Feelings for work girl

[Perfguy]

Hey guys/girls,

This is my first post. I'm a guy and have this dilema at work that is driving me crazy. Recently, for whatever reason, I started to develop these feelings for this girl at work. Funny thing is, she's been there for a while and now this is coming out. I feel ashamed about the whole situation because 1) we work together and with an office of almost all girls stuff goes around, fast and 2) She recently dumped her old bf of like 4 years and recently starting see this new guy that works in the next building.

Im at such a loss on what to do. Because of the reasons above I just want it to go away but the feelings are so strong, I cant stop thinking about her. The other day, we were in the back room together working on something and my heart started pounding so fast I grabbed my chest and had to take some deep breaths. of course, she asked what was wrong and I had to respond with "nothing".

I don't want to say anything to her because the last thing I want to do is creep her out. On top of it, I have had e-mail conversations with her and talked to her about stuff I never speak to the other girls about. She even once asked me to hook her up with the other guy when she was with the old bf because "she doesn't have a ring on her finger" I'm also worried about the whole just friends pitfall. I've been trying to analyse the e-mails to figure out if there's any chance for something. The biggest thing I've come across so far is she lied about her natural haircolor and age just to see what kind of girl I like. To make it worse, when I started asking about her new bf, she was like "I knew you would ask about him" and "why are you so curious about the new bf?" like she might already know - I know she is intuitive about this stuff because she asked if I liked this other girl at one point.

I can see so much potential for a great relationship with her. I'm kicking myself for not doing anything when she was between bf's but work situation stopped me. What do I do??

[gabriel.lai]

Opinion is something people can provide to you but the thing is your doubt on whether you are heading to the right direction of a relationship which you afraid you might screw out, alot of time you are the one who have to face the situation and handle it. If you think you have the potential to hook up with her then go ahead. To be honest, your action already tell her you want to hook up with her but just the thing is you haven't put it out from your mouth yet which she might seek for to determine whether is truth of not. She already point you her curiouscity of your question but the thing is whether you want or not to review it. Don't be afraid to lose or say waiting for the right time, alot of time just go ahead as simple as that. Wait will obviously let other guy to get ahead of you to hook up with her. Do what you can, you might end up with a surprise or rather stuck like a time bom just waiting for the right time to explode.

[derm]

Obviously we don't have the full details here but from what you have provided I wouldn't be fully convinced just yet she feels the same. It could be she is just being friendly and sees you as a good friend who she can confide in. You on the other hand seem to be falling in love with her!

Be very very careful or you could end up in a very awkyard situation with someone you have to work with on a daily basis. If it's not obvious enough that she's into you then she's probably isn't!

You need to sus her out more first. Check for signals of interest, dilated pupils etc. Does she flirt with you? Have someone else in the office find out (I know this is a little childish but it's bloody effective) and you need to know ASAP as you seem to be falling for her pretty bad

Also there is one other major thing you're forgetting. SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND!.........how do you intend to overcome this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perfguy

The other day, we were in the back room together working on something and my heart started pounding so fast I grabbed my chest and had to take some deep breaths. of course, she asked what was wrong and I had to respond with "nothing".

This was your perfect chance to say. I'm falling in love with you and my heart is pounding, jokingly, and see her reaction

[vashti]

If she is asking you to set her up with other guys, I think you are already in the "just friends" zone. Sorry.

[derm]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

If she is asking you to set her up with other guys, I think you are already in the "just friends" zone. Sorry.

I agree totally with you here Vasti............Makes a change eh!?

[Tone]

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

If she is asking you to set her up with other guys, I think you are already in the "just friends" zone. Sorry.

I agree but if you never go for it with her you're going to regret this for who knows how long.

It would be better for you mentally and emotionally to just go for it with her (while she's still in the early stages of just dating this new guy) - it would be better for you to just go for it with her, even if she rejects you. This way you can MOVE ON knowing that she's just not the one for you, know what I mean?

Whereas on the other hand you're going to be moping around for who knows how long always wondering "What if" and always kicking yourself for not just going for it (much like you were in this post)

So I say: Go for it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

[derm]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

I agree but if you never go for it with her you're going to regret this for who knows how long.

It would be better for you mentally and emotionally to just go for it with her (while she's still in the early stages of just dating this new guy) - it would be better for you to just go for it with her, even if she rejects you. This way you can MOVE ON knowing that she's just not the one for you, know what I mean?

Whereas on the other hand you're going to be moping around for who knows how long always wondering "What if" and always kicking yourself for not just going for it (much like you were in this post)

So I say: Go for it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Tone I'm sorry I totally disagree.

He could regret it even more and may end up having to change jobs as a result if it backfires. It could become very awkyard if he has to work with her after she turns him down, if she turns him down. However this depends on the individuals.

The girl is in a new relationship, why would she go out with 'next building' guy if she was in pursuit of him. She might if she wanted to make him jealous, if she was pursuing him but that doesn't seem to be the case. Also could he ever trust her if he managed to steal her from some other guy??

I think alot of this is in his own head [Perfguy hit me with neg-rep if you like] and may have been brought on by her confiding in him or flirting or whatever.

