Cheating girlfriend, need some advice - Love Forum

RS7K · #1 (**permalink**) 10-04-04, 04:17 AM

While I was watching the Leafs-Senators hockey game last night, my girlfriend said she was going for a sleepover.

That's what she eventually ended up doing, but she left the sleepover early to go to a "party". They were two girls and two other guys there, so I don't know how that qualifies for a party.

She said she cheated on me there. Her friend and the other guy left to get something, and she says there was literally only one bed in the house, and no other furniture to sit on. She sat on the bed, and apparently the other guy who was left there started kissing her on her neck, and she kept insisting she had a boyfriend. Eventually, he ****ed her. I don't know how kissing somebody on the neck leads to full-blown ****ing in what she said lasted about five minutes. ****, just talking about it makes me sick.

She said they were both drunk, and that she didn't want to cheat on me. She claims he raped her because of that, because he wouldn't listen to her saying "no". So I told her she should call the police and file a rape charge or something of the sort. She said a charge would never hold because the whole thing was just "faulty communication". She's a very flirty girl, so I wouldn't be surprised if she collaborated, even if it was just a little bit. In fact, it's probably what happened.

She has a past history of cheating. Before we started going out, I saw her making out with some guy after having 2 beers. She used the alcohol excuse for that one too.

I just don't know what to do, she told me it wasn't fair because she didn't want to cheat. I didn't know what the **** to answer then, because this kind of thing has never happened to me.

Here's an email I just got:

"How can you not care how i feel? Isn't that what should matter the most in a relationship anyways...i really do care about you and i never wanted that to happen. I told you all i know and that should be enough for you. If its not...i dont know what to say, but i'm so tired of crying over guys. I thought you would be different. I was really looking forward to going to the movies tonight and i was hopeing you would make me feel better. Apparently thats not the case. I know its a big deal, but all i want to do is forget about it...i hope you can respect that. if you can't then please just leave me alone cause i don't want to be sad anymore. thanks"

It's not something I can just shrug off obviously, so what the hell should happen. Pretend nothing happened? Pretend she didn't **** some nameless guy?

I'm thinking of ending it. Is this what you would do?

Illusional · #2 (**permalink**) 10-04-04, 04:35 AM

**** this bitch is the first thing that comes to mind. i have never been in this situation before and hopefully i will never. but it sounds to me that your gf is actually only thinking of her feelings.

the fact of the matter is that she has cheated on you and she has done something wrong. she went to a party, sleep over whatever but then again, there are only 4 people present. i'm guessing the other couple are interested in one another which is probably why they left the room, to go fool around.

your gf might have been sending the wrong signals and she might be a flirty type, but she already knows that about herself. why would she put herself in a situation of that sort when she knows the probably outcome? and IF she loves you so much, why even bother going to a party just to drink and get dumb. if this girl can't hold her liquor, she shouldn't be drinking and setting herself up just to fall down later. kissing on the neck usually doesn't lead to sex, but returning the kisses on the neck will lead to making out which leads to sex.

lastly in her email, i feel that she is now trying to put the blame upon you. her poor excuse of how she was drunk doesn't seem to hold up to well with me. the basis point of her email is that YOU should forget this situation and think of HER feelings. it's all about her, which seems selfish to me. if i were you, you'd have left her already. raverboy

jane · #3 (**permalink**) 10-04-04, 05:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by RS7K
Here's an email I just got:

"How can you not care how i feel? Isn't that what should matter the most in a relationship anyways...i really do care about you and i never wanted that to happen. I told you all i know and that should be enough for you. If its not...i dont know what to say, but i'm so tired of crying over guys. I thought you would be different. I was really looking forward to going to the movies tonight and i was hopeing you would make me feel better. Apparently thats not the case. I know its a big deal, but all i want to do is forget about it...i hope you can respect that. if you can't then please just leave me alone cause i don't want to be sad anymore. thanks"

I'm thinking of ending it. Is this what you would do?

ok first of all... really read this... she may tell you that she is some what sorry but this email is JUST A GUILT TRIP. The whole.. "im tired of crying over guys".. is BULLSHIT. She is trying to blame you..

You know what.. I agree with Illusional.. **** THIS BITCH.. right in the ass!

Illusional · #4 (**permalink**) 10-04-04, 05:58 AM

hell yeah. it sounds like this girl is using you as a fall back plan and you are better off without her. think of it this way, she uses you when she needs someone, and goes and parties when she tires of you. raverboy

Pretender · #5 (**permalink**) 10-04-04, 09:03 AM

To be honest with you I can't believe you are even thinking twice about staying with her. The moment she told you this you should of said thanks for being honest with me and the relationship is over because I can no longer trust you.

You dont know if your girlfriend now has any std's or could be pregnant! She doesn't know how it led to her getting ****ed then I'm sure she doesn't remember if a condom was involved.

