She is held back by my past... - Love Forum

r0ckstar · #1 (**permalink**) 23-10-06, 08:15 AM

Hi all,

Got a problem here... brace yourselves! Going to be long!...

My girlfriend of 8 and a half months is having issues about my past. In the past with my ex girlfriend for 3 and a half years, the relationship worked on a up, down bases, during the last few months the relationship with my ex got so bad i had enough and wanted to break up. I would tell her i want to break up because i didn't love her anymore, things were not working out because she was being too possesive/obsessive over me. She said she would change, i thought "fine" I will give it a go... we would do our normal things like go out, have sex (even though the relationship was rocky at that time) but then few days later she would go back into her possessive attitude and it would trigger me off splitting up with her...

She would literally not let me leave her house, she would drag my arm and force me to stay and give it another go and so me being foolish... i did... and this same cycle happened countless amount of times for 4 months! In the end, i went back to university and so did she, i would talk to her on the phone and say we are definately not working out and the relationship is a dead end etc... at the end of the day, she cheated on me while we were still together because she refused to break up when i kept telling her we should.

That's the pre-story above^

The current situation is that my current girlfriend cannot accept the fact that i was having sex with my ex girlfriend even though i wanted to break up with her... There are many reasons why i did that which i am still not sure about! It it either i wanted things to work with me and my ex in the past... or she manipuated me and pursuaded me not to break up with her. I admit i was wrong in the past for sleeping with my ex girlfriend when things were going very very downhill (So downhill that we get into verbal fights... i would be cold towards her and in return she would be so forceful towards me such as literally FORCING me to kiss her, FORCING me to make out with her when i didn't really want to)

My current girlfriend is either really upset, angry, disgusted over this situation i had with my ex girlfriend 2 summer's ago... I feel helpless... i can't do anything to make the situation any better because it is all in the past and i can't go back... i been re-assuring her and being there for her for the last 2 and a half months since i told her this sitaution i had with my ex girlfriend....

What should i do? I am really stuck and i can't bare to see her so hurt and crying, i love her so much and she means too much to me to lose and disappear out from my life!

Thanks for reading!

Mathias · #2 (**permalink**) 23-10-06, 08:44 AM

So she can't handle the fact that you made a mistake in your life? One that many, many, many people (including me, and I'm sure a ton of other people on here) have made?

Damn. That seems like her problem.

Frasbee · #3 (**permalink**) 23-10-06, 09:17 AM

So wait...when your ex, was not your ex, you had sex with her even though things weren't lookin' good?

And your current girlfriend has issues with you having had sex with your ex-girlfriend, when she wasn't your ex at the time?

Is that correct?

'Cause if that's the case, your new girlfriend is an insecure whackjob with no sense of logic.

Who cares if you **** your girlfriend after an argument, since when was that "immoral"?

It sounds to me like you have a new manipulative bitch on your hands. I say run.

Mathias · #4 (**permalink**) 23-10-06, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frasbee

So wait...when your ex, was not your ex, you had sex with her even though things weren't lookin' good?

And your current girlfriend has issues with you having had sex with your ex-girlfriend, when she wasn't your ex at the time?

Is that correct?

'Cause if that's the case, your new girlfriend is an insecure whackjob with no sense of logic.

Who cares if you **** your girlfriend after an argument, since when was that "immoral"?

It sounds to me like you have a new manipulative bitch on your hands. I say run.

You know, Fras, at least I put it nicely.

But agreed. She needs to go.

vashti · #5 (**permalink**) 23-10-06, 10:33 AM

I don't think I know of any college-aged guy who would turn down sex with a willing girl. That the willing girl was in fact your GIRLFRIEND should be comforting to the new girl, not threatening. It means you weren't cheating. Your new girl has some serious problems. Either that, or you are leaving out some important detail from your story.

Have you always attracted emotionally unstable people, or are these last two some sort of fluke? Because I am definitely seeing a pattern. The last girl was bordering on being physically punishing, but this one is emotionally punishing.

r0ckstar · #6 (**permalink**) 23-10-06, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frasbee

So wait...when your ex, was not your ex, you had sex with her even though things weren't lookin' good?

And your current girlfriend has issues with you having had sex with your ex-girlfriend, when she wasn't your ex at the time?

Is that correct?

'Cause if that's the case, your new girlfriend is an insecure whackjob with no sense of logic.

Who cares if you **** your girlfriend after an argument, since when was that "immoral"?