From what we have read she has been friendly yes. But I'm not sure how interested she is in any sort of fling/relationship. Perhaps he will add more later which might change things.

My advice is for him to play it cool and get her to want him to ask her out. Also see if she's interested in him by her body language etc.

I'm talking from experience here as I have been in a similar situation. A girl pursued me even though she was in a relationship. I feel for her but nothing ever came of it. I had to meet her every week afterwards and it was very uncomfortable for her......It didnt bother me only I still have very strong feelings for her and believe she has too.

[Tone]

Quote:

Originally Posted by derm

Tone I'm sorry I totally disagree.

He could regret it even more and may end up having to change jobs as a result if it backfires. It could become very awkyard if he has to work with her after she turns him down, if she turns him down. However this depends on the individuals.

You're entitled to your own opinion.

I think a little ackwardness at work is far superior to the extreme levels of mental torture our minds can put us through living with regret. Ackwardness to the point of changing jobs though? For asking someone out?

I assumed this was 2 adults here, but correct me if I'm wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by derm

The girl is in a new relationship, why would she go out with 'next building' guy if she was in pursuit of him. She might if she wanted to make him jealous, if she was pursuing him but that doesn't seem to be the case. Also could he ever trust her if he managed to steal her from some other guy??

I think alot of this is in his own head [Perfguy hit me with neg-rep if you like] and may have been brought on by her confiding in him or flirting or whatever.

From what we have read she has been friendly yes. But I'm not sure how interested she is in any sort of fling/relationship. Perhaps he will add more later which might change things.

My advice is for him to play it cool and get her to want him to ask her out. Also see if she's interested in him by her body language etc.

I'm talking from experience here as I have been in a similar situation. A girl pursued me even though she was in a relationship. I feel for her but nothing ever came of it. I had to meet her every week afterwards and it was very uncomfortable for her......It didnt bother me only I still have very strong feelings for her and believe she has too.

Eh.. I just think HE should be the one to take action instead of waiting around for her to start liking him.

[derm]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

You're entitled to your own opinion.

I think a little ackwardness at work is far superior to the extreme levels of mental torture our minds can put us through living with regret. Ackwardness to the point of changing jobs though? For asking someone out?

I assumed this was 2 adults here, but correct me if I'm wrong.



Eh.. I just think HE should be the one to take action instead of waiting around for her to start liking him.

Tone.

I have asked girls out who turned me down. We have remained friends and it was never mentioned again. There has never been any awkwardness or resentment because we are both confident enough in ourselves or whatever.

However there is this one girl who can't look me in the face and feels very uncomfortable around me. I don't enjoy bumping into her because I know our meeting makes her feel this way.

Imagine if I had to work with her on a daily basis. Spend time alone with her. Get sent away to a business presentation or whatever. Imagine how uncomfortable she might feel then.

I'm not suggesting Perfguy forgets about her, he won't be able to if he works with her. I am suggesting he finds out if she likes him first before he makes a move. Where is the point in asking her out if she only sees him as a friend?

[Tone]

Quote:

Originally Posted by derm

Where is the point in asking her out if she only sees him as a friend?

His own peace of mind?

He could move on with his life and start looking for new potential girls instead of clouding his mind with all these "what if's" about this girl.

[derm]

All depends on what type of guy he is.

[Tone]

To that, I would agree.

[Gigabitch]

I think you missed your chance this time. Between boyfriends is the only time it's right to pursue someone- not when they're involved.

Don't date someone you work with anyway, it's a recipe for disaster. Just ask shygal.

[Perfguy]

Well, thanks for the advice, guys. To clarify, at this point I'm not even thinking about whether she likes me and trying to get into something with her RIGHT NOW. I would not even try to get in between her and the new BF. They are past the dating stage and into the relationship stage, BTW. I am thinking in the long term. If and when she breaks it off with this guy, I just want her to know I am there and interested. And, hopefully, there would be a chance to go out with her. I know she wouldn't want to go straight into whatever we have now into a relationship. If she is willing to date and she where it goes, I would be happy. I know there is possibilty that one day she may ask me if I have a "crush" on her (she has told me a few times that she thought some clients had a crush on her) but I'm not going to be the one to bring it up. I don't know what I will say to her at that point.

I guess what I looking for and what my "plan" is to just let her know silently by my actions that I am interested, in case she becomes available. But the intensity of the feelings is making that hard. Honestly, I wish it would just go away and things go back to "normal" to where I don't even think of her in that way; but these damn feelings are messing everything up.

One thing that is interesting is when I do ask how things are going with the BF in person, she'll say "ok" or "good". But when she says it, it's in a very depressing and short way; like its not going well or she doesnt want to tell me. What is with that?

Well, tomorrow I'm gonna give her a SMALL box of chocolate as a thank you for lending me a few bucks the other day. I'm just going to continue to be nice to her and do small little things. I'm not going to overdo it such as buying her flowers. That would just creep her out. Again, the goal is just to let her know "I'm here and interested" without her really knowing. I've even thought about the e-mail I'm going to write if she breaks up with this guy.

[Gigabitch]

You're already in the same office. Why would you e-mail her if you're already friendly with her? You're making this too complicated.