**) 20-10-06, 04:18 AM

How long has she been an orphan? It may well be that she is accustomed to being alone and doesn't mind, and there willprobably be other people at your school who are in the same position. She might be able to do something with them.

How disappointed would your parents be if you weren't there for Christmas?

Baked · #3 (**permalink**) 20-10-06, 04:26 AM

She lost her parents growing up, when she was an infant.
She still has some family that she used to spend christmas with, but there has been a huge amount of drama which has led to them not having any contact any longer. She doesn't even know where they live, nor does she want to know. And the feeling is mutual. This christmas will be her first christmas alone.

My family would be cool with it, as long as I came home to visit them. They'd be understanding and I guess they'd throw me a "Christmas Day" right before I went back to Indiana.

vashti · #4 (**permalink**) 20-10-06, 04:30 AM

Yeah, I think most people are sensitive about people who are alone on holidays. Your parents probably wouldn't mind too much. Tell them the situation, and tell them what you are thinking. They may even offer to come to YOU for Christmas. (That is what I would do.) Or, they may offer up another solution.

Baked · #5 (**permalink**) 20-10-06, 04:33 AM

But disregarding all other factors, and basing my decision only on the fact that I don't want her to be alone... would that be the "right thing to do"?

vashti · #6 (**permalink**) 20-10-06, 04:34 AM

What might be "wrong" about it?

Baked · #7 (**permalink**) 20-10-06, 04:35 AM

Nothing, I guess.
Thanks for the talk. I'll stay here.

vashti · #8 (**permalink**) 20-10-06, 04:37 AM

I think staying would be very considerate and a very meaningful gesture on your part. If you are asking if you are morally bound to do it, I would say no, particularly if you think your parents might be unhappy (since I assume they are paying for your education).

Gigabitch · #9 (**permalink**) 20-10-06, 11:53 PM

I agree with Aegis. Just cut your family visit short. She's got her own history with Christmas. Maybe she's not ready to share it with you. You don't know. I understand your concern and your instinct to take care of her, but you can't always do that.

Definitely call her that day, let her know you're thinking about her.

I've spent Christmas by myself before. It really wasn't that big a deal, but then, I'ts never been my favorite holiday. Maybe she feels the same.

anecdotoff · #10 (**permalink**) 24-10-06, 09:15 PM

You must stay

Please be so good and stay