Another Mixed signals from co-worker

[Ed Sinbits]

I have a situation very similar to JazzyM, any help would be appreciated.

I'm a 30 yr old single male, quite quiet and although I don’t show it I am quite emotional. I started at a new company last July and have been very focused on the job there. My office is open plan and there are a few departments sharing the floor and amenities,
I have a great working relationship with everyone on the floor.

Two months ago a 20yr old girl started in another department we are in contact all day every day, (she is my contact for that department) I have to do some jobs/tasks for them. She is very friendly and talks to everyone, she openly talks to her colleagues about her boyfriend and how she is unsure wether to stay with him.

We didn’t really initially become friends until a month ago.
Anyway over the last few weeks we have been getting more and friendlier and I have become more interested in her and I think she is with me. I would never openly tell her how I feel due to the fact she is still seeing somebody and it’s the work environment and she has never openly told me if she feels the same. The past weeks she and I have been flirting, initially I didn’t notice but now when she brings me something to help her with or look at she'll touch my hand, brushes into me, stands close and there is lots of eye contact.

If I help her out of a difficult spot work wise she says 'I love you' looking me deep in the eyes, when we aren’t in the same meetings she says 'aw'.
When no-one is around she seems very interested in me but a soon as her colleagues are around she seems uninterested. Her department are always planning nights out ect, to which we are never invited.

We also are into the same music and she will sometimes TEXT me at night on her mobile phone or vice versa, all friendly messages to which we have always replied.

Yesterday we both had a bad day, I know she was stressed but I didn’t get to speak to her much. I text her after work saying if she needed to talk or needed anything she could count on me. To which
she hasn’t replied.

I am now thinking about her all the time, at work I'm making silly mistakes, constantly switching between ecstatic when she talks to me and moody when she is uninterested.

I know I should be too old for this sort of thing, and I have had relationships before but this is different.

Can you please advise me what to do, and If you suggest forget her romantically can you give me some tips to take my mind of her.

Many thanks.

[JazzyM]

Hi Ed

JazzyM here, I read your post with interest - although I'm almost 10 yeras older there's a lot in common.

I've been following exactly the same moral line as you about not mentioning my feelings due to the fact that a) she has a boyfriend and b) we're co-workers. My original reason was that if I made a pass under these circumstances, there was a risk that things could go horribly sour between us and we'd lose the good co-worker vibe.

However, I have to mention the tragicomic fact that now, 6 months later, things have gone sour between us ANYWAY, for some reason that she has decided but won't tell me about. One of many possible reasons could be that she's disappointed with me just because i DIDN'T make a move.... (or she could simply be a moody madam with serious issues).
In this light, I've started to regret my earlier moral code, thinking that I should have made a move after all. You know, "life is short" and all that.

From this viewpoint I'd actually want to encourage you forget about the "good behaviour" and show your feelings now. Being interested in someone is an honest, positive friendly thing - you're not about to harm her; the worst she can get is flattered, right! And if she should take it badly and freak out - well, then helps you find out what a kind of girl she was already at this early stage.
But take care to break it to her nicely, preferably OUT of the office so she can "escape" if she gets embarrassed. Eg over a lunch elsewhere, when walking home from the office etc. How about the next office party, at after work drinks....

>When no-one is around she seems very interested in me but a soon as her colleagues are around she
>seems uninterested.

I wouldn't worry about this. It shows she is honest with you and shy with others about what she feels about you, quite natural in a young girl. The girl in my case does it the other way round: flirting in public and being cold in private (not a good sign, huh ?).

Bottom line, if you "save" yourself until some later moment, things might have changed by then, making it more difficult to make your move. I mean, by that time she might be fed up waiting, some other rival might have turned up and snatched her in front of you etc etc. Better act while the feeling seems fresh in both of you. If she rejects you, then at least you gave it a good manly shot (a move no girl can discredit, regardless of relationship status). Some friends told me girls can pick up a guy's affection without him saying anything; so if she's already noticed it but you don't make a "formal" move, she might think you're a wimp or not dedicated enough (another possible reason I for my girl's turning sour).

How to forget her I cannot advice you. My office female is still stuck in my mind, although I by now feel my chances are hopeless. But if you do find out, please tell me.

Good luck!

JazzyM

[MVPlaya]

Instead of fretting about mixed signals ask the other out. No clearer litmus test then that, now is there?