Get rid of her man. You will make me sick if you don't.

IceQueen · #6 (**permalink**) 10-04-04, 09:27 AM

I think I've said it before.

If she says it was done without her consent, she needs to file a police report. THEN and only THEN you take her back.

If she doesn't file it -- you are completely justified in not believing that it was against her wish, and will do yourself a huge favor by staying away from her (and other girls who "have a history of cheating").

Otherwise, it's just like knowingly stepping into shit: dumb and messy.

RS7K · #7 (**permalink**) 10-04-04, 09:37 AM

I just dumped her. Not one person has said I should get back with her, in all the forums I've posted in.

Thanks.

squirrley · #8 (**permalink**) 10-04-04, 09:56 AM

Good for you man!!!

I totally agree with everyone on here. **** the bitch...

Too many other women who could appreciate you for you..

sfalexi · #9 (**permalink**) 10-04-04, 09:33 PM

Quote:

If she says it was done without her consent, she needs to file a police report. THEN and only THEN you take her back.

Thank god SOMEONE said this. If not, I was about to.

Quote:

friend and the other guy left to get something, and she says there was literally only one bed in the house, and no other furniture to sit on.

Bullshit. Sit on the floor if there's no other place. Or leave the ****in' house.

Quote:

She sat on the bed, and apparently the other guy who was left there started kissing her on her neck, and she kept insisting she had a boyfriend.

What? She was afraid to get her coat and leave? She didn't want to move away from the guy so just "said no"? She didn't push him away? She didn't slap him? She didn't try to find her friend? She wanted it. And was just half-heartedly saying no, KNOWING that he would keep persisting (because he was) and KNOWING that she would cheat with him because there were a MILLION other things she could have done. But she chose, "I have a boyfriend.......OK. I'll lay down. Just let me undo these pants . . ."

Quote:

I just don't know what to do, she told me it wasn't fair because she didn't want to cheat.

Yeah right. Then wouldn't she have sensed the situation when there were two guys and two girls someplace? And the one guy and girl left the other alone? Or when he started kissing her neck? BS. She's did something wrong and now is thinking up EVERY EXCUSE she can think of to justify her actions. "I was drunk. He didn't listen. I can't file a rape charge cause it'll never stand in court. I kept saying no. There was no other furniture besides a bed in the ENTIRE HOUSE."

Quote:

I just dumped her. Not one person has said I should get back with her, in all the forums I've posted in.

Thanks.

Awesome. Don't even look back. Just go on with your life. And watch out for what Pretender said above. Who knows if she got pregnant and then comes crying back to you for money to abort it or support it. Say no, and if she keeps insisting it's yours, take her to court and get a DNA test.

I say this cause my friend's ex kept bothering him saying she was pregnant after he found out she was cheating on him. She kept saying, "It's yours. I need money for an abortion." He responded with, "I'm not giving you a dime. We'll see in nine months whether you're lying or not. And when THAT time comes around, I want a DNA test." Lo and behold, it's been a few years and STILL no baby has popped out.

Just something to be careful of.

Alexi

Illusional · #10 (**permalink**) 11-04-04, 05:33 PM

wait wait... maybe you should think about getting back with her. what if she was the one person that would've made you life complete. she could give birth to your children... and... umm.. nevermind, i'll just have another beer. raverboy

LightOn · #11 (**permalink**) 11-04-04, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RS7K
I just dumped her. Not one person has said I should get back with her, in all the forums I've posted in.

Thanks.

Good job! You made the right choice.

Like some others said about her pressing charges. I guess she never went through with it, which to me clearly indicates she wanted it. However with that said even if she hinted at wanting it from this guy and she said no. By law he HAS to obey, regardless of how much teasing, hinting, touching, kissing...etc goes on.

Say what she said was the truth about him "raping" her. She kind of allowed her self to be in that situation anyway. She doesn't seem to be relationship material for anyone. She is known to be a "cheater". But considers herself a "victim"

Again, you made the right choice. Don't let her Self centerd attitude get to you if she makes anymore contact with you, ignore her as much as possible.

I know you already stated you ended things with her, but there is a high probability in feeling remorse for "thinking" you let someone down. While in reality she let herself down.

Good Luck!

sonic486 · #12 (**permalink**) 12-04-04, 11:31 AM

If this is all true,
should I dump my big-flirty girlfriend?

Pretender · #13 (**permalink**) 13-04-04, 01:02 AM

Well Sonic if she flirts in front of you with other guys I would say cut her loose it's disrespectful.

But were you just asking to be sarcastic?

jane · #14 (**permalink**) 13-04-04, 01:09 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Illusional
wait wait... maybe you should think about getting back with her. what if she was the one person that would've made you life complete. she could give birth to your children... and... umm.. nevermind, i'll just have another beer. raverboy

yeah .. and your a virgin too ... LOL...

.. have another beer illusional! hehe