Help Needed!! - Love Forum

my_540i · #1 (**permalink**) 17-04-04, 09:55 PM

My girlfriend, Tonya, and I have been dating for a while now and were madly in love with each other. I met her for the first time breifly. My friend Brad was the one who introduced us. He gave her my cell phone # and screen name, even without me knowing. He brought her over a couple of times and we hit it off real well. Her and Brad were really close. Not romanticly close, but best friends close.

Brad started to get a little jealus but never really said anything. So after I told him her and I fell in love the problems started. The very next day he kisses her and tries just about everything he can to get together with her. Why he started to do all of that AFTER he hooked us up is beyond me. I know for a fact he wont go away until he can have Tonya.

When I asked Bad about what hes been trying to do he denied it of course. So him and I had a falling out. She knows that at this point I have no respect for him what so ever. Recently Tonya invites Brad over her place for a few beers. She misses their friendship because before me, they had a very strong one. So when I showed up I was a little upset but kept it to myself. She told me he would leave in just a minute. Well a minute turned into 30 and I couldent take it. I left at midnight and told her to call me once he was gone.

Just before 1am she calls me and tells me to come back. I go back and we talk. I basicly told her that I dont think its a good idea for them to hang around each other because I know he wont stop at anything to get her. He threw a 7 year friendship with me to try for 1 night of sex. Even though nothing happened, its the fact that he tried and wouldnt mind if it did. I know nothing sexual would ever happen between them, because I can totally trust her. But I also have her babies father to put up with and thats just another long story.

Basicly I dont have the strength to put up with the babies father and Brad at the same time. They are one in the same and they have a major obsession with Tonya. Am I wrong for asking her to stop talking to Brad? Shes been controlled all her life by her babies father, and I told her I would never tell her what to do. I feel bad telling her not to hang around Brad but I feel as if I have no other choice.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and any input would REALLY help!!

SecretDontTell · #2 (**permalink**) 18-04-04, 02:19 AM

whateva u do, dont control her life. let her do her thang and have trust that she does the right. dont be overprotective, just be yourself and have trust because if you start controlling her actions and puttin barriers, she'll leave you like a nigga on fried chicken

seriously, y r u puttin urself through all this? find sum otha chick. how do u kno they weren't ****in when u left and came back? its a pretty long hour from midnite to one. Juz **** it man...friends r always tryin to **** wid each otha and to them, hoes come befo bros.

also dealin with a baby from an ex can be dificult. but hey if u can put up wid that, then be wid her

sfalexi · #3 (**permalink**) 18-04-04, 03:27 AM

Do you really NEED all this agravation? Do you think that there's NO ONE else in the entire world (or your college or job) that will give you a happier dating life than what you're in right now?

SecretDontTell · #4 (**permalink**) 18-04-04, 03:32 AM

Pretender · #5 (**permalink**) 18-04-04, 09:58 AM

You need to ask her to not invite him over when you are alone anymore because she knows what his intentions are and I really don't care what her reasons were for inviting him over she knew what could happen with you not there. You aren't comfortable with this guy around and she needs to respect that and not hang out with him anymore if she cares about you at all. Don't worry about telling her what to do you aren't you are just asking her to do something for her. It's her choice on whether or not she will do it. Don't sit there and be hurt let her know what the options are. and if she says no to not seeing him anymore then get rid of her because that is unneeded stress and it shows you how far she is willing to go for you.

IceQueen · #6 (**permalink**) 18-04-04, 10:59 AM

The root of your problems is not your ex-friend Brad. It's Tonya. Yes, you heard me right. It looks like she gets an ego boost when she gets the males to fight over her. If I were you, I would think twice before I'd believe her that Brad really tried to make a pass at her (especially since Brad denied it). And even if he did, chances are -- she led him on.

So, the proposed course of action is as follows. If you notice that kind of behavior again (i.e. "I want to invite Brad over tonight for beers"), you go ahead and stop calling her, etc. and avoid her contacts -- but not explicitly, just under the guise of being BUSY. Soon, a reflex will form with her: every time she gets close to Brad, YOU slip away. So she'll stop.

peshkunta · #7 (**permalink**) 18-04-04, 11:58 AM

I think you should tell her to put herself in your shoes. Ask her if she would be ok with you having a best girl friend and if the same was going on with you and her. She might say it would be allright, but I doubt that would be true. On the other hand, if they are really close friends I can understand why she doesn't want to quit the friendship. But, in that case it would be really hard for you to trust her. And no matter how close they are, she should want to spend the most time with you. I wouldn't bother if I were you. Find someone else. I don't think one should be involved with one person too much, go out with other girls and have fun.