Boyfriend broke promise

[Claire84]

My boyfriend and I have taken saucy snaps before and promised never to show them to anyone else. I know its possible they can get into the wrong hands. Today he tells me his mom was on his laptop this week and suddenly nude pictures of me came on screen whilst she looked at photos she took, he was laughing about this when he told me. I felt so violated as I feel my body parts are private and we made a promise to not show people. I said what if your dad would have seen it. I am so angry as I have always hidden his pictures and his mom is going to have a worse opinion of me. I feel like I want to ignore him and am so upset.

[TheSphinx]

Quote:

I know its possible they can get into the wrong hands.

You took a risk and got burned. Maybe your boyfriend didn't do such a great job of hiding the pictures and showing concern for you afterwards, but it's not as if he showed them purposefully.

You can either brush this off and go on as best you are able, lesson learned, or you can continue to dwell on it, affecting your mood and quite possibly your relationship.

~Sphinx

[vashti]

You can't trust anybody with nude pictures.

[NeoSeminole]

why would you let him keep nude pics of you? It's not like he masturbates to them. I guarantee he watches porn when you aren't around.

[Mathias]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeoSeminole

why would you let him keep nude pics of you?

This is the real question. The only reason we take nude pics is to look at and share after we break up.

[BFTrick]

First of all i thought you said :

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claire84

My boyfriend and I have taken saucy naps before.

And i really tried hard to imagine that and came up with some wonderful and funny mental images...

but anyways, ignore the incident. It wasn't on purpose, he just didnt act the way you expected. Let it go, it just wasnt very thoughtful.

[nuevo]

you should make a big deal out of it, if not, he will betray you again and again....and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again, (just trying to make a point)

[Frasbee]

How did he break a promise if it wasn't intentional?

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claire84

I feel like I want to ignore him and am so upset.

understandable.. perfectly understandable.. i'd feel very violated also.. I mean.. imagine if nude pictures of you were seen by the eyes of your dad..

which leads me to my point.. and the only reason why i'm responding..

if a nude picture of him was seen by your dad, WOW! your dad would be reminded about what HE is doing to his little girl.. tragic.. BUT!

when nude pictures of you are seen by his mom; (first of all, i'm sure she feels like she's violated her own son's privacy, and yours!).. but aside from that, it sets the stage up for what type of person you are.. "your character"..

I know what you're thinking.. "EXACTLY! and now his mom must have the wrong idea of me!".. well, to that I would say.. REALLY? what idea is that.. that you're some woman who takes nude pictures and lets your bf keep them on his laptop? I mean, that IS what you did.. and that IS who you are.. if you feel bad about it now.. that's an other story.. what you should be asking yourself is how you can make the most out of the situation, and not let things get any worse!

well, ok, his mom saw them.. and I can tell you with certainty.. him and his mom now both feel guilty towards you for different reasons.. (but both because they know they violated your privacy).. so what to do?

there's a term in presidential debates called "defusing the bomb".. in short, take care of a potential problem before it gets out of hand.. you shouldn't be worried about HIM so much, because he's a guy and already feels guilty about his lack of security for those pictures.. his MOM on the other hand is a woman.. who will feel the need to talk to someone about this.. and if not her son.. then who? well.. before it leads to that and you become the talk of the town amung his family behind your back (because they'll never say it to your face).. "defuse the bomb"! how?

easy.. go talk to his mom.. (no, i'm not crazy).. go talk to her.. what are you scared about? she's seen you naked, she knows you're having sex with her son.. honestly.. and fear you're feeling is unjustified.. so go talk to her.. laugh about it.. tell her.. "when i found out, I was so upset, I felt so violated.. and I just wanted to say i'm sorry, I mean, that's not something I would have ever wanted you to see.." (the conversation will flow from there.. and not in a bad way, unless his mom is very conservative).. but this is what you would have gained!

1. you're going to "defuse the bomb".. you would have broken the ice and awkward-ness between you and his mom, she would already feel guilty about snooping in the first place, but from her point of view, having you talk to her about it and say sorry, makes her feel even worse! the last thing she would ever do now is let anyone else know besides you and her.. so it remains private (as private as it can be at this point)
2. you show your character.. sure.. you took some nude pictures.. but guess what.. times change, it's 2007 and these youngsters are doing all kinds of things.. she didn't look at a sex-tape.. she found nude pictures.. fine.. and even though she found them, and you knew about it.. you had the courage and class to go up to her.. and tell her "sorry" and casually talk to her about how you feel about it.. that shows you're not afraid of her, and that you've reached a new family comfort zone.. in her mind.. you won't ever be that (whore who takes nude pictures).. instead.. you'll be that (girl who loves her son, and that's what they do these days.. and she's woman & honest enough to come clean about it and apologize even though she didn't have to, it should be his MOM apologizing..)

so actually.. if your talk with his mom is warm and genuine.. you'll actually reach a deep comfort zone with his mom.. and you'll have a strong advocate on your side rooting for you.. to make him turn from (boyfriend.. to.. husband).. if you know what I mean..

hope this helps.. take care.. stay warm, stay safe, keep your clothes on when there's a camera around.. and happy holidays

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nuevo

you should make a big deal out of it, if not, he will betray you again and again....and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again, (just trying to make a point)

you should.. to him.. not to his mom..

and when you do make a big deal about it.. use guilt as your poison of choice in negotiation and drilling it into his head.. NOT anger or yelling..

sit him down.. and tell him..

