The case of the EX - Love Forum

dadcob · #1 (**permalink**) 02-03-04, 04:21 AM

l have been going out with this girl for over a year . on our first annivassary l sense something was wrong cos l notice she wasnt her self and kind of look sad . l tried asking her what was bothering her but then decided against it . last week l visited her at school and found her journal on the bed so l decided to flip through out of curiosity and this is what l found. she writes
"l feel so horrible today , l miss my ex , l miss him so bad it hurts .l know that bastard dosent deserve this but love is love , and l wonder for how long this will go on. she goes on to write about me " is been a year since l met dadcob, he is a good good man , but l think l met him too soon. after reading this words l kind of felt sorry for her but on the other hand felt angry and disappointed for this is a girl who tells me she loves me more than anything that am the best thing to ever happen in her life. l asked her if she needed sometime for her self and if she is really ready to be in a relationship. she goes yes and l know u dont belive me but am in love with you and l want to be with you.l have never been this confuse! please help me out on this , how do l go about this ?

mostly blushing · #2 (**permalink**) 02-03-04, 05:40 AM

Well you probably shouldn't have read her journal, it is a private thing. But now that you have, perhaps you should confront her about it and tell her that you love her etc but found out, through reading her journal, that she still loves her ex. Could she tell you how she feels.

I have to say that although she still may feel some love for her ex, it may not necessarily mean that she doesn't love you MORE.

I'm not sure what other advice to give. i'll have more of a think and come back to you.

jane · #3 (**permalink**) 02-03-04, 07:36 AM

I agree completely! I have kept a journal my whole life. THAT IS A VERY PRIVATE THING.. I mean, I write things in there to help get feelings out .. Im sure if my boyfriend read it he would flip.. its not meant to be an "actual" event.. sometimes its just what I feel at that moment.

Reading something like that would make me think you dont trust me.. I would have serious issues with that. I cant imagine your girl being calm about it either.. you have to understand that. Its private.

Now since you have read it.. the only thing I can say is .. feelings are just that .. feelings.. if she acts on them is another. People say alot when they think people arent reading.. human nature.

All you can do is be honest.. tell her how you feel, and most importantly try not to make this a trust breaking issue or the relationship is doomed. Good luck.. keep us posted.

dadcob · #4 (**permalink**) 02-03-04, 07:51 AM

l thought it was fair game since she read mine sometime back.

jane · #5 (**permalink**) 02-03-04, 07:52 AM

well.. you were both at fault then... I had no idea she had read yours.. you never stated that.. I think that if you guys are close.. you should be able to talk about this. What do you think?

mostly blushing · #6 (**permalink**) 02-03-04, 08:15 AM

I agree with Jane. If you guys are close, then just talk about. There's no point getting all worked up about it.

squirrley · #7 (**permalink**) 02-03-04, 08:18 AM

oh, trust issue here folks! There is none. Ok, maybe curiousity got the best of you, but hello, those were your own private thoughts.
I wouldnt do shit about it. Honest. I mean how could you approach that one? On the other hand, communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. So I dont know here, thats a tough call. Go with your gut.
goodluck

IceQueen · #8 (**permalink**) 02-03-04, 10:31 AM

Back off. Let her start missing *you*. Otherwise *he* will be her star-crossed lover, and you'll be always available and always taken for granted. Pay her less attention, don't contact her for at least a week. Neglect her.

K3vMySt3r · #9 (**permalink**) 02-03-04, 10:42 AM

yeah check this out...U'd guys been going out for 1 yr? okay wheres the trust huh? she still not telling you things that u SHOULD know...sorry but for a year u're going out usually i personally think its plenty of time to understand/bond/share personal things and etc... i agree totally with squirrely...trust problem...

Sexy*Juggalette · #10 (**permalink**) 07-03-04, 09:18 AM

ok this is just what i think but i know from experience... i used to write that stuff about my boyfriend in my diary when we werent together, and we werent together for over a year, and when i wrote things like she did like "i love him so much, he dont deserve it bla bla" if thats true then im sorry to say i dont think she loves you like she loves him, otherwise she wouldnt be thinking about him if she was truely deeply in love with you.. i dont think you can love 2 people like that at once, your heart is always going to be with one or the other more.. you need to ask her which out of you and him, who that person is.

sfalexi · #11 (**permalink**) 07-03-04, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Back off. Let her start missing *you*. Otherwise *he* will be her star-crossed lover, and you'll be always available and always taken for granted. Pay her less attention, don't contact her for at least a week. Neglect her.

lol. Had to laugh becuase that's exactly what I'm doing to my ex in our situation. She wanted a break from us. But she still wanted to see and contact me. So I'm now giving her the space she so much needs. I don't call her. I don't write her. And when she calls me, I don't talk to her for hours like I used to, but rather just talk for a short amount of time. I'm letting her get the picture of what her life is like without me. And if she prefers that life, so be it. I'll have to move on. But she may just well realize that her life sucks without me in it. And this is the only way she'll find out.

As for YOUR situation, I agree, it's improper to read her journal, but temptation sometimes gets the best of us. Contrary to what others have said, I urge you NOT to tell her. The fact of the matter is, the journal is not the source of your problems, and telling her you read it is not going to get you any closer to the solution. If you read her journal, keep it to yourself, but talk to her. Don't let her know what you read, but since you KNOW what's in there, urge her to tell you in person. Ask her why. Ask her if she has feelings for someone else. Find out what's going on through her mouth.

And for those of you that are going to say, "It's wrong for you to read her journal and not tell her that you did." Think about what she's done. She's thinking about how much she loves her ex-boyfriend and how she got involved with dadcob too son. Now is it more wrong for him to read her journal or for her to be leading him on this long? No matter what happens in life, we will ALWAYS have secrets that aren't going to be told. Her secret is that she has been hiding a love for an ex-boyfriend and not him. His is that he learned this even though she was trying to keep it a secret. Now which one is the one that REALLY needs to be admitted?

Alexi

Pretender · #12 (**permalink**) 08-04-04, 01:24 PM

This is not related to this thread but thats a great idea letting my bf read my journal (accidentally) so i wont have to feel guilty about looking at his e-mails. Temptation always gets the best of us in those situations because the person will never find out. I always pity the person doing the wrong thing because they live with the guilt of their actions.