It sounds to me like you have a new manipulative bitch on your hands. I say run.

When my ex was my ex and things were looking very gloomy between us, unstable relationship etc... we STILL had sex. There wasn't a time when me and my ex broke up from an argument and still had sex. I did hate the fact that my ex was pursuading me into a relationship i didn't want anymore, i can honestly say we would argue every 2 weeks or so and when things got really bad, we would argue within a few days!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vashti

I don't think I know of any college-aged guy who would turn down sex with a willing girl. That the willing girl was in fact your GIRLFRIEND should be comforting to the new girl, not threatening. It means you weren't cheating. Your new girl has some serious problems. Either that, or you are leaving out some important detail from your story.

Have you always attracted emotionally unstable people, or are these last two some sort of fluke? Because I am definitely seeing a pattern. The last girl was bordering on being physically punishing, but this one is emotionally punishing.

I would turn down sex from a willing girl if:

- I was in a relationship
- I don't want to have sex with that girl

I've only been with 2 girls in my life... my ex girlfriend for 3 yrs+ and the current girl i am with now... it's funny now my current girlfriend has been involved with more people than i have and i have no problem with her what so ever. My ex i was with i was physically drained out but now i am emotionally drained, it feels worse being emotionally drained than physically because if it's physical, wouldn't have to feel so much pain from the dephs of yourself. I don't want to lose her... it would really really realy get to me if we broke up and then few months or maybe even years down the line she finally accepts my past, by then it may possibly be too late...

vashti · #7 (**permalink**) 23-10-06, 09:45 PM

You are attracting high-maintenence females. Why don't you look for normal ones? You only get what you are willing to tolerate...

r0ckstar · #8 (**permalink**) 23-10-06, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

You are attracting high-maintenence females. Why don't you look for normal ones? You only get what you are willing to tolerate...

I don't regard my current girlfriend as high maintenance... i do regard my ex as an ULTRA high maintenance. I don't want to look elsewhere because i am very much in love with my current girlfriend. I did love my ex when i was with her but this love is different towards what i felt for my ex... it's more exciting, more happy, more close... just can't describe it really...

vashti · #9 (**permalink**) 23-10-06, 09:51 PM

It's more NEW, silly. Of course it is more happy, exciting, etc. I think you are headed for similar drama in this relationship. That's okay - some people really need the drama. Are you one of those people?

Gigabitch · #10 (**permalink**) 23-10-06, 10:59 PM

Okay, so your new girlfriend is just so wonderful, except for the fact that she's emotionally unstable. We hear you. You don't want anyone to insult your woman. Just take it as constructive criticism, okay?

She's nuts. Your past is none of her Goddamned business, to be perfectly clear, and the fact that she would see fit to pass judgement on you for something like sleeping with someone you were in a three year relationship with is not just questionable, it's bizarre. I think she's crossing a major boundary, here, and you're letting her. Guess what- it's not cold or unfeeling to draw some lines with your SO.

I think you're in danger of losing your relationship if you don't get some balance going on. Don't let her own you. It's not attractive.

NeoSeminole · #11 (**permalink**) 24-10-06, 05:12 AM

never talk about sex with previous partners. Nothing good can ever come of it (unless the idea of your partner sleeping with another person turns you on).

Frasbee · #12 (**permalink**) 24-10-06, 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeoSeminole

never talk about sex with previous partners. Nothing good can ever come of it (unless the idea of your partner sleeping with another person turns you on).

I agree with this post.

Sami09 · #13 (**permalink**) 24-10-06, 11:21 AM

i think the new girl have some big issue she shouldnt judge you about your past relationship you arent judging her. someone said they dont talk about sex and previously parner. are you sure about that . I did when i was starting a relationsip with my bf and he told me about this past and i did tell him i was a virgin. i would be careful of your new gf she seen crazy.

vashti · #14 (**permalink**) 24-10-06, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sami09

someone said they dont talk about sex and previously parner. are you sure about that .

Yes. Other than knowing your partner is disease free, sexual history should be an off-limit topic. Haven't you ever heard it is bad to "kiss and tell"?

BTW - virgins generally have no sexual history to talk about. That is why it is okay to talk about it if you are with your first partner. He shouldn't have told you about his history, either.

Mathias · #15 (**permalink**) 24-10-06, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeoSeminole

never talk about sex with previous partners. Nothing good can ever come of it (unless the idea of your partner sleeping with another person turns you on).

+1.

No question.