Serious Problem Need Help - Love Forum

d1rect3ffects · #1 (**permalink**) 09-04-04, 07:19 AM

Ok I have this friend that is going through a problem right now, so Im going to tell her story...

She has been married for 6 years to this guy named Jason, they have had a decent relationship arguing at times but overall good. But the problem is that she has been married before to this guy named Charlie. Her and charlie dated before they got married for 4 years and were married 1 year. Because they argued so much they got split up. The thing is she has two kids. One is 7 years old and that is Charlies kid. But one is 8 months, and hes Jasons. Now Jason is in the army and now in California, away from her. Charlie comes over constantly to see his child, while Jason is away. Charlie told her today that he still loves her and always have and now she doesnt know what to do, she says she still cares about Charlie but isnt sure if she is in love with him or not.

Some advice would be appreciated.

d1rect3ffects · #2 (**permalink**) 09-04-04, 09:21 AM

plz someone help me out my friend is desperate for an answer

squirrley · #3 (**permalink**) 09-04-04, 09:42 AM

holy dilemma.

I'll take a shot at this one. I think shes really overwhelmed with Jason being gone from home. It doesnt help with Charlie being around all the time. She may miss the companionship of a man. So theres Charlie. She doesnt know if shes in love with him? Shes married to someone else. If she were truly in love with Jason she wouldnt even be questioning herself in the first place. Time to evaluate her marriage. HOWEVER-with him being gone its unfair to him. She probably has so many mixed feelings how is she suppose to know.

I really wouldnt have a clue to this...but I think she should look inside herself to figure out what SHE wants, and not base it on Charlie being there and Jason being gone. Damn-would not want to be in her shoes.

She moved on for a reason from Charlie, and I think because her husband is gone she is extremely vulnerable to him. I dont think shes in love with him, just feeling alone. Mixed emotions.

The best thing you can do is just be her friend, and maybe advise her to spend as little time with Charlie as possible-it will create alot of problems. (already started). Maybe she should talk to him(charlie) and tell him how she feels. If she feels shes in love with her husband(she should be anyway) then theres nothing for them to figure out. And to keep their relationship as a friendship.(due to their child).

If shes questioning her feelings for him(charlie) she should ask for time to straighten things out for herself.

I honestly think shes just feeling really vulnerable right now-husband gone, baby, x in picture. She may get past this, and know deep inside she wants to be with Jason. But its difficult with x around. Keeps feelings fluctuating.

She cant tell Charlie to bug off-its her childs father...so shes in a quandry. I wish her well and wish her luck in finding what she wants for herself. Im sorry I cant help more...never been in that situation. Maybe someone on here will be able to give more advice or suggestions...

sfalexi · #4 (**permalink**) 09-04-04, 10:33 AM

Quote:

honestly think shes just feeling really vulnerable right now-husband gone, baby, x in picture. She may get past this, and know deep inside she wants to be with Jason. But its difficult with x around. Keeps feelings fluctuating.

And you can bet EVERY DOLLAR YOU OWN that Charlie knows this and this is why he waited until THIS MOMENT to tell her this to get her all confused, when her husband isn't there to comfort her at night, when she really could use a man around the house. Charlie is a bastard. For one, he's very sneaky and underhanded about the way he's going about things. For another, he's going after a married woman. What a ****ing bastard.

Illusional · #5 (**permalink**) 09-04-04, 11:04 AM

i think that your friend is very fickle. she can't seem to make up her mind with men. at times, she's completely in love with someone, then when things turn to shit, she gets a divorce and meets another guy. doesn't seem like there is much of a commitment or desire to try to work things out.

however being that her current husband is away, since he's with the army or what not, he can't be blamed. being that she is his wife, she should stay by his side during this ordeal. true it's very hard to be faithful but they made a pack when they got married. i know that she is lonely at the time, but this is where their love is tested.

secondly about her ex husband.. he still loves her, she still loves him blah blah blah. the fact of the matter is that i still have a place in my heart for the ex's that truely did mean something in my life. if i told you otherwise, then i'd be lying. each of them have brought something special in my life and that is why i cared so deeply for them in the past. however things have changed and we all change with him. my suggestion to your friend is that she remain faithful to her current husband since whatever inflatuations she is feeling for her ex, they are only temperary. if her husband were around, the ex wouldnt' be hanging around. besides, he's probably sweet talking her, and reminding her of all the good times, ONLY the good times. let her remember why they had a divorce in the first place and set her straight. i know i wouldn't want to come back after fighting a war only to find out my wife had left me for her ex. raverboy

Jenny_HK · #6 (**permalink**) 09-04-04, 03:11 PM

Jason was Charlie's home wrecker and visa versa. Very fair! This painful cyle would go on forever.
Should we compare the pain of a eight month old infant and a kid?
Sorry if this didn't make sense.

jerzygrl · #7 (**permalink**) 09-04-04, 09:59 PM

Did I miss something-- when was it ever said that Jason was a homewrecker?!?!?!

Im gonna have to agree with Squirrely and sfalexi on this one... I would suggest she stay as far away from charlie as possible. She is very vulnerable right now and is in love with companionship-- not with Charlie. She needs to remember that they got divorced for a reason... Divorce is a huge thing! She just better lay low and wait til Jason comes home...

Wish her luck.

MrX · #8 (**permalink**) 10-04-04, 12:53 AM

What a cock block... You dont take another mans girl... they are obviously married, If jason was back at home, would charlie tell your friend this? It seems liek your friend has a decent marriage with this Jason fellow.. so why fix it if it isnt broken.. especially while he is stationed in california trying to provide for his family.... thats the ultimate kick in the groin... Jason is my pick!

IceQueen · #9 (**permalink**) 10-04-04, 12:59 AM

Yeah. This is difficult. Because there's no way to stay away from Charlie, since he WILL come and see his kid.

What *ahem* your friend can do, however, is notify Jason that Charlie is trying to hit on her. That will make Jason think twice about leaving her alone for a long time, and it'll lead Jason to give her more attention, which y..err, she obviously craves right now.

In any case. Charlie is definitely not the way to go. They have PROVEN they can't live together, otherwise they wouldn't have split up.