I want to date a friend... - Love Forum

spawnofguy · #1 (**permalink**) 29-02-04, 07:48 AM

I've been friends with this girl for almost 3 years. I used to date her old best friend when we first met who she no longer talks to anymore for a lot of reasons.
Some of my friends said she must really like me, always looking for where I am, being extremely comfortable around me, etc. We've been spending a lot of time together lately, and recently I asked her if she'd like to go out some time. She said she's been really busy lately (which she has because we've both been working on the same theatre project), and she would think about it. The thing that worried her the most was loosing me as a friend, something about it made her feel like it might not be a good idea. She hasn't changed at all since we talked about it, we still hang out, I still get lots of hugs, etc.
What should I do? Should I wait until she brings it up again, or should I check up on her in a couple weeks and see what she thinks? Just looking for any advice or opinions anyone may have on the situaiton. If there is anything I can do to help her or encourage her; something tells me she wants to or it would work out well...but she's so afraid of loosing our friendship that she's hesitating, I wish I could convince her that wouldn't happen. I'd rather be her friend for 50 years than loose her thru dating.
Thanks!!

Screwed_Guy · #2 (**permalink**) 29-02-04, 11:23 AM

wow... I can't tell you how similar of a situation I have been in before. You could have slapped my name in the title and I woud've thought someone was talking about me.

Well anyways, I knew this girl in Theatre that I was attracted to on a number of different levels. We have been best friends for about 2 years. However nothing ever happened between us because we both agreed that our friendship was too important to gamble on. I think it might be for the best. But at the same time you might not want to be like me... always wondering "what if?" I think that if you want to try a relationship what you need to do is assure her that no matter how it works out, you will always be friends. Or at least thats what I think.

sfalexi · #3 (**permalink**) 29-02-04, 02:28 PM

Tell her to think it over. It sounds like you both wouldn't mind giving it a shot. So you're over that hurdle. And if you've never done anything to make her mad enought o ditch a friendship by now I doubt you'll do anything that will make her ditch friendship when you're dating and therefore being even NICER and MORE caring.

Tell her to think it over and that you think it's worth a try. And see what she thinks in a little while.

Alexi

PS - Also, 'butter her up' a bit. Be a little nicer to her, hold her hand more often, show her a small glimpse into the world of dating you so she knows what she'd be missing.

hysteria · #4 (**permalink**) 29-02-04, 02:54 PM

yeh ive been in ur situation and tried it out. In the end we went our different ways but we are still greatest of friends. If she wasn't a great friend still then she is missing out on what u have to offer her.

mostly blushing · #5 (**permalink**) 29-02-04, 02:58 PM

This is such a hard situation to be in. I think the others are right, if you really want to give it a try, do. I hate 'what if's', I personally can't live with stuff like that.

Good luck, give her some time to think. I like Alexi's 'buttering her up' too!

IceQueen · #6 (**permalink**) 02-03-04, 11:40 AM

Do it on the sly. Invite her in a "friendly" way to watch movies (just the two of you), or to dinner (just the two of you), etc. Give her flowers on her birthday. End "dates" with kiss on the cheek. Offer to pay for dinner. Open doors. Start *behaving* as a boyfriend, and she'll eventually realize that you *are* her boyfriend.

jane · #7 (**permalink**) 02-03-04, 11:48 AM

hey ... well..

It sounds pretty legit of her to say that she is worried about losing you as a friend .. its hard as you know.. but..!

It also sounds like she is willing to find out. I would bring it up to her with all the reasons why the two of you should be a couple rather then friends.. I would also stress that you dont want to lose her as friend too but its obvious to you that what you have is deeper then friendship.

Dating a friend is tuff.. remember there is always a chance of never being he significate other or being her friend... weight them both and figure out what you can live with. Good Luck!

PandaCivic · #8 (**permalink**) 03-03-04, 03:41 AM

man that sux! i guess everyone's been in that situation before. i have a friend i've known for almost 5 years now. i met her through my cousin. we've been hanging out/ keeping in touch since. i hinted to her that i wanted to be more than friends and she said the same thing too. she cried for some reason because she said she was afraid that if things didn't work out between the two of us, she would not only lose me as a friend but she may potentially lose my cousin as a friend too. i didnt know what to say to her after that. we left the topic alone since then. i still "flirt" with her and her with me but we're just friends now. i guess it means a lot of things. she could have meant that she didn't want to be with me just because i was too much of a friend or watever. i'm just cursed.