"I spoke with your mom (day).. I told her i'm sorry for having to see me that way.. I just felt so ashamed.. I don't want to yell about it.. but I just want you to stop and think about how I feel.. how it feels like to be me right now.. Imagine if my father had opened up my laptop and seen those pictures of you.. don't give that a 2-second thought... think about that for a while.. it would feel strange looking or talking to him again.. plus, you wouldn't even know how many other people he would tell.. or what he would think of you after that.. Those pictures, are not who I am, i'm not someone who takes naked pictures.. but the only reason I did it, is because I trusted you.. that YOU would be the only one who would see me that way.. naked.. so it was ok.. and sure, it felt horrible thinking about what your mom thinks of me.. but what hurt the most is having that sense of trust being stripped away.. and I know you didn't do it on purpose.. I know you didn't open up your laptop and gather your mom next to you to show her the pictures.. but what you also didn't do on purpose was put a password on the folder, or keep them hidden in case someone snoops your laptop.. the relationship me and you have isn't the same relationship me and your parents have.. or else I wouldn't mind walking around naked when they're there.. it would save me alot of time not having to worry about what to wear.. but no.. there's a certain way I want to look around them, I want to be respectful, to show them that respect.. and you just ruined that for me.. on purpose or not.. it's ruined.."

now.. watch the notebook before you give him this talk.. stop the film right at the most dramatic scene.. feel those tears almost rolling down your eye.. and then.. call him over to start talking to him.. remember that sad moment if it helps.. sympathize with yourself.. actually believe what you're telling him.. the point is to add a bit of waterworks to the show.. (not to imply that you're lying.. you ARE the victim here.. but the goal is to use guilt to make him feel exactly how bad it was).. so try and cry.. and seem like a victim in his eyes.. in desperate need of a hug and an "i'm sorry".. the rest will follow.. I doubt you can mess this delivery of the speech up.. so.. it should do the trick.. and he won't be letting this sort of thing happen EVER again..

; )

[Claire84]

His parents don't like me so his mom is bound to tell his dad and their friends and have a good old laugh about it.

[vashti]

Yup. Nail in coffin, right there. Honestly, I'd break off with him. You will never live this down.

[misombra]

nope. and don't let anyone take pictures of you naked anymore.

[Only-virgins]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

understandable.. perfectly understandable.. i'd feel very violated also.. I mean.. imagine if nude pictures of you were seen by the eyes of your dad..

which leads me to my point.. and the only reason why i'm responding..

if a nude picture of him was seen by your dad, WOW! your dad would be reminded about what HE is doing to his little girl.. tragic.. BUT!

when nude pictures of you are seen by his mom; (first of all, i'm sure she feels like she's violated her own son's privacy, and yours!).. but aside from that, it sets the stage up for what type of person you are.. "your character"..

I know what you're thinking.. "EXACTLY! and now his mom must have the wrong idea of me!".. well, to that I would say.. REALLY? what idea is that.. that you're some woman who takes nude pictures and lets your bf keep them on his laptop? I mean, that IS what you did.. and that IS who you are.. if you feel bad about it now.. that's an other story.. what you should be asking yourself is how you can make the most out of the situation, and not let things get any worse!

well, ok, his mom saw them.. and I can tell you with certainty.. him and his mom now both feel guilty towards you for different reasons.. (but both because they know they violated your privacy).. so what to do?

there's a term in presidential debates called "defusing the bomb".. in short, take care of a potential problem before it gets out of hand.. you shouldn't be worried about HIM so much, because he's a guy and already feels guilty about his lack of security for those pictures.. his MOM on the other hand is a woman.. who will feel the need to talk to someone about this.. and if not her son.. then who? well.. before it leads to that and you become the talk of the town amung his family behind your back (because they'll never say it to your face).. "defuse the bomb"! how?

easy.. go talk to his mom.. (no, i'm not crazy).. go talk to her.. what are you scared about? she's seen you naked, she knows you're having sex with her son.. honestly.. and fear you're feeling is unjustified.. so go talk to her.. laugh about it.. tell her.. "when i found out, I was so upset, I felt so violated.. and I just wanted to say i'm sorry, I mean, that's not something I would have ever wanted you to see.." (the conversation will flow from there.. and not in a bad way, unless his mom is very conservative).. but this is what you would have gained!

1. you're going to "defuse the bomb".. you would have broken the ice and awkward-ness between you and his mom, she would already feel guilty about snooping in the first place, but from her point of view, having you talk to her about it and say sorry, makes her feel even worse! the last thing she would ever do now is let anyone else know besides you and her.. so it remains private (as private as it can be at this point)
2. you show your character.. sure.. you took some nude pictures.. but guess what.. times change, it's 2007 and these youngsters are doing all kinds of things.. she didn't look at a sex-tape.. she found nude pictures.. fine.. and even though she found them, and you knew about it.. you had the courage and class to go up to her.. and tell her "sorry" and casually talk to her about how you feel about it.. that shows you're not afraid of her, and that you've reached a new family comfort zone.. in her mind.. you won't ever be that (whore who takes nude pictures).. instead.. you'll be that (girl who loves her son, and that's what they do these days.. and she's woman & honest enough to come clean about it and apologize even though she didn't have to, it should be his MOM apologizing..)

so actually.. if your talk with his mom is warm and genuine.. you'll actually reach a deep comfort zone with his mom.. and you'll have a strong advocate on your side rooting for you.. to make him turn from (boyfriend.. to.. husband).. if you know what I mean..

hope this helps.. take care.. stay warm, stay safe, keep your clothes on when there's a camera around.. and happy holidays

Was such a long post necessary?

[Only-virgins]

Don't take nude pics and if you do than you know exactly the risks you are taking...